No one is a talker!

[Anonymous]

My brother and sister in law are like this. We spent a week visiting them (they invited us to visit their new home by the beach). Thankfully, we have kids (2, 4) so I focused my energy on them, but it was very, very frustrating and I doubt we will ever visit them again. We are pretty good guests, easy, neat, etc. But I felt like from the moment I walked in the door, they couldn't wait for us to leave. It was very, very passive aggressive and confusing since we were invited repeatedly to visit. I wouldn't have bothered traveling 8 hours otherwise.

Yes, the silence can be nice, but we had a side dose of weird aggression. And it was strange to see them turn on and be lovely...to other people while giving us the silent treatment.

What I realized was that they really, reallly did not want a deep or meaningful relationship with us and by trying to make one happen, I was making them uncomfortable. So, I disengaged, but what is sad is that I don't care to put energy or time into a superficial relationship. I'm pulled in too many directions, so if I am giving you my energy, it better be meaningful. So, I disengaged and have accepted that is the current state of play. Sorry for the rant OP, but maybe they just don't care to know you.

This is spot on, pp. I am the poster who attended the baby shower of my SIL. Luckily, my brother still tries to have a relationship with me. One time he couldn't talk because of illness and she commented "boy, the house was super quiet without Bob talking" I know I couldn't live like that so it is a good thing I'm not married to her!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Yes! Will never forget the first time I visited DH's family and at dinner no one said a word. I couldn't believe it. In my family you are lucky to get a word in and we have big boisterous meals, almost couldn't marry him for this reason. Sadly, I am used to it now. But still find it weird.

They also sit around and watch tv and don't speak. This still blows my mind. The few times my family get s together during the year we actually talk to one another. I chalk it up to being a Midwestern thing.

+1

Same here. I don't go on "vacation", because it feels like sitting in a morgue. The television is on constantly early morning to late night - it is insane how much television one family can watch - without saying a word. DON'T interrupt shark week! Holy crap.

No thanks, I'll stay home. The best part is how they go on about how much "fun" they had. Meanwhile I'm thinking, yeah, right. I don't go on "vacation" to stick my nose in a book, with the television on the entire time, and ignore everyone around me. Weirdos.

Agreed. One Christmas DH's mom made a big thing of the whole family being together. Then all anyone did was sit around and watch tv. I actually lost my shit on them about it. I couldn't believe they were spending Christmas Eve glued to the TV. It was not the message I wanted conveyed to my kids.

So the message YOU conveyed to your kids was, "When people don't behave the way you want them to, lose your shit on them about it?" Got it. Stay classy!

Here's a thought: PLAN SOME ACTIVITIES. When they make a move to turn on the TV yet again, NICELY suggest that you play a game or go for a walk or go out to dinner or bake cookies or whatever instead. Like a grown-up.

Um, I did suggest some games. They just wanted to watch tv and not talk. And, for the record, I lost my shit after the kids were in bed.

So? You are still a control freak. "Behave the way I want, or I lose my shit!" Are you 5?

This is the "same here" PP now (not the "lose my shit" PP) - I can sort of see her point, though I would never waste my time getting upset or confronting the IL's about it. DH goes on the IL "vacation" without me, and I am THAT much more appreciated when it is cut short, because of the IL's bizarre behavior and it is bizarre! MIL has started asking outsiders to join us, and no one is too eager, but they will do it, because MIL is old.

MIL takes immense (!!!) pride in being nasty, she has some personality and mental issues, so I don't really have time for that - especially when vacation time is so very short!

I wouldn't call PP's issue a control issue, at all. But I would say not to bother spending vacation time doing that sort of thing, if it is just not working. Some people make it very difficult to be around them, that's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am home on maternity leave and my MIL is staying 3 weeks to help and FIL shows up the final week of the visit.

My husband and his family are "people of few words," and they are not super close. so I end up babbling some story or carrying the dinner conversations and questions All The Time. It is getting exhausting. Besides my portmortem exhaustion.
I tried out a couple meals where I deliberately said nothing and sure enough, no one else said anything either!
It's bizarre, I grew up in a family of four where there was always talking going on at the table, in the car, at the ballgame. And certainly when we get together nowadays. But here, this week, it's like no one has a thought or opinion or whatever.

Can anyone relate??

OMG! I can. I dread dinners with my IL's. They don't make conversation and it drives me crazy. My FIL is worse on his own. It is like pulling teeth to get them to say anything and when they do it is usually such a mundane topic that I just want the whole thing to end. They are nice people, really, but still.

HAHAHAHA.. With my IL's, only the sons in law that married in are allowed to talk - in that they are the only conversations that are entertained. They are plenty nice, but they are not the best conversation holders by any stretch. MIL has issues with her parents and her jumping when men speak - so it's kind of effed up. Also, MIL will only do outside activities with the sons in law that married in - not with her own sons, etc. Clearly, she has some real issues that are far beyond me Sorry, can't help her! LOL.