Level of contact = level of interest?

[Anonymous]

If a man likes you, wants you, and is thinking of you, he should be reaching out and contacting you often. That's the common consensus apparently. And if he's not texting or calling daily or even every few days, but lets a week or two go by? He's just not that into you.

True? Men - do you feel the need to text/call a woman often if you're into her? Do you still think about her if you're not getting in touch on a consistent basis?

[Anonymous]

True. Although personalities vary, generally, people show interest if they are interested. Two weeks is total lack of sincere interest in anything but a booty call to me.

[Anonymous]

True. I did not follow "The Rules" religiously by any means, but the best takeaway was that the man should pursue you. It sucked a few times when the men I liked didn't, but I felt so much happier and secure in my relationships because I knew the men truly wanted to be with me.

I always let them call and make plans. Also, no last minute plans until you're well into dating - you need to make them work a little bit, and know they can't just get together at the drop of a hat.

[Anonymous]

Yep. In my experience, guys will let you know when they are into you. I never dated someone who reached out fewer than once or twice a week, who was "really busy at work lately" and had "friends in from out of town" who also turned out to really like me. These are mostly polite excuses and you probably know that deep down. I've also been the one holding a guy at arms' length, but it wasn't calculated to draw him in - it was purely a lack of real interest and excitement.

I was never a big fan of The Rules but after getting burned hard in a serious relationship, I realized a painful truth that made me wish I had not initially pursued him. Not sure if this is a common experience or just mine. Anyway, after my engagement imploded, I realized that my ex didn't truly love, respect, or admire me. He was just along for the ride. An introvert who hadn't had a relationship in a while, he saw that I was interested in him and was just happy that a pretty-enough, smart-enough woman with a good-enough personality wanted to date him. So even though he did express interest in the early dating stages, I doubt he would have made the first move.

[Anonymous]

It depends. Many women play the field. So as a guy you do not want to appear desperate, needed or whatever. You always have to remember she is most likely seeing a few other guys.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the guy and how early on you are in a relationship. I don't think that many men will call "just to talk" early in a relationship. So, if he has a lot going on at work or friends coming in from out of town and he isn't free to take you out on a date, he may not call during that time.
I still wouldn't call him during that time.

Now, if you have been dating and are having sex and he doesn't call you for a week because he is busy with work, then he just isn't into you.

[Anonymous]

Op here. More context: there was frequent texting/contact in the beginning. "Thinking about you" and "Just wanted to say hi" messages sent twice or three times a week at least. Texting for hours a day sometimes.

Fast-forward some 18 months and the frequency of contact has just dwindled. Our relationship is almost all textual (long story) so is it too much expect more contact? If he is thinking about me, missing me and wanting me, well, damn, it only takes two seconds to send a text. I want him to reach out more, especially if he hasn't seen me in person for a while. Simple answer is that I can just ask for more but then he's just doing what I want, and not because he wants to.

Advice?

[Anonymous]

Are you guys long distance?

[Anonymous]

This is very interesting.

When dh and I first started dating this was very hard for me. All of my friends who had boyfriends had the experience where the guy pursued them hard and showered them with texts/presents/ hour long phone calls etc.

Meanwhile dh and I started a little differently. My dh was an extremely shy, introverted type of guy. When we hung out, he would flirt with me and show me a lot of interest. And then one or two weeks would go by and I'd just get random texts from him. On dates we'd have a great time but in between dates a week or two would go by and he had would sometimes just not even call me.

After a few months of this. I had enough. It had been a stretch of 2 weeks and his friend from out of town was staying with him. We hadn;t seen each other in 2 weeks. I thought we could all get drinks or dinner or something. I text him and say I hadnt seem him in 2 weeks and I miss him and would like to see him. He said he had a friend frm out of town and it would be rude to abandon him and he will see me after he leaves.

I hung up on him. And a few days later asked told him I dont want to see him again. He was surprised and said that he has loved hanging out with me and is so hurt that I feel this way. I told him I cannot date someone who sees me once every 2-3 weeks. He said thats all he is used to based on previous relationships and he did not want to appear needy.

Since then we had weekly 2-3 dates until it progressed. To be honest, I think I fell harder for him at first than he did for me. I could only tell he truly loved me around the 6 month mark where he made an active effor to see me/call me etc.

So it IS possible a guy is into you but doesnt act like a textbook lover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. More context: there was frequent texting/contact in the beginning. "Thinking about you" and "Just wanted to say hi" messages sent twice or three times a week at least. Texting for hours a day sometimes.

Fast-forward some 18 months and the frequency of contact has just dwindled. Our relationship is almost all textual (long story) so is it too much expect more contact? If he is thinking about me, missing me and wanting me, well, damn, it only takes two seconds to send a text. I want him to reach out more, especially if he hasn't seen me in person for a while. Simple answer is that I can just ask for more but then he's just doing what I want, and not because he wants to.

