Sexually Active 16 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach high school, and I can assure you that AT LEAST half of 16 year olds have sex. One thing I've noticed is how the attitude surrounding sex has changed among that age group: I'm 37 and when I was 16, the numbers were the same, but people generally had a lot fewer partners than many kids today. So, I don't think kids have sex sooner, but they are more casual about when/who/how many, and they are more comfortable talking about it whenever/in front of whoever at school.

My aunt is a school nurse, and she supports this theory as well.

Lord I must be a dinosaur. When I was a teenager there were certain kids having sex and believe me we ALL knew about it. I even knew which of the girls had nice titties and other vivid details . And I went to a big HS. It made me more than happy to wait to get to college before I took the cork out of that bottle.

Sex can be sooo gross when kids start too young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Mom of nerdy 15 year old here. SO glad he is nerdy!!! I don't have to worry about this ridiculous idea of sex at such a young age. He doesn't have a girlfriend. He is just interested in hanging out with his friends, doing his sports, and playing video games/watching movies. So young and innocent, I know he won't be having sex any time soon. I feel so sorry for you parents of the "fast crowd."

LOL, I was "nerdy" too....LOL LOL LOL If only that were truly protection.

+1. DH is one of the nerdiest guys I know. He was laying pipe (in me) at age 16, and I definitely wasn't his first.

You married the guy you dated when you were 16... and you think you are in a position to say... hey look at me, turned out fine.

WTH! You don't know anything about the pp. My first though after reading that was "Wow, that's amazing that you married your high school sweetheart and are still together." I think it's admirable.

and I think it's pathetic. We are not in Kansas anymore... okay maybe they are.

Actually, no, North Arlington (22207). It's 22 years later and we're happily married with kids. Still have an extremely fulfilling sex life. Any other stupid assumptions you want to make?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I learned that my 16 year old son has been sexually active for the last couple of months with his girlfriend.

This is not something DH or I approve of. When asked DS says that he is using a condom and does not intent to stop. He says that it makes him feel really good and makes him closer to girlfriend. Her parents know and do not have any problems with it.

He is a really good kid, playing sports, good grades, respectful etc. but I really don't want to give the impression that I'm good with this, I am not.

Question is what should we do? Seems like trying to hammer him would not result in stopping this activity short of full time grounding. Doing nothing we appear to condone such activity.

Kinda lost on what to do.

OP, I really feel for you. I have boys and something like this is one of my nightmares. Mine are younger than yours so I may not know what I'm talking about here, but I'd like to think this is what I would do:

I would start by calling his bluff. I would say "Great! So, her parents know about this and are happy about it. Sounds like we're all going to be one big happy family." I would then proceed to tell him that I am inviting her parents over for dinner and we're all going to talk about this. I would serve a lovely dinner and have you and DH be gracious hosts. But during the meal, I would make it very clear that we do not approve of sex outside of marriage (especially at this age -- I am so with you on that) and say -- in front of all of them -- that your son was brought up to take sex seriously. So, we assume that this relationship is permanent and heading somewhere. Where is she going to college? What are her future plans?

I would let them know in no uncertain terms that you two are not happy about this, but if this is the way it's going to be, it's going to happen on your terms, as long as he is a minor living in your home.

You can take it from there. Get creative, lower the boom and see what happens. But be very nice about it all, of course.

I think this is sweet but you can't assume that this girl or her parents would come to a dinner like that or be receptive to anything that you have to say. I understand your values, I really do but the one who needs to abide by those standards is your son. And he really, really needs to choose a young woman who has those same standards. You can't browbeat other people into feeling the same way that you do. You can not even assume that other families that you like and maybe even know through church feel the same way that you do.

16 is very young to be making lifelong commitments. That is absolutely true.

You're missing the point. If I were OP, I couldn't care less if this girl or her parents would be receptive to what I had to say.

The purpose would be to break them up.

Yes, that would be ideal. But if they don't care that their daughter is having sex, they won't care what your own opinion is on the matter. The one you have to talk to is your boy.

Why would you want to break them up? Why is that the ideal? Do you think he won't sleep with his next girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Best you keep them a couple and make sure her parents are aware and she has back up contraception. Once you start having sex, you usually don't stop, especially if you are a horney teenager. If you break them up, what's to stop him from hooking up with random girls now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I learned that my 16 year old son has been sexually active for the last couple of months with his girlfriend.

This is not something DH or I approve of. When asked DS says that he is using a condom and does not intent to stop. He says that it makes him feel really good and makes him closer to girlfriend. Her parents know and do not have any problems with it.

He is a really good kid, playing sports, good grades, respectful etc. but I really don't want to give the impression that I'm good with this, I am not.

