Inflexible family gathering

[Anonymous]

We usually go to ILs for Fourth of July. The have a small BBQ for a very small group of local family.

I JUST got back to work after maternity leave, and have accrued zero vacation days. By August, I'll have accrued the four vacation days I'll need for our trip to the Grand Canyon with my family, which has been planned for two years, even before new baby was conceived.

Without even asking me, because it makes so much sense to do so, DH asked ILs if we can have the Independence Day BBQ on Sunday the 3rd, as the actual Fourth is on a Monday, and we'd prefer to use Sunday as our travel day, so there will be no need to either take leave, or drive late at night with our baby and toddler.

MIL said no way! Party will be Monday from 2-8. As usual. Even after DH checked with cousins and aunt/uncle, and they all were fine with celebrating on the 3rd, MIL said no way..."it's tradition." Keep in mind we see them often, including last weekend when they were here.

My husband proposed the following options to me...what would you do?
A) take a vacation day, and go into vacation "debt" in August for Grand Canyon
B) go to party, but leave at 4 pm to make it home by 9 pm, go to work next day
C) go for an IL visit, but leave Monday morning and skip the party
D) tell them we will visit another weekend, and make arrangements to have brunch or something with extended family

DH is open to all of the above. Thoughts? TIA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We usually go to ILs for Fourth of July. The have a small BBQ for a very small group of local family.

I JUST got back to work after maternity leave, and have accrued zero vacation days. By August, I'll have accrued the four vacation days I'll need for our trip to the Grand Canyon with my family, which has been planned for two years, even before new baby was conceived.

Without even asking me, because it makes so much sense to do so, DH asked ILs if we can have the Independence Day BBQ on Sunday the 3rd, as the actual Fourth is on a Monday, and we'd prefer to use Sunday as our travel day, so there will be no need to either take leave, or drive late at night with our baby and toddler.

MIL said no way! Party will be Monday from 2-8. As usual. Even after DH checked with cousins and aunt/uncle, and they all were fine with celebrating on the 3rd, MIL said no way..."it's tradition." Keep in mind we see them often, including last weekend when they were here.

My husband proposed the following options to me...what would you do?
A) take a vacation day, and go into vacation "debt" in August for Grand Canyon
B) go to party, but leave at 4 pm to make it home by 9 pm, go to work next day
C) go for an IL visit, but leave Monday morning and skip the party
D) tell them we will visit another weekend, and make arrangements to have brunch or something with extended family

DH is open to all of the above. Thoughts? TIA!

Oops, meant to say "prefer to use Monday as our travel day."

[Anonymous]

Blow it off. That's a long haul for a stupid party.

[Anonymous]

Don't go

[Anonymous]

Hi, Op

Sorry about the lack of flexibility on the part of your family. My question to you is what do you want to do? If you had the vacation time would you want to go to the party? I don't think we can give you the answer but once you figure out what you want to do the rest will be easy. For example, if you want to do the Fourth of July because of tradition and not obligation than take a day off and lose one in August. However, if you don't want to go and skip this one year it is totally fine to do something else another weekend.

Don't make the mistake we did and take little ones to the fireworks. Way too much noise and stimulation for our little ones!

[Anonymous]

Skip it!

[Anonymous]

skip it, you have a new baby.

[Anonymous]

I expected something different from the title OP ... it is hardly "inflexible" to want to have your 4th of July party on the 4th! It was pretty ballsy of you to ask to change it just for the sake of saving a vacation day. Anyway, I'd say go and come back late on the 4th.

[Anonymous]

D.

[Anonymous]

I'd say C - go visit and leave early to avoid traffic. Once we had kids I totally stopped traveling for these family events. We were in MD, family all in new England. It was too much to try and make every little thing. Weddings yes, Holiday BBQ, no

[doodlebug]

I'd skip it or else go home in the morning on the 4th. If I were feeling energetic (given you've just had a baby) and I knew everything was ready to go for the work week, then maybe I'd stay until 4 but I'd probably skip it and roast hot dogs at home instead.

[Anonymous]

Go leave early call out sick next day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I expected something different from the title OP ... it is hardly "inflexible" to want to have your 4th of July party on the 4th! It was pretty ballsy of you to ask to change it just for the sake of saving a vacation day. Anyway, I'd say go and come back late on the 4th.

Actually, it's pretty much the definition of inflexible, especially with this much notice and given OP's situation. It's hardly 'ballsy'. It's a 4th of July party, not a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I expected something different from the title OP ... it is hardly "inflexible" to want to have your 4th of July party on the 4th! It was pretty ballsy of you to ask to change it just for the sake of saving a vacation day. Anyway, I'd say go and come back late on the 4th.

Do you have reading comprehension problems? OP didn't ask them to change the date; her husband did. Plus, for a family-only gathering...who cares? Point is to SEE FAMILY, and everyone else was cool it.

This is not a wedding or a formal party. It's a small family BBQ. Please.

[Anonymous]

First I was going to say C or D but a 5 hour drive for 4th of July with holiday traffic & you have a baby?! Skip it!! A new baby is literally an excuse to skip anything. Life is short, saying no is liberating (I'm a former YES person)!