Level of contact = level of interest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH besieged me for over a year with daily calls, emails, cards, flowers, small gifts etc. I was out of the country for an extended period of time, and the relationship was very young, but he never let up. I appreciate a man who goes for what he wants. We married shortly after I returned. Going on 15 years.

This is pp. As much as I love my dh, I do kind of regret never having experienced this. It must be so flattering to have a guy take your breath away with how much they want you. With my dh, it took me a long time to realize he did love me and want me around.

Are you kidding? Daily calls, emails, cards, flowers and small gifts are the hallmarks of desperate losers.

No one ever fell head over heels with you? Sad.

The person you were responding to is probably male.

But don't let that stop you from trying to hurt people.

These people have feelings? No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some men push hard, others play it cool.

Personally, early in dating, I would let a few days go by between contacts. This would just be for the first few dates. I would honestly feel pathetic texting, or calling, someone every day at that stage. If a woman expected this, I was clearly not her man.

I so get that. But it's the pattern you establish. If you contacted constantly to indicate interest and then stopped with the attention, then what's your partner supposed to think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH besieged me for over a year with daily calls, emails, cards, flowers, small gifts etc. I was out of the country for an extended period of time, and the relationship was very young, but he never let up. I appreciate a man who goes for what he wants. We married shortly after I returned. Going on 15 years.

This is pp. As much as I love my dh, I do kind of regret never having experienced this. It must be so flattering to have a guy take your breath away with how much they want you. With my dh, it took me a long time to realize he did love me and want me around.

Meh, this would bug the shit out of me. I mean, I guess I'm just different but over the top stuff turns me off and makes me think the guys a stalker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, I think I fell harder for him at first than he did for me.

BY DESIGN! THAT's why he only contacted you every couple weeks. BECAUSE IT DROVE YOU NUTS!

Let that be a lesson, guys. They're so used to these sissies "pursuing them hard" and falling over themselves that if you hold out, play it cool and give radio silence, they'll go CRAZY for you.

+1. This is OP. The fact that he cut down on communicating after being so full-on courting is akin to someone getting you hooked on drugs and then cutting you off.

This is the pp. my DH actually said that when he was a teenager he was that super eager bf. Girls treated him very badly. Then he just stopped caring and took his time letting them into his world. With me he definitely played the "game" even though unintentionally and it worked. I was hooked.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if there is a difference between ages.

My guess is that younger women are more likely to prefer a cautious approach, while older folks are more likely to prefer being showed with attention and "being chased."

This is for the same reason that children today are under constant supervision, due to fear of predators, while children of the 70s roams free, back when they actually far more likely to be victimized, yet no one worried about it back then.

Young women have never felt more threatened, yet have never been in less actual danger than they are today. Abuse of women was far more common in the past, yet awareness was much less than today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if there is a difference between ages.

My guess is that younger women are more likely to prefer a cautious approach, while older folks are more likely to prefer being showed with attention and "being chased."

This is for the same reason that children today are under constant supervision, due to fear of predators, while children of the 70s roams free, back when they actually far more likely to be victimized, yet no one worried about it back then.

Young women have never felt more threatened, yet have never been in less actual danger than they are today. Abuse of women was far more common in the past, yet awareness was much less than today.

Don't you think there is link to people supervising their kids and being aware of abuse and decreased victimization and abuse?

I have met a number of people who are adults now and victims of abuse as children, and they always tell me "back then, everyone just turned the other way." Or "Back then, it was normal."

[Anonymous]

OP - I think the only thing you can really do is talk to him about this. I was in a similar situation with a guy who pursued me at first and then things really tapered after a few months. There were circumstances involving kids and crazy work schedules so I gave him a lot of leeway, but eventually had to bring it up because I was not happy with the level of contact - or lack thereof.

Similar to you I didn't want to have to "ask" for more, but ultimately unless you want to keep wondering and being strung along, you need to address this with him if you are not happy with the situation. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if there is a difference between ages.

My guess is that younger women are more likely to prefer a cautious approach, while older folks are more likely to prefer being showed with attention and "being chased."

Young women don't care if you chase them or not because they are already getting plenty of attention.

Older women want to be chased because they are desperate for attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if there is a difference between ages.

My guess is that younger women are more likely to prefer a cautious approach, while older folks are more likely to prefer being showed with attention and "being chased."

Young women don't care if you chase them or not because they are already getting plenty of attention.

Older women want to be chased because they are desperate for attention.

Your post reflects your immaturity. Anyone who depends on the attention of others for their self-worth, young and old, is a "looser".

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing OP is worried her AP is losing interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Young women don't care if you chase them or not because they are already getting plenty of attention.

This isn't really the case as women never tire of attention.

[Anonymous]

My fiancé and I have spent every night together since our second date three years ago, even when we didn't live together. Neither of us is into games and we have had pretty much constant contact throughout the day, whether by calls, texts, snapchats, etc. since that first week of dating. I think if the level of interest is mutual and equal, holding out contact is stupid. I never thought of my fiancé as desperate because I was as crazy about him as he was about me (and we still are).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fiancé and I have spent every night together since our second date three years ago, even when we didn't live together. Neither of us is into games and we have had pretty much constant contact throughout the day, whether by calls, texts, snapchats, etc. since that first week of dating. I think if the level of interest is mutual and equal, holding out contact is stupid. I never thought of my fiancé as desperate because I was as crazy about him as he was about me (and we still are).

That's nice if it's what you want, but I personally would feel smothered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My fiancé and I have spent every night together since our second date three years ago, even when we didn't live together. Neither of us is into games and we have had pretty much constant contact throughout the day, whether by calls, texts, snapchats, etc. since that first week of dating. I think if the level of interest is mutual and equal, holding out contact is stupid. I never thought of my fiancé as desperate because I was as crazy about him as he was about me (and we still are).

That's nice if it's what you want, but I personally would feel smothered.

If you're settling for someone, and not 100% over the moon for them, I can understand that. Fortunately, that's not my case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My fiancé and I have spent every night together since our second date three years ago, even when we didn't live together. Neither of us is into games and we have had pretty much constant contact throughout the day, whether by calls, texts, snapchats, etc. since that first week of dating. I think if the level of interest is mutual and equal, holding out contact is stupid. I never thought of my fiancé as desperate because I was as crazy about him as he was about me (and we still are).

That's nice if it's what you want, but I personally would feel smothered.

If you're settling for someone, and not 100% over the moon for them, I can understand that. Fortunately, that's not my case.

Some of us have our own identities and are not so needy that we need to be with our SO 24/7.

It's a personality thing, not "settling".