Affair, told his wife and now he's back

[Anonymous]

Ok. Let me have it. DW here, I had a 2 year affair with a married man, we thought it was love. We talked about divorcing and being together. After many ups and downs, the stress of the secrecy got to me and I exposed the affair to the world, including to my husband and his wife. All hell broke lose. Months later, I am in the process of a divorce, rightfully so, and he decided to work things out with his wife.

After about 4 months of silence from him, he contacted me again to talk and try to get closure from how things ended. That one phone call has now turned into several, all initiated by him. We have seen each other a few times, though not sexually but there were love professions.

I know I should cut him off, I don't want to go down that road again but my heart is weak. He should be 100% committed to reconciliation with his wife, we both acknowledge that but knowing the "right" thing to do doesn't prevent him from reaching out and me responding.

How can I put a final end to this without that acute pain of loss?




.

[Anonymous]

How can I put a final end to this without that acute pain of loss?

You can't. Tell him you don't want him to contact you again unless and until he is divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How can I put a final end to this without that acute pain of loss?

You can't. Tell him you don't want him to contact you again unless and until he is divorced.

Sorry, but you deserve EVERY moment of "acute pain of loss." I have to say that you are reprehensible, and I'm sure you'll find people here who support you. But I don't know anyone in real life who wouldn't think that you are an awful, unethical, bad person.

So, how many lives did you destroy, both through your cheating AND through blowing up everyone's lives by telling all the spouses.

[Anonymous]

+1.
what about the acute pain and loss you caused the other spouses and children? first by your adultery then by publicizing it to ease your own discomfort?
Wow

[Anonymous]

They always come back because it's like a drug.

I had an affair with a married man when I was younger. Called and told his wife on him one evening when I was upset. He still kept talking to me.

[Anonymous]

You'll feel the loss. He's a weak man, using you. But you don't get that. So you'll only feel pain when you should be feeling anger.

[Anonymous]

Good luck, OP, but cut him off, b/c he isn't leaving her.

[Anonymous]

Just tell him to call you when he's single. Every time he calls, ask if he is single, and hang up when he says "no, but..."

He'll stop calling.

In the meantime, find a hobby, and a therapist to help you deal with your commitment and intimacy issues.

[Anonymous]

Find a boyfriend who is not married.

[Anonymous]

At this point why not? Sounds like true love and you have to fight for that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They always come back because it's like a drug. [i]

I had an affair with a married man when I was younger. Called and told his wife on him one evening when I was upset. He still kept talking to me.

Not necessarily. One can end it. Period. No looking back.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately you won't be able to escape this without feeling pain from your loss, but it will get easier over time. If you're having a hard time breaking away, think about how much he screwed you over by not leaving when you did, and even if he loves you and was scared he's a weak man and that's not ultimately what you want or need from a partner.

[Anonymous]

Or blow it up again. Tell his wife about how he is still calling you and telling you he loves you.

That should do it.

You'd be a horrible human being, and a complete asshole, but that should finish this one way or another.

[Anonymous]

You deserve to feel pain and loss. You have caused pain and loss to many other people.

[Anonymous]

Could be your soulmate. Take a chance.