Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother

[Anonymous]

“Sis, I need to speak frankly here. Mom provided years of free childcare so little Larla and Larlo could stay at home instead of going to daycare. Now you need step up and take care of mom in her time of need. You and BIL can take 4 days and I will take one. But I’m not taking more than that and you guys need to figure it out.”

#TeamWife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, seriously. You're okay with your sister not doing much. You're okay with her husband being awful. You're okay with your father continuing to work. The only person you're not letting off the hook is your wife. And you wonder why she's holding firm on her boundaries? Come on. You are treating her like crap here. If you can tell your wife "tough sh*t" then you can say the same thing to your sister.

And that leaves no help for OP’s mom or dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Wife here. Your mom provided thousands and thousands of dollars worth of free childcare to your sister. (Say, 2 kids x 5 years each x $16,000 = $160k at a minimum). She can pay for a service now.

Best post so far.

Don’t forget MIL was collecting disability while caring for these children.

Well, there is that. Sounds like MIL was happy to spend time with her grandchildren. She was allowed to do that and she did.

While on fraudulent “I can’t work” taxpayer dole, so actually we all paid everything!

Oh shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with your wife on this, too. This is not for her to solve.

Yes it is. You marry into a family and you help with elderly parents. OP, if I were you, I would just hire someone to be with her. Your wife sounds like a real bitch

You sound like a peach yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry about your situation, OP.

Your wife seems to be a person who does not recognize how she in injuring her own relationship with you.

All I can say is that I am embarrassed for your wife. Helping a little bit now allows your dad to be more financially secure and less of a burden on you down the road.

I agree. You are entitled to help your dad financially if you want to.

No - OP is not able to unilaterally decide to spend household money any more than his wife is - especially when you add in that he wants to shift the non-monetary cost of his plan to his wife (namely abdicating parenting responsibilities multiple days out of the week and for weeks on end with no planned end date). If he wants to use his ‘fun’ money on this, he can do that and put the burden of sacrifice on himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry about your situation, OP.

Your wife seems to be a person who does not recognize how she in injuring her own relationship with you.

All I can say is that I am embarrassed for your wife. Helping a little bit now allows your dad to be more financially secure and less of a burden on you down the road.

I agree. You are entitled to help your dad financially if you want to.

No - OP is not able to unilaterally decide to spend household money any more than his wife is - especially when you add in that he wants to shift the non-monetary cost of his plan to his wife (namely abdicating parenting responsibilities multiple days out of the week and for weeks on end with no planned end date). If he wants to use his ‘fun’ money on this, he can do that and put the burden of sacrifice on himself.

Not weeks! He wants to unilaterally do this for TWO YEARS!

Ha! Try it and he might be divorced by the end!

[Anonymous]

It is one thing if this were a few weeks or months. If there was an END date in the foreseeable future. This arrangement will not only go on for YEARS but it is very likely given the sister's reluctance to step up, that she will be bowing out very soon. Leaving the majority to OP and his wife.
The dad needs to step up and pay for a nurse or someone to check in. LIkely the needs will only increase over the next 2 years so it is better to get someone in now to build rapport with the mom and get to know her.
Hell, pay a neighbor or a college student (I think college sitter.com does elderly visits/care as well). There has to be a nursing student interested.

OPs wife is 100% correct in not wanting to pay in both money and time given the frequency and duration that this care will be needed.

OP, stand up to your dad and sister and do what is best for your mom.

[Anonymous]

I wish OP's wife knew about this post. We'd probably have a divorce gofund me going in a matter of minutes.

[Anonymous]

OP, did not read the whole thread. You actually have a bad marriage. So sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did not read the whole thread. You actually have a bad marriage. So sorry because you're a horrible husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish OP's wife knew about this post. We'd probably have a divorce gofund me going in a matter of minutes.

I would donate.