Second grader feels badly about height
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Anonymous
| My son is entering 2nd grade and is in the 10th percentile for height - so there's nothing medically wrong with him, he is just short. DH is not especially tall, and I'm average, so this is unsurprising. But last night DS started getting really down about not wanting to be short, and said he did not want to go back to school. He was actually in tears about it. I'm not sure what to do to help him. I sympathize that it can be hard - his 2 closest friends are relatively short as well, and often like to ask to compare height with him so that they can feel better about being a half an inch taller. That being said, there are some absolutely enormous boys in his grade, so I do understand that DS probably feels tiny compared to them. It probably doesn't help that DS isn't too into team sports - he's not horrible at them, but his interests lie more along the lines of chess and minecraft. Any thoughts on what I can do to help him deal with this and feel ok about himself? |
Anonymous
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Do it the DCUM way, hold him back a year so he can possibly catch up!
Why not find an sport he likes? |
Anonymous
| Having the same problem with my fourth grade son. He's obsessed! It's hard to hear, but I try to give him strategies to not worry about it; and usually once he's in the thick of things he doesn't care. But kids are obsessed with difference and if it wasn't his being on the shorter side, it would be something else. I try to focus on the positives and not feed into his worry about height. |
Anonymous
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My son is almost 12 and is below the line for height. He is crazy short. He gets upset too and we sympathize - there isn't anything to do and it's nice for him to know we are on his side - it is hard. Especially for boys.
But, we do teach him some things to say that make him feel better - I'd like the adult menu for example, is one that heads off the inevitable kids menu with crayons. He also asks for his drink in a real glass to avoid kids cup with plastic straw. When he meets new people, he tries to figure out a way to say his age or grade so that others know - it's really harder for strangers - his friends know how old he is but he hates when a stranger assumes he is many years younger. |
Anonymous
The only sport he likes is swimming, which we encourage, but honestly, most of the kids on his swim team are either female or older, so it doesn't really help with socializing or feeling differently about his height. |
Anonymous
? Terrible idea. No wonder these kids can't deal with disappointments or any hardships. Parents mowing down every obstacle in their path. My DS is going into MS. He is about average to below average, maybe 30%ile? Has been since ES. He is also not very athletic, and loves all things electronics. We have had many conversations about being on the shorter side for a boy. We try to find things he's good at, and tell him that most people have something about them that they have to overcome. We emphasize working hard, trying and not giving up over all else. It's kind of like being smart but being lazy. That won't get you anywhere in life. We tell him not to let his height get in the way of living his life. We find role models who are are on the shorter side, like that basketball player who was, I think like 5'8" or something. My DS likes basketball, so we tell him to use his smallness to his advantage. He can move faster, get down easier. He's not the best shooter, so we tell him to practice shooting. He may not be able to make too many baskets while playing, but he can make foul shots. We also make sure he does something athletic to build his muscles, so he does swimming. Find any sport your DS might enjoy: fencing, tennis, swimming? Even if he isn't athletic, I think kids should do something to help build their muscles. My DS would sit in front of a computer all day if I let him. We know a 14 yr old who is the same size as my 11 yr old. He is quite popular because he's got a terrific personality and is really such a great person. |
Anonymous
Find other swim classes or a team with more boys. Even just the county classes to keep up with it. In less you do it year round, its tuff just to do summer given how short summer team is. My kid is the youngest and shortest and the older kids on swim were really nice to him. They helped coach him and were really supportive. My child will alway be the youngest and shortest and he understands that and doesn't care. Maybe you can redirect him to think its no big deal. How about something individual like Fencing? |
Anonymous
Two books for kids and one for adults. Have a son who is in the 30th% -- who has many boys a full head taller in his early elem class -- and a 5'8'' DH and I'm 5'3''. My husband's been 'concerned' about this from day one, with his experience feeling 'less than' as a shorter boy. Doing activities like tae kwon do, even boxing (situations where he can be a little 'rough' for his stature) and even soccer doesn't necessarily require height. Swimming isn't bad. Guitar (has some cool factor for many boys). Emphasize that there are a lot of things that can be good about being small... We're trying too. 
https://www.amazon.com/Heart-Over-Height-Nate-Robinson/dp/1483413039/ref=wl_mb_wl_huc_mrai_1_dp https://www.amazon.com/Land-Giants-My-Life-Basketball/dp/0316101737 https://www.amazon.com/Size-Matters-Affects-Happiness-Success-ebook/dp/B004H1U2I8/ref=sr_1_14?ie=UTF8&qid=1471877202&sr=8-14&keywords=size+matters+book |
Anonymous
Thank you, I appreciate it. He does do tae kwon do through aftercare and likes it. We tried soccer and he was fine at it - not good not bad, just fine, but he chose swim team instead this year, which he is objectively more talented at. An instrument could be a good idea. I had always thought he might enjoy drums, since he has a lot of energy, but guitar might work as well. |
Anonymous
PP here with 5'8 husband. He became a musician through HS & college (starting in earnest in junior high) with some 'cool' factor -- and can be an awesome alt/complementary time focus skill to video games in a way -- and also did cross country and baseball. I swam as a short girl & did relatively well (high school competitive level) |
Anonymous
| He needs to be doing sports -- that's what'll make him fit in regardless of height. I don't see how he's disadvantaged at any sport besides basketball and football -- and even those in 2nd grade will be fine; it's not like he's trying to make high school varsity or get recruited to a D1 school. |
Anonymous
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Don't buy into this idea that being small means he can not participate or excel in sports. It's just not true.
DH and I were always among the smallest (if not THE smallest) in our classes growing up, and we were both excellent athletes. Were we born with natural gifts that gave us a head start with sports? Not at all. But we both loved our chosen sports (still do) and are very driven people who enjoy practicing, improving and competing. Even as kids -- we both remember working our butts off while also thinking our sports were just plain fun! Our DCs are also small (5% and 15%), and they are both quite good at sports, too. And not the same sports as we played. So much of it is attitude -- the "mental game". Same for our friends' teenage kids -- one may be closer to 50% but the other two are much closer to 10% (at most) -- and all three are EXCELLENT club and high school soccer players. Remind your son that everyone shows up to life with challenges. Some of us are smaller. Others are slower. Or less coordinated. Some have difficulties making friends. Or managing their impulses. Or staying focused. Or whatever else you can think of. The key to life is making it work -- by working hard. Your son can do anything he wants right now. Teach him to work hard and persist. That goes a LONG, LONG WAY in sports . . . and in life! P.S. You said your son was fine at soccer. Not good or bad. Did he like it? Did he want to get good? Or great? If so, why not encourage him to stick with it, put the time into it and PRACTICE so he could get there? Good athletes WORK. They don't just rely on natural talent. |
Anonymous
How's your husband doing with this? Is he over his concern? If not, focus more on that. Therapy, even. Because your son is likely taking his cues from his father more than from you or from any other role model, movie or book he reads. If you want your son to be comfortable and confident in his own skin, it would help for his father to do the same. |
Anonymous
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I'd identify short athletes and short people and read their bios to him. I'd make it very clear to him that mental attitude means a lot more than height or any physical attribute in terms of success in life and success in sports.
I'd also work on (generally) the idea that there are some things we control and some things we adjust to. My much-younger DC used to get really upset about the weather. I think it's natural for people to get upset about things that aren't in their control, and those feelings are legitimate, but generally speaking at some point it's useful to recognize that there are things we can do something about and things we can't. |
Anonymous
| Have him watch the Steph Curry video -- Success is not an Accident. Talks about how hard he worked to get to where he's at -- doesn't talk about how height got him ahead. |