Best Friend Sleeping Around

[Anonymous]

My best friend for like 10+ years and her fiancé broke-off their engagement about sixmonths ago. She hasn't been taking it well. She's been sleeping around with random guys A LOT. Since her break-up, she's gone on a trips and has had multiple one night stands during that trip. Here, she goes out to bars, sometimes with her single friends, sometimes with me, sometimes by herself and ends-up sleeping with a guy. One weekend, she slept with 3 different men. I've told her his behavior isn't healthy, that guys don't respect or like women who sleep around a lot. I also said how would her future husband feel if he know how promiscuous she was. She says she just wants to live her life and I should drop the topic.

My friend is 31 years old. Prior to her sex binge, she had only slept with 11 guys (all while in relationships). During the last 9 months, she has had sex with 16 more guys. I think that's insane.

What should I do? I love my friend and think she needs help.

[Anonymous]

Sex is great. I would have it daily if I could. The beauty of being single is you can do what you want. Absent anything else (excessive drinking, drinking and driving, sex with no condoms) you're just talking about a difference in what you find acceptable. No right or wrong here. Let her have fun.

[Rogue7]

Well, at 31, she is an adult, and as such, capable of making her own decisions. How does she even remember the actual number of guys she slept with? And how do you remember it? Hopefully she is ensuring they are using protection. You make it sound like the guy broke off the engagement. Correct? Do you know why?
I am not too sure a spouse needs to know the other's sexual past. why?
all you can really do is talk to her. Tell her you love her. See what happens.

[Anonymous]

How dare you slut shame her? MYOFB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend for like 10+ years and her fiancé broke-off their engagement about sixmonths ago. She hasn't been taking it well. She's been sleeping around with random guys A LOT. Since her break-up, she's gone on a trips and has had multiple one night stands during that trip. Here, she goes out to bars, sometimes with her single friends, sometimes with me, sometimes by herself and ends-up sleeping with a guy. One weekend, she slept with 3 different men. I've told her his behavior isn't healthy, that guys don't respect or like women who sleep around a lot. I also said how would her future husband feel if he know how promiscuous she was. She says she just wants to live her life and I should drop the topic.

My friend is 31 years old. Prior to her sex binge, she had only slept with 11 guys (all while in relationships). During the last 9 months, she has had sex with 16 more guys. I think that's insane.

What should I do? I love my friend and think she needs help.

Then don't do it! Her life, it's her choices. Is she expressing regret? Asking for help? Wanting to stop but can't? That would change my answer. Otherwise, the biggest thing you can do is stop judging or leave her be. There is not necessarily anything wrong here at all.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, my friend's fiancé broke-off the engagement. He couldn't stand her OCD. She is freakishly neat and needs things in order. She keeps an excel spreadsheet of all her "conquests," down to details and ratings! I worry about her. My friend said she uses protection "almost always."

[Anonymous]

http://www.cdc.gov/std/healthcomm/the-facts.htm

[Anonymous]

I think you know what you need to do - your friend asked you to drop the topic, so that's what you should do.

You may have some valid concerns (such as personal safety, risk of contracting an STD or getting pregnant), but a lot of your concerns come off as judgmental. I'd put those aside and focus on helping your friend through this situation and being supportive of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, my friend's fiancé broke-off the engagement. He couldn't stand her OCD. She is freakishly neat and needs things in order. She keeps an excel spreadsheet of all her "conquests," down to details and ratings! I worry about her. My friend said she uses protection "almost always."

Oh boy. "Almost always" sounds like maybe half the time. What she's doing is high risk even with condoms. Is she drunk when she's with these guys? There's nothing inherently "wrong" with promiscuity aside from the STD risk. But the fact that this is a marked change in behavior preceded by an emotional trauma tells me that it's a problem.

The issue though is not the number of guys she's been with or what her future husband will think. The issue is whether she's really okay, or if this behavior is a sign of something wrong. Basically, is she going to regret it in the future. Maybe she needs validation from men right now after being rejected by her fiancé. But, multiple one night stands are not the way to feel better about yourself. As her friend I would try reminding her how great she is as a person, and doing fun things together that make her happy without involving guys. It's probably a post-breakup phase but it's pretty dangerous so she should stop. If she disagrees, show her my dating with herpes thread.

[Anonymous]

"she had slept with only 11 guys"? Only in DCUMland where large # of sex partners = empowerment. Actually most men would be jealous of her as the binge proves any woman can get laid whenever she wants. Men will bang anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, my friend's fiancé broke-off the engagement. He couldn't stand her OCD. She is freakishly neat and needs things in order. She keeps an excel spreadsheet of all her "conquests," down to details and ratings! I worry about her. My friend said she uses protection "almost always."

Did anyone else think that spreadsheet might be a fun read?

[Anonymous]

This is pretty common behavior for women after an emotional breakup. Eventually, she'll get tired of the meaningless sex. I've witnessed several people go through this process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is pretty common behavior for women after an emotional breakup. Eventually, she'll get tired of the meaningless sex. I've witnessed several people go through this process.

Oh, and I'll also add that the women around them are often disturbed by the behavior even when they did the exact same things themselves a year earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend for like 10+ years and her fiancé broke-off their engagement about sixmonths ago. She hasn't been taking it well. She's been sleeping around with random guys A LOT. Since her break-up, she's gone on a trips and has had multiple one night stands during that trip. Here, she goes out to bars, sometimes with her single friends, sometimes with me, sometimes by herself and ends-up sleeping with a guy. One weekend, she slept with 3 different men. I've told her his behavior isn't healthy, that guys don't respect or like women who sleep around a lot. I also said how would her future husband feel if he know how promiscuous she was. She says she just wants to live her life and I should drop the topic.

My friend is 31 years old. Prior to her sex binge, she had only slept with 11 guys (all while in relationships). During the last 9 months, she has had sex with 16 more guys. I think that's insane.

What should I do? I love my friend and think she needs help.[/quote


I feel sorry for the guy who ends up marrying her. He get's all the other guy's leavings and maybe a flaming std.

She's really compromising her health and is at a higher risk for HPV, and other cervical cancers etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, my friend's fiancé broke-off the engagement. He couldn't stand her OCD. She is freakishly neat and needs things in order. She keeps an excel spreadsheet of all her "conquests," down to details and ratings! I worry about her. My friend said she uses protection "almost always."

Oh boy. "Almost always" sounds like maybe half the time. What she's doing is high risk even with condoms. Is she drunk when she's with these guys? There's nothing inherently "wrong" with promiscuity aside from the STD risk. But the fact that this is a marked change in behavior preceded by an emotional trauma tells me that it's a problem.

The issue though is not the number of guys she's been with or what her future husband will think. The issue is whether she's really okay, or if this behavior is a sign of something wrong. Basically, is she going to regret it in the future. Maybe she needs validation from men right now after being rejected by her fiancé. But, multiple one night stands are not the way to feel better about yourself. As her friend I would try reminding her how great she is as a person, and doing fun things together that make her happy without involving guys. It's probably a post-breakup phase but it's pretty dangerous so she should stop. If she disagrees, show her my dating with herpes thread. [/quote


It's very dangerous in terms of cancers and HPV, and really just gross imo.