Sexually Active 16 year old
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Anonymous
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I learned that my 16 year old son has been sexually active for the last couple of months with his girlfriend.
This is not something DH or I approve of. When asked DS says that he is using a condom and does not intent to stop. He says that it makes him feel really good and makes him closer to girlfriend. Her parents know and do not have any problems with it. He is a really good kid, playing sports, good grades, respectful etc. but I really don't want to give the impression that I'm good with this, I am not. Question is what should we do? Seems like trying to hammer him would not result in stopping this activity short of full time grounding. Doing nothing we appear to condone such activity. Kinda lost on what to do. |
Anonymous
He says her parents know and are OK with it? BS. Parents need to have a face to face sit-down with each other. If this has been going on for two months with no intention of stopping, some serious action needs to be taken by ALL the parents. |
Anonymous
Sure, there are NO consequences on HIM, especially since he's such a good kid -- what about HER? What's HER home-life like? How are HER grades? What are the consequences for HER, especially once that condom breaks or slips off because two teen-age dips hits don't know how to use it correctly? And I take it that they are sneaking around in each other's houses, or do her condoning parents pay for hotel rooms and let them do it in her room? |
Anonymous
| Where are they even having sex at? |
Anonymous
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Where they are having sex is a moot point. I remember being a teenager. Having sex at each other's houses when parents werent home. Or were home but were asleep. Sex in cars. Sex in the woods. Sex in parks. Sex in cheap motels sometimes if someone had extra money. Sex at friends houses... Teenagers find out a way to have sex.
If I were you, I would support his being safe and responsible vs trying to get him to stop. He isnt going to stop. At this point, much better that you are honest with him, and he with you. At least it is a long-term girlfriend. Make sure he is going to continue to use condoms. Even supply them if you have to. He HAS to use a condom. Stress how much his life will change if he gets her pregnant. That can absolutely not happen. If he gets her pregnant he can say goodbye to college, and going out with friends, and living on his own ever...hello to a minimum wage job and supporting his gf and child. Make that *very* clear to him. Tell him you won't support them if this happens--you wont pay for college, their living situation, etc. I mean, yes you likely would, but don't tell him that part. I would also talk to her parents. If they *really* are ok with it, is she on the pill? She should be. Along with the condoms. |
Anonymous
| SO, he has a job to help support the baby they are about to make? **condoms are not 100% y'know** |
Anonymous
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I don't know how you stop it. But She needs a second/backup birth control method. Condoms are easy to misuse, and can be forgotten.
Pandora's Box is open. Now it is time to minimize the impact. Impact is disease and pregnancy. She goes on some type of BC + condoms, risk of pregnancy is small. Risk for disease is low. |
Anonymous
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He says her parents know and are OK with it? BS. Parents need to have a face to face sit-down with each other. If this has been going on for two months with no intention of stopping, some serious action needs to be taken by ALL the parents. She is also a nice kid and her grades are strong. Her mom is a single parent (dad left family 10 years ago). She says "O'h well kids will be kids" and has not problems with this. When I told her that I was not OK with this nor was his father, she said that is "your problem" and not hers. They have had unsupervised time at both houses. I suppose I could stop unsupervised at our house and not allow him to go to hers? Practical experience tells me that once this genie is out of the bottle, its not going back. |
Anonymous
| Seriously people? Most of my friends - all good kids, great grades, athletic, nice were having sex at 16 if they had a serious boyfriend. I'd be happy that he is in a relationship versus hooking up all the time like a lot of kids that age. And they're being responsible! |
Anonymous
| Or what if she wants to get an abortion? Has that been discussed? |
Anonymous
+1000 Trying to shame him out of having sex is worse for his well-being than having sex with his girlfriend. |
Anonymous
This. When did you expect DS to become sexually active? 16-17-18 range is pretty normal and shouldn't be a surprise if they have been dating a while. |
Anonymous
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I know when I was 16, back in the Carter Administration, I would have had sex if I had the chance.
Think back to your own childhood. This is a very precarious situation. If you handle it wrong, you will alienate your child. |
Anonymous
He says her parents know and are OK with it? BS. Parents need to have a face to face sit-down with each other. If this has been going on for two months with no intention of stopping, some serious action needs to be taken by ALL the parents. She is also a nice kid and her grades are strong. Her mom is a single parent (dad left family 10 years ago). She says "O'h well kids will be kids" and has not problems with this. When I told her that I was not OK with this nor was his father, she said that is "your problem" and not hers. They have had unsupervised time at both houses. I suppose I could stop unsupervised at our house and not allow him to go to hers? Practical experience tells me that once this genie is out of the bottle, its not going back. Even if there is no unsupervised time at each other's houses, they will find a way. Horny teenagers always find a way. Seriously even if you ground him everywhere but school, I guarantee they will find an empty room at school. Is she also on the pill? |
Anonymous
| she could be the next Chelsea Handler. |