Advice?

Find a date nearby? Dating does not have to be this complicated. To answer your question, yes, if you miss somebody, you keep in touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends. Many women play the field. So as a guy you do not want to appear desperate, needed or whatever. You always have to remember she is most likely seeing a few other guys.

Strongly agree. Any woman can easily find men online. Especially for guys, never make a priority out of someone who considers you an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very interesting.

When dh and I first started dating this was very hard for me. All of my friends who had boyfriends had the experience where the guy pursued them hard and showered them with texts/presents/ hour long phone calls etc.

Meanwhile dh and I started a little differently. My dh was an extremely shy, introverted type of guy. When we hung out, he would flirt with me and show me a lot of interest. And then one or two weeks would go by and I'd just get random texts from him. On dates we'd have a great time but in between dates a week or two would go by and he had would sometimes just not even call me.

After a few months of this. I had enough. It had been a stretch of 2 weeks and his friend from out of town was staying with him. We hadn;t seen each other in 2 weeks. I thought we could all get drinks or dinner or something. I text him and say I hadnt seem him in 2 weeks and I miss him and would like to see him. He said he had a friend frm out of town and it would be rude to abandon him and he will see me after he leaves.

I hung up on him. And a few days later asked told him I dont want to see him again. He was surprised and said that he has loved hanging out with me and is so hurt that I feel this way. I told him I cannot date someone who sees me once every 2-3 weeks. He said thats all he is used to based on previous relationships and he did not want to appear needy.

Since then we had weekly 2-3 dates until it progressed. To be honest, I think I fell harder for him at first than he did for me. I could only tell he truly loved me around the 6 month mark where he made an active effor to see me/call me etc.

So it IS possible a guy is into you but doesnt act like a textbook lover.

Np and this is a bit nosy so feel free to ignore, but how is your sex life? Does he initiate often enough for your liking or is he more laid back in that area too?

[Anonymous]

DH besieged me for over a year with daily calls, emails, cards, flowers, small gifts etc. I was out of the country for an extended period of time, and the relationship was very young, but he never let up. I appreciate a man who goes for what he wants. We married shortly after I returned. Going on 15 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very interesting.

When dh and I first started dating this was very hard for me. All of my friends who had boyfriends had the experience where the guy pursued them hard and showered them with texts/presents/ hour long phone calls etc.

Meanwhile dh and I started a little differently. My dh was an extremely shy, introverted type of guy. When we hung out, he would flirt with me and show me a lot of interest. And then one or two weeks would go by and I'd just get random texts from him. On dates we'd have a great time but in between dates a week or two would go by and he had would sometimes just not even call me.

After a few months of this. I had enough. It had been a stretch of 2 weeks and his friend from out of town was staying with him. We hadn;t seen each other in 2 weeks. I thought we could all get drinks or dinner or something. I text him and say I hadnt seem him in 2 weeks and I miss him and would like to see him. He said he had a friend frm out of town and it would be rude to abandon him and he will see me after he leaves.

I hung up on him. And a few days later asked told him I dont want to see him again. He was surprised and said that he has loved hanging out with me and is so hurt that I feel this way. I told him I cannot date someone who sees me once every 2-3 weeks. He said thats all he is used to based on previous relationships and he did not want to appear needy.

Since then we had weekly 2-3 dates until it progressed. To be honest, I think I fell harder for him at first than he did for me. I could only tell he truly loved me around the 6 month mark where he made an active effor to see me/call me etc.

So it IS possible a guy is into you but doesnt act like a textbook lover.

Np and this is a bit nosy so feel free to ignore, but how is your sex life? Does he initiate often enough for your liking or is he more laid back in that area too?

This is pp. Yes, actually. Our sex life is awesome! He is an excellent lover. He WAS shy in the bedroom initially. Lack of confidence/ afraid to let me down.Now, after some practice he is so diligent and eager to please and I get the best orgasms of my life.

It all showed that his hesitance in reaching out when we were first dating had to do with his inability to deal with the unpredictability of dating. What if he came on strong and I said no? Believe it or not, some guys actually ARE shy and just need a little bit of extra attention to tell them its okay to pursue you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH besieged me for over a year with daily calls, emails, cards, flowers, small gifts etc. I was out of the country for an extended period of time, and the relationship was very young, but he never let up. I appreciate a man who goes for what he wants. We married shortly after I returned. Going on 15 years.

This is pp. As much as I love my dh, I do kind of regret never having experienced this. It must be so flattering to have a guy take your breath away with how much they want you. With my dh, it took me a long time to realize he did love me and want me around.