Afraid to be a SAHM due to chance of divorce. Anyone else?

[Anonymous]

I ashamed to say this but I am only continuing to work because I am afraid of divorce. My marriage is ok. Not great. Three kids under 7. DH makes seven figures. I make 140k (part time law firm lawyer)
So I should really just quit. I would love to be around more, especially because we have a 10 month old.

But I am very scared of divorce and being left with nothing.
Mostly I am afraid he would refuse to pay for their school, which they love.
Tell me I am not the only one.

[Anonymous]

1 in 4 people become disabled.

50 % divorce.

So no it is not weird to worry that your spouse can't sport you for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Is your spouse a raging asshole? I can't imagine my DH refusing to pay for the kids' school if we divorced.

You could always write up a postnup.

[Anonymous]

You need to address the real problem, the fear of divorce. Whether you are a sahm or a working mom makes no difference. If you are relationship is shaky and getting worse you'll end up divorce.

[Anonymous]

Crazy guess, but if you're a lawyer, and I do not know your field, but if you stayed home wouldn't YOU know if you'd get child support & alimony from a spouse making 7 figures?

This isn't to say anyone wants to divorce, just that you could fall back on your law career & you'd probably receive alimony for some time. No?

Or do you have a prenup?

[Anonymous]

I hear you op. You shouldn't be ashamed, you're feeling cautious and probably for good reason (statistically, if not personally).

[Anonymous]

Keep your job. Never depend on anyone else for money.

[Anonymous]

I think your fear is a legitimate one. Perhaps you can get a work from home lawyer job to keep you in the game in case of a divorce? My neighbor does this. She works a very flexible 10-15 hours a week.
I have been a SAHM for the past six years and have just re-entered the paid labor force. It's hard. A lot changes quickly.
My sister, a SAHM, recently found out DH was cheating. I think she feels her choices are limited b/c of money.
If you feel worried now, OP, I would honor that gut feeling.
Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to address the real problem, the fear of divorce. Whether you are a sahm or a working mom makes no difference. If you are relationship is shaky and getting worse you'll end up divorce.

+1. If you are this insecure about your marriage, you should keep working.

[Anonymous]

Statistically, your odds are not 50% that you will divorce. They are probably much lower, since this is likely your first marriage and you likely had a college degree before you were married.

Also, men who make 7 figures might divorce but the cost to them is very high. This is especially true if they have a SAH spouse. My spouse is in a high earning field (finance) and the model is a SAH spouse and a high-earning DH. There are shockingly few divorces, and those that do divorce are not living in poverty. I tried to stay in the work force way too long because I had the same fears. It wasn't good for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Nope. I was a SAHM mom and just returned to work. I knew I wanted to stay home and would not have given up those years for anything. I made significantly less than you and would have struggled to make ends meet but I was willing to take chances. I never wanted to live with regrets.

[Anonymous]

How about a post-nuptial agreement that protects the kids and their educational funding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Crazy guess, but if you're a lawyer, and I do not know your field, but if you stayed home wouldn't YOU know if you'd get child support & alimony from a spouse making 7 figures?

This isn't to say anyone wants to divorce, just that you could fall back on your law career & you'd probably receive alimony for some time. No?

Or do you have a prenup?

Even if she would get spousal support (what used to be called alimony) and child support, some divorced spouses do not pay, hide assets, or do other things designed to obstruct the ex-spouse's ability to collect on those obligations.

OP it's not weird to worry. I think it's wise for all women to keep their foot in the employment door, even if they slow down for different reasons. You could quit but do pro bono, volunteer on bar committees, write/publish in local law journals/newsletters in your practice area. Basically anything to connect you to the field, keep your contacts fresh, etc, should you ever want to go back in the work force.

[Anonymous]

If your husband makes 7 figures, he could easily give you what you make, you could bank it in case you do end up divorced.

I was never afraid I'd get divorced. I married someone I trust with my life. Forever.

[Anonymous]

I think you should keep your job, it is part time and good money. Maybe see if you can cut the hours a bit. You must have a good reason to worry, even when I had the worst fight, I am always sure of my marriage. So that is a valid concern. Unless you are projecting some other anxiety on your DH and relationship, if that is your MO.