Question is what should we do? Seems like trying to hammer him would not result in stopping this activity short of full time grounding. Doing nothing we appear to condone such activity.

Kinda lost on what to do.

OP, I really feel for you. I have boys and something like this is one of my nightmares. Mine are younger than yours so I may not know what I'm talking about here, but I'd like to think this is what I would do:

I would start by calling his bluff. I would say "Great! So, her parents know about this and are happy about it. Sounds like we're all going to be one big happy family." I would then proceed to tell him that I am inviting her parents over for dinner and we're all going to talk about this. I would serve a lovely dinner and have you and DH be gracious hosts. But during the meal, I would make it very clear that we do not approve of sex outside of marriage (especially at this age -- I am so with you on that) and say -- in front of all of them -- that your son was brought up to take sex seriously. So, we assume that this relationship is permanent and heading somewhere. Where is she going to college? What are her future plans?

I would let them know in no uncertain terms that you two are not happy about this, but if this is the way it's going to be, it's going to happen on your terms, as long as he is a minor living in your home.

You can take it from there. Get creative, lower the boom and see what happens. But be very nice about it all, of course.

I think this is sweet but you can't assume that this girl or her parents would come to a dinner like that or be receptive to anything that you have to say. I understand your values, I really do but the one who needs to abide by those standards is your son. And he really, really needs to choose a young woman who has those same standards. You can't browbeat other people into feeling the same way that you do. You can not even assume that other families that you like and maybe even know through church feel the same way that you do.

16 is very young to be making lifelong commitments. That is absolutely true.

You're missing the point. If I were OP, I couldn't care less if this girl or her parents would be receptive to what I had to say.

The purpose would be to break them up.

Yes, that would be ideal. But if they don't care that their daughter is having sex, they won't care what your own opinion is on the matter. The one you have to talk to is your boy.

Why would you want to break them up? Why is that the ideal? Do you think he won't sleep with his next girlfriend?

NP. It sounds like this boy is too immature to be dating, period. So yes, breaking up with his current squeeze sounds like a good idea. Who's to say there will be a next girlfriend any time soon.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the responses, but the ones at the beginning leave me wondering who in the hell you people are to be shocked that 16-year-olds are having sex. When I was 15, my mother found out I was having sex w/ my serious boyfriend. Although we used condoms, she took me to her OB and put me on the pill. Looking back (and listening to some of the PPs) I realize how much courage that took for my mom. My mother almost joined the convent and was a virgin when she met my dad. Yet, she didn't have her head in the sand and realized she needed to protect me. I, by the way, ended up just fine. OP, I would listen to the PPs who said not to try to stop this. Be responsible and teach your son the same. I would want to know if his GF is on the pill, and if she's not, she should be. At the very least, she should have easy access to the morning after pill in case the condom breaks, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I teach high school, and I can assure you that AT LEAST half of 16 year olds have sex. One thing I've noticed is how the attitude surrounding sex has changed among that age group: I'm 37 and when I was 16, the numbers were the same, but people generally had a lot fewer partners than many kids today. So, I don't think kids have sex sooner, but they are more casual about when/who/how many, and they are more comfortable talking about it whenever/in front of whoever at school.

My aunt is a school nurse, and she supports this theory as well.

Lord I must be a dinosaur. When I was a teenager there were certain kids having sex and believe me we ALL knew about it. I even knew which of the girls had nice titties and other vivid details . And I went to a big HS. It made me more than happy to wait to get to college before I took the cork out of that bottle.

Sex can be sooo gross when kids start too young.

Actually, today's teens smoke less, drink less, and have less sex than any teens on record.

http://www.vox.com/2016/6/9/11887580/teen-behavior-2015

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I learned that my 16 year old son has been sexually active for the last couple of months with his girlfriend.

This is not something DH or I approve of. When asked DS says that he is using a condom and does not intent to stop. He says that it makes him feel really good and makes him closer to girlfriend. Her parents know and do not have any problems with it.

He is a really good kid, playing sports, good grades, respectful etc. but I really don't want to give the impression that I'm good with this, I am not.

Question is what should we do? Seems like trying to hammer him would not result in stopping this activity short of full time grounding. Doing nothing we appear to condone such activity.

Kinda lost on what to do.

How is he immature? She said he's a good kid, he was honest with his parents, he's using protection. It's not ideal, but it's no tragedy.
OP, I really feel for you. I have boys and something like this is one of my nightmares. Mine are younger than yours so I may not know what I'm talking about here, but I'd like to think this is what I would do:

I would start by calling his bluff. I would say "Great! So, her parents know about this and are happy about it. Sounds like we're all going to be one big happy family." I would then proceed to tell him that I am inviting her parents over for dinner and we're all going to talk about this. I would serve a lovely dinner and have you and DH be gracious hosts. But during the meal, I would make it very clear that we do not approve of sex outside of marriage (especially at this age -- I am so with you on that) and say -- in front of all of them -- that your son was brought up to take sex seriously. So, we assume that this relationship is permanent and heading somewhere. Where is she going to college? What are her future plans?

