No one is a talker!

[Anonymous]

Am home on maternity leave and my MIL is staying 3 weeks to help and FIL shows up the final week of the visit.

My husband and his family are "people of few words," and they are not super close. so I end up babbling some story or carrying the dinner conversations and questions All The Time. It is getting exhausting. Besides my portmortem exhaustion.
I tried out a couple meals where I deliberately said nothing and sure enough, no one else said anything either!
It's bizarre, I grew up in a family of four where there was always talking going on at the table, in the car, at the ballgame. And certainly when we get together nowadays. But here, this week, it's like no one has a thought or opinion or whatever.

Can anyone relate??

[Anonymous]

Just let your husband lead, plan and talk when his parents are staying over. Just conserve your energy and sanity.

[Anonymous]

Funny how you wrote "postmortem" instead of "postpartum"

I come from a family of few words and find it relaxing not be "on" all the time. Having your voice in my ear 24/7 would be the death of me.

For your guests' comfort, maybe you should relax and shut up.

[Anonymous]

Just revel in it. Get a book and read it.

[Anonymous]

Omg- my husband's family is same- or they talk about such trivial small talk. My husband just sits there so I do all the talking. ,so I started saying " goodnight I'm going to hit the sack"... Then I take baby and go into my room- turn tv on or read my book. Who knows what they do out there in living room or kitchen. Watch TV I guess. It felt weird at first- but three kids later, it's smooth as silk! Then I have energy to talk during most of day- but 8pm- I'm out of there. On car rides, sit in back!!! I learned that way, they will be in charge of communicating.

[Anonymous]

Yes - I'm from a garrulous Irish Catholic family and DH's family is classic taciturn midwestern Protestants (all of them - parents, siblings, and even the siblings' spouses). Nice people and love them, but we once went on vacation together and I thought I would go crazy until my BIL's chatty in-laws showed up. Finally someone to talk to!

[Anonymous]

Yes! Will never forget the first time I visited DH's family and at dinner no one said a word. I couldn't believe it. In my family you are lucky to get a word in and we have big boisterous meals, almost couldn't marry him for this reason. Sadly, I am used to it now. But still find it weird.

They also sit around and watch tv and don't speak. This still blows my mind. The few times my family get s together during the year we actually talk to one another. I chalk it up to being a Midwestern thing.

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't have to fill in every pause. Silence is okay. In fact, many people prefer it when they eat

The postmortem bit made me LOL

[Anonymous]

You don't have to do their talking for them.

This is a common mistake excessive talkers make. We don't need you to carry on our conversations for us.


Talk to your husband and kids as you normally would, but don't feel you have to put on a performance for the in-laws.

Literally enjoy the silence.

[Anonymous]

My MIL talks for the entire meal while my husband and my FIL eat and stare at their plates in stony silence. I used to try to talk, or at least diffuse the political financial religious inflammatory topic of the day, but realized it was too much work. I joined in on the head bowed, silent eating thing years ago and enjoy it now.
I do occasionally amuse myself by timing how long she can talk without anyone else saying a word. 17 minutes is her record.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my IL's are like that too. My family could sit around the table for hours talking. It's very hard as I'm also a talker. I've learned that they think quiet is ok though. Just let them do their iPads or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am home on maternity leave and my MIL is staying 3 weeks to help and FIL shows up the final week of the visit.

My husband and his family are "people of few words," and they are not super close. so I end up babbling some story or carrying the dinner conversations and questions All The Time. It is getting exhausting. Besides my portmortem exhaustion.
I tried out a couple meals where I deliberately said nothing and sure enough, no one else said anything either!
It's bizarre, I grew up in a family of four where there was always talking going on at the table, in the car, at the ballgame. And certainly when we get together nowadays. But here, this week, it's like no one has a thought or opinion or whatever.

Can anyone relate??

I can empathize. My spouse and his family have little to say about anything, ever. It's been about 5+ years of visits and I never know what they think about anything - dinner, a day-trip, the city, etc. I too got trained not to talk around them, and frankly stopped trying or caring.

Two bad things - My husband does not know how to talk about anything but his office work. I believe this started at home growing up, not hearing normal conversations about the day, scheduling, household matters (hi honey, let's do our taxes this evening. Hi honey, let's plan that spring break trip. Hi honey, want to teach your son to ride a bike or throw a ball?). He seems to think it's all woman's work and checks out.

Other bad thing - No conflict resolution skills. If there is a mistake, it is ignored. If someone brings it up, they are ignored. If that angers them, then they become the mistake. The actual mistake never gets addressed. Too much avoidance of needed conversations.

Nowadays with two kids, we continue to never have even a semi-meaningful conversations with them. They skype and just GooGoo GaaGaa with the toddlers, I ask my spouse how they're doing, he doesn't know. Seems to suit everyone but me, I found it sad and hope my children don't think this is normal way to not communicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL talks for the entire meal while my husband and my FIL eat and stare at their plates in stony silence. I used to try to talk, or at least diffuse the political financial religious inflammatory topic of the day, but realized it was too much work. I joined in on the head bowed, silent eating thing years ago and enjoy it now.
I do occasionally amuse myself by timing how long she can talk without anyone else saying a word. 17 minutes is her record.

This is the right attitude. Time the silence! And if they make it to say, 10 minutes, excuse yourself and go be alone.

[Anonymous]

Hi, Op

This is my brother's wife family. We are chatty but, we know when to be quiet. But, they never have any thing to say! My brother, his wife and two kids moved to France for a few years and we saw SIL and two kids. I asked how they liked living there and the answer was "it's fine" No funny stories about the art or the people or anything! But, we have been in gatherings with her family so it is just their personality ( or lack thereof) One time we were at her baby shower and we were trying to get to know her Aunt. I swear it was like pulling teeth just to have a normal conversation:

Me: So, I hear you are a teacher?

Aunt: Yes.....long pause

Me: what grade do you teach?

Aunt: first grade....long pause

Where do you teach public, private or Catholic

Aunt: Catholic

Me: that's nice ( and then my Mom and I ate our lunch in silence and the whole family never really interacted with us again)

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks, and no I'm not a non-stop talker. It is just so odd having houseguests in your home 24/7 who never have anything to say. Maybe they are upset about something, I have no idea. They never say Thank you either.

They basically don't know anything about me and I don't know much about them. So be it. I'm done occasionally asking about their day, their book, or various mutual family members.