Ivy League son just disclosed he's taking five years to graduate.

[Anonymous]

Who cares whether it's "common"? It's okay for kids (and adults) to do something different from other people. The only conversations you should be having with him are whether this is the right choice FOR HIM financially, emotionally, and academically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you fixated on what his friends will think? Support your child so he doesn’t drop out completely…the end goal is to get back on track and graduate. And you’re “near perfect graduation rate” doesn’t hold water. Schools look at 6 year rates.

This. Op, this is something he's obviously been thinking about for a while and there is a reason he did not tell you before. I would focus on supporting him as the issues probably run much deeper than he is letting on. Make sure he has appropriate support there. A counselor might be good.

I had significant mental health issues in college and at one point was debating between dropping out or killing myself. I ended up breaking down in front of a professor who was also a psychologist and he got me hooked up with mental health support right away. I got back on track and graduated on time, though obviously late graduation is preferable to dropping out and dropping out is preferable to suicide. Unfortunately, my parents were too dysfunctional to involve in the process (they would have only fixated on the possibility of late graduation and been in denial about everything else), but it would have been great if they had been the kind of people who could have supported me.

[Anonymous]

I took 5.5 years to graduate. I still managed to become a director two years after I graduated. Don't worry, I don't think he's doomed to McDonald's.

[Anonymous]

My nephew is at Yale, and took a sabbatical between freshman year and sophomore years because of the pandemic. He has friends from multiple years. This is not a big deal at ALL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be furious at the extra year of tuition, room & board.

Yes!!! You should have made clear to him that such financial decisions need to be discussed with the ones who pay!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be furious at the extra year of tuition, room & board.

This. Is there no way to make up the credits?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be MUCH more concerned that my large adult son felt like he could incur an extra $80K in costs and mention it to me casually.

That's not a kid who is prepared for the world.

+1. OP, why are you just finding out now he dropped classes? Did you not see his grade report. For other parents who do not have a kid in college yet. Make sure your kid signs paperwork so that you get a grade report. If you want me to pay for college these are my rules:
1. You must share your grade report
2. I will only pay for 4 years of college
3. If you fail or drop a class--that the university is not reimbursing me for--you owe me $.

It is good to have some skin in the game and high expectations. Don't let your kid be a complete snowflake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nephew is at Yale, and took a sabbatical between freshman year and sophomore years because of the pandemic. He has friends from multiple years. This is not a big deal at ALL.

What did he accomplish on his sabbatical? I’m guessing it wasn’t video games and pizza on mom and dad’s couch while dropping online courses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be furious at the extra year of tuition, room & board.

This. Is there no way to make up the credits?

Colleges encouraged this with pass/fall grading and drops that wouldn’t show on transcript.

[Anonymous]

I think the Covid period will go down in history such that people will COMPLETELY understand if someone took a break or moved down to PT status, especially if it was remote. I don't think this is an issue at all, though paying for it will be!

[Anonymous]

Smart kids loaded up on easy online courses to graduate early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Smart kids loaded up on easy online courses to graduate early.

And what did they actually learn? Oh, the ONLY goal was to graduate early. I get it. The goal wasn't to gain any knowledge or skills. I pity their future employers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be MUCH more concerned that my large adult son felt like he could incur an extra $80K in costs and mention it to me casually.

That's not a kid who is prepared for the world.

+1. OP, why are you just finding out now he dropped classes? Did you not see his grade report. For other parents who do not have a kid in college yet. Make sure your kid signs paperwork so that you get a grade report. If you want me to pay for college these are my rules:
1. You must share your grade report
2. I will only pay for 4 years of college
3. If you fail or drop a class--that the university is not reimbursing me for--you owe me $.

It is good to have some skin in the game and high expectations. Don't let your kid be a complete snowflake.

Some of us have "snowflakes" who actually communicate with us willingly and freely, and who don't need a three-point manifesto hanging over their heads to prompt them to talk about grades, coursework and college costs.

[Anonymous]

No one will care. Several of my friends at my Ivy took an extra year or term to graduate for a variety of reasons and it was a total non issue. I also graduated with a couple friends who were in the class ahead of me.

You should worry more about your son’s well-being and less about what others will think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be MUCH more concerned that my large adult son felt like he could incur an extra $80K in costs and mention it to me casually.

That's not a kid who is prepared for the world.

+1. OP, why are you just finding out now he dropped classes? Did you not see his grade report. For other parents who do not have a kid in college yet. Make sure your kid signs paperwork so that you get a grade report. If you want me to pay for college these are my rules:
1. You must share your grade report
2. I will only pay for 4 years of college
3. If you fail or drop a class--that the university is not reimbursing me for--you owe me $.

It is good to have some skin in the game and high expectations. Don't let your kid be a complete snowflake.

Some of us have "snowflakes" who actually communicate with us willingly and freely, and who don't need a three-point manifesto hanging over their heads to prompt them to talk about grades, coursework and college costs.

I think it's great that your kids understand your expectations. OP's kid does not seem to be as fabulous and well-adjusted as yours despite being "in the ivy league".