No one is a talker!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't have to fill in every pause. Silence is okay. In fact, many people prefer it when they eat

The postmortem bit made me LOL

OP again, sorry too many postmortem debriefs at work last month, just rolled off the keyboard.

Don't worry, I'm not talking all day long or at meals, I wouldn't have the energy even without a newborn. I took MIL to the shopping mall with the infant the other day and even then she didn't talk, so awkward, breast-feeding, diaper changes, walking about and not a peep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes! Will never forget the first time I visited DH's family and at dinner no one said a word. I couldn't believe it. In my family you are lucky to get a word in and we have big boisterous meals, almost couldn't marry him for this reason. Sadly, I am used to it now. But still find it weird.

They also sit around and watch tv and don't speak. This still blows my mind. The few times my family get s together during the year we actually talk to one another. I chalk it up to being a Midwestern thing.

I thought it was more of a waspy upper class northeast thing.

Midwesterners tend to be very friendly.

Maybe it is a small family thing?

[Anonymous]

OP! I'm dying for some background. What does DH say? Is this still in the realm of normal? Is everyone morose and depressed?

I'm super chatty and funny and bubbly and can and do talk to everyone. I'm truly interested in people and used to be in sales. Go figure.

My family of origin is the same. Get us together and we're laughing and telling stories and talking over each other.

My in-laws, however, are talkative also but never take a breath to ask me about myself or even pause for me to get a word in edgewise. It's strange. I know ILs' dozen stories and could tell them myself,know all the details about their friends but they know nothing about me.

[Anonymous]

my midwest FIL is the same. Didn't realize how much MIL did all the talking until she died. Seriously, if I didn' talk, entire meals would be silent.

[Anonymous]

Listening and communicating. Two important life skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes! Will never forget the first time I visited DH's family and at dinner no one said a word. I couldn't believe it. In my family you are lucky to get a word in and we have big boisterous meals, almost couldn't marry him for this reason. Sadly, I am used to it now. But still find it weird.

They also sit around and watch tv and don't speak. This still blows my mind. The few times my family get s together during the year we actually talk to one another. I chalk it up to being a Midwestern thing.

I thought it was more of a waspy upper class northeast thing.

Midwesterners tend to be very friendly.

Maybe it is a small family thing?

I'm Midwest, everyone is friendly and inquisitive, even to strangers.
Married a Brit, who has talkative friends with cool hobbies but his immediate family is super quiet and private. Lots of dinners where everyone just stares down at their food and chews. It was slightly better once kids where on the scene but still like pulling teeth to get an update.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes! Will never forget the first time I visited DH's family and at dinner no one said a word. I couldn't believe it. In my family you are lucky to get a word in and we have big boisterous meals, almost couldn't marry him for this reason. Sadly, I am used to it now. But still find it weird.

They also sit around and watch tv and don't speak. This still blows my mind. The few times my family get s together during the year we actually talk to one another. I chalk it up to being a Midwestern thing.

I thought it was more of a waspy upper class northeast thing.

Midwesterners tend to be very friendly.

Maybe it is a small family thing?

Maybe it's a personal thing, and these people found each other. I'm not much of a talker myself. Although a trip to the mall in total silence would feel weird.

[Anonymous]

silence driving them about, silence while shopping, silence in the house. WTF?

ask your DH once they leave, what is up.

i remember going to a friend's house for dinner in 5th grade and the parents didn't say a word for the whole dinner. I assumed they all hated each other and/or did not know how to socialize. I never had been to a dinner like that before nor since then. I recall feeling sorry for my friend Becky.

[Anonymous]

How do you get anything done or planned if you don't speak with one another? Find out the dynamic of your Inlaws. Does the mom do everything and the father just tag along cluelessly?

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with companionable silence. You don't have to fill the air. People who talk just to talk are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with companionable silence. You don't have to fill the air. People who talk just to talk are exhausting.

there's nothing wrong with crashing at a family member's house and never speaking with them, right?
sounds like extremely mixed signals to me. Who hated whom first?

[Anonymous]

My MIL talks non-stop. I wish she would just shut the f up

[Anonymous]

Conserve your energy OP and let them help you. Only talk when you are asking them to do something.

I wish my relatives who talk non-stop would shut up too.

[Anonymous]

OP! Are they at least good listeners? I try to be mindful that although many introverts are great listeners and cerebral, we extroverts need to shut the f up and give them a chance to speak.

DH is a man of few words. I fell in love with him because he's cool, calm and collected. Lovely, but sometimes I get so frustrated because it takes him forever to respond to me or form a cohesive thought. I have to remind myself to give him this time and space. It's worth it. Still, frustrating when I'm angry and worked up and feel like I need an immediate response from him.

Are you able to ask ILs open ended questions? Are you patient enough to let them answer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with companionable silence. You don't have to fill the air. People who talk just to talk are exhausting.

there's nothing wrong with crashing at a family member's house and never speaking with them, right?
sounds like extremely mixed signals to me. Who hated whom first?

I strongly suspect chatterbox OP is exaggerating a bit. I'm so sure they haven't said a word. Probably more like they only speak when they really have something to say, and aren't afraid of silence, and OP is panicking and overcompensating.