Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?

[Anonymous]

I'm on the outside looking in here. My DH's cousin's wife clearly favors her first born. It is blatant and kind of sad.

I just wonder how his only sibling will grow up feeling.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but they hid it until I was an adult. I figured it out later after I came out of denial.

[Anonymous]

I was always painfully aware that my younger sister was the favorite. Yes, it sucked. What kind of advice are you looking for here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was always painfully aware that my younger sister was the favorite. Yes, it sucked. What kind of advice are you looking for here?

Anything I can do? I mean does it really help to get a bunch of attention from an "aunt" when you are 1.5 and your mother is ignoring you in favor of her golden child?

[Anonymous]

How old are their kids? And how is she favoring the older one? Are you sure it's true favoring rather than being in awe of everything the first one does bc he/she does it first? I know that was the case in my family as I was second -- everything I did mattered less from walking/talking to high school graduation to getting into college -- bc they had just seen my sister do it 3 yrs prior so they had it all figured out.

[Anonymous]

Yep. My brother was totally The Golden Child. He didn't fall from grace until his mid 30's when he married a shiksa who didn't fall all over herself sucking up to my mother.

My mom made him special meals on the first day of school but not me, she ALWAYS took his side when he and I were fighting, when he would do something wrong she'd punish and then let it go whereas with me she's STILL bringing up that thing I broke in 1981, etc.

It's annoying. My brother admits he was her favorite. I was my grandma's favorite. My mother won't admit it or that she treated him better. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

Yes, DH was and is still the favorite. He's very successful, and his brother is a complete loser. No job or car kind of loser. Maybe $100 to his name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are their kids? And how is she favoring the older one? Are you sure it's true favoring rather than being in awe of everything the first one does bc he/she does it first? I know that was the case in my family as I was second -- everything I did mattered less from walking/talking to high school graduation to getting into college -- bc they had just seen my sister do it 3 yrs prior so they had it all figured out.

4 and 1.5. She very much wanted a girl and got another boy. She was disappointed from the gender reveal ultrasound.

I witnessed her slap her 1.5's hand away when he tried to get in on a hug she was giving to 4.

She makes big special parties for 4 and didn't even have a party for 1.5's first. The grandparents threw a BBQ.

4 brings her a flower and she puts it in her hair. 1.5 does the same and she criticized that it was a weed with bugs on it.

1.5 never has anything special said about him. 4 is AMAZING and WONDEFUL and so advanced for being such a SPIRITED child.

4 has big beautiful blue eyes, 1.5 has boring brown eyes

Stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep. My brother was totally The Golden Child. He didn't fall from grace until his mid 30's when he married a shiksa who didn't fall all over herself sucking up to my mother.

My mom made him special meals on the first day of school but not me, she ALWAYS took his side when he and I were fighting, when he would do something wrong she'd punish and then let it go whereas with me she's STILL bringing up that thing I broke in 1981, etc.

It's annoying. My brother admits he was her favorite. I was my grandma's favorite. My mother won't admit it or that she treated him better. Whatever.

OMG, I have a jewish family friend and I can just hear the conversations that must have taken place in my head over that. haha

[Anonymous]

My sister was born at 30 weeks in the 70s. She had lots of health problems until the age of 5 or so. In those years my mother did ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for her and couldn't really concentrate on anything or anyone else. It tapered off and things returned to normal after those first years but I never forgot how much I hated that feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was always painfully aware that my younger sister was the favorite. Yes, it sucked. What kind of advice are you looking for here?

Anything I can do? I mean does it really help to get a bunch of attention from an "aunt" when you are 1.5 and your mother is ignoring you in favor of her golden child?

No, it won't fix it, but it still will be valuable. I was the very unfavored child and my life was very quiet bc my mother never spent any time talking to me or being with me. I would have really benefited if I had a mentor or favorite aunt or uncle or whatever.

[Anonymous]

^OP again and I'd also like to mention that if you look at her social media you'd never know she had another son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep. My brother was totally The Golden Child. He didn't fall from grace until his mid 30's when he married a shiksa who didn't fall all over herself sucking up to my mother.

My mom made him special meals on the first day of school but not me, she ALWAYS took his side when he and I were fighting, when he would do something wrong she'd punish and then let it go whereas with me she's STILL bringing up that thing I broke in 1981, etc.

It's annoying. My brother admits he was her favorite. I was my grandma's favorite. My mother won't admit it or that she treated him better. Whatever.

OMG, I have a jewish family friend and I can just hear the conversations that must have taken place in my head over that. haha

It was more a problem that she doesn't fall all over herself sucking up to my mom - she converted to Judaism. Right now there's a lull, because they've produced a baby, but soon enough my mother will be back to sniffing in contempt that SIL doesn't ask for parenting advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep. My brother was totally The Golden Child. He didn't fall from grace until his mid 30's when he married a shiksa who didn't fall all over herself sucking up to my mother.

My mom made him special meals on the first day of school but not me, she ALWAYS took his side when he and I were fighting, when he would do something wrong she'd punish and then let it go whereas with me she's STILL bringing up that thing I broke in 1981, etc.

It's annoying. My brother admits he was her favorite. I was my grandma's favorite. My mother won't admit it or that she treated him better. Whatever.

OMG, I have a jewish family friend and I can just hear the conversations that must have taken place in my head over that. haha

It was more a problem that she doesn't fall all over herself sucking up to my mom - she converted to Judaism. Right now there's a lull, because they've produced a baby, but soon enough my mother will be back to sniffing in contempt that SIL doesn't ask for parenting advice.

I am sorry to giggle about it but the karma biting your mom in the bum is pretty amusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep. My brother was totally The Golden Child. He didn't fall from grace until his mid 30's when he married a shiksa who didn't fall all over herself sucking up to my mother.

My mom made him special meals on the first day of school but not me, she ALWAYS took his side when he and I were fighting, when he would do something wrong she'd punish and then let it go whereas with me she's STILL bringing up that thing I broke in 1981, etc.

It's annoying. My brother admits he was her favorite. I was my grandma's favorite. My mother won't admit it or that she treated him better. Whatever.

This has nothing to do with being a favored sibling but when I was 8 years old I lost this little hello kitty purse. My father has never ever let me live this down. Every purse purchase after that was a lecture and a reminder. Every purse now is a "hope you don't lose it"

Dad I'm 43, please just stop.