I would let them know in no uncertain terms that you two are not happy about this, but if this is the way it's going to be, it's going to happen on your terms, as long as he is a minor living in your home.

You can take it from there. Get creative, lower the boom and see what happens. But be very nice about it all, of course.

I think this is sweet but you can't assume that this girl or her parents would come to a dinner like that or be receptive to anything that you have to say. I understand your values, I really do but the one who needs to abide by those standards is your son. And he really, really needs to choose a young woman who has those same standards. You can't browbeat other people into feeling the same way that you do. You can not even assume that other families that you like and maybe even know through church feel the same way that you do.

16 is very young to be making lifelong commitments. That is absolutely true.

You're missing the point. If I were OP, I couldn't care less if this girl or her parents would be receptive to what I had to say.

The purpose would be to break them up.

Yes, that would be ideal. But if they don't care that their daughter is having sex, they won't care what your own opinion is on the matter. The one you have to talk to is your boy.

Why would you want to break them up? Why is that the ideal? Do you think he won't sleep with his next girlfriend?

NP. It sounds like this boy is too immature to be dating, period. So yes, breaking up with his current squeeze sounds like a good idea. Who's to say there will be a next girlfriend any time soon.

[Anonymous]

A sexually active serious teen couple is the WORST (going through this right now). TBH, I'd rather my DD be promiscuous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A sexually active serious teen couple is the WORST (going through this right now). TBH, I'd rather my DD be promiscuous.

I would want them to be respectful to each other and responsible for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I teach high school, and I can assure you that AT LEAST half of 16 year olds have sex. One thing I've noticed is how the attitude surrounding sex has changed among that age group: I'm 37 and when I was 16, the numbers were the same, but people generally had a lot fewer partners than many kids today. So, I don't think kids have sex sooner, but they are more casual about when/who/how many, and they are more comfortable talking about it whenever/in front of whoever at school.

My aunt is a school nurse, and she supports this theory as well.

Lord I must be a dinosaur. When I was a teenager there were certain kids having sex and believe me we ALL knew about it. I even knew which of the girls had nice titties and other vivid details . And I went to a big HS. It made me more than happy to wait to get to college before I took the cork out of that bottle.

Sex can be sooo gross when kids start too young.

Actually, today's teens smoke less, drink less, and have less sex than any teens on record.

http://www.vox.com/2016/6/9/11887580/teen-behavior-2015

Then the notion that over half of HS juniors and seniors are having sex might be a bit of an overestimate. Just because "everyone's doing it" doesn't mean that everyone is doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A sexually active serious teen couple is the WORST (going through this right now). TBH, I'd rather my DD be promiscuous.

Please explain, this makes zero sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A sexually active serious teen couple is the WORST (going through this right now). TBH, I'd rather my DD be promiscuous.

Please explain, this makes zero sense to me.

A long term relationship distracts them. They don't want to hang out with friends or do anything that doesn't involve the other person. When sex is involved it makes the relationship too intense and if the guy is a loser, forget it.

Unless the breakup occurs before high school graduation, college choices revolve around that other person. IMO, senior year of high school/college life should be experienced single.

[Anonymous]

I got laid the first time when I was 16 by girl that I did not particularly like (we were dating but I was luke warm on the relationship).

After having sex, my opinion of her skyrocketed. My 16 year old mind could not separate sex from our relationship. She spent the next 6 months treating me like shit but given that we were f*cking like rabbits, I rolled with the punches. Only after 6 months did I start to see how much of a manipulator she was and that she used her p*ssy a my bait.

My oldest is only 13 and I'm not sure that I can put this into words that will override his soon to be 16 year sex drive. I will try to get him to wait as long as he can as you gain maturity that allows greater introspection (although my 40 year ass still thinks with the little head too often).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A sexually active serious teen couple is the WORST (going through this right now). TBH, I'd rather my DD be promiscuous.

Please explain, this makes zero sense to me.

A long term relationship distracts them. They don't want to hang out with friends or do anything that doesn't involve the other person. When sex is involved it makes the relationship too intense and if the guy is a loser, forget it.

Unless the breakup occurs before high school graduation, college choices revolve around that other person. IMO, senior year of high school/college life should be experienced single.

+ 1000

I have a friend whose 16 yo daughter is going thru this now. Long term relationship, sexually active, doesn't see friends, dropped out of sports and other school activities. She was an all star swimmer and gave that up too. Very sad. The boy seems nice enough to, although he got caught smoking weed and drinking once.