Afraid to be a SAHM due to chance of divorce. Anyone else?

[Anonymous]

You are doing the right thing. The downside of getting divorced and trying to get into the workforce years later is huge. Keep you hands in your profession is the right move. Working part time is smart.

Time to work on your marriage though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband makes 7 figures, he could easily give you what you make, you could bank it in case you do end up divorced.

I was never afraid I'd get divorced. I married someone I trust with my life. Forever.

The person you divorce is not the same person you marry.

[Anonymous]

I think it is a realistic fear. And as a PP mentioned, never discount your fears. You are apprehensive for a reason. It is also telling that you seem to anticipate that your DH would be difficult in a divorce situation.

I will add that I think if your marriage is already shaky, becoming a SAHM could actually make things worse. It really changes the dynamics of a marriage.

[Anonymous]

A divorce is going to be a huge change in your standard of living even if you do work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Crazy guess, but if you're a lawyer, and I do not know your field, but if you stayed home wouldn't YOU know if you'd get child support & alimony from a spouse making 7 figures?

This isn't to say anyone wants to divorce, just that you could fall back on your law career & you'd probably receive alimony for some time. No?

Or do you have a prenup?

It doesn't work that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband makes 7 figures, he could easily give you what you make, you could bank it in case you do end up divorced.

I was never afraid I'd get divorced. I married someone I trust with my life. Forever.

I know it makes you feel better to think that this makes your marriage safe. But, PP, I felt exactly the same way about my marriage too. I left a great, stable, well paying job to become a SAHM because our marriage was solid. I trusted him completely. And then found out about secrets he was hiding that made it impossible to stay married. We are divorced now.

You really, truly, just never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband makes 7 figures, he could easily give you what you make, you could bank it in case you do end up divorced.

I was never afraid I'd get divorced. I married someone I trust with my life. Forever.

You must be a very special snowflake indeed.

[Anonymous]

Why would you have 3 kids with someone whom you live in fear that he will divorce you? I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

I never worried able it divorce.

[Anonymous]

*about

[Anonymous]

Are you really afraid of divorce, or afraid of not having a job? If you have savings, you can quit and always get another job later.

[Anonymous]

Agree with other PPs. If you're this afraid/certain of divorce, then your marriage is what needs work. Plenty of people get divorced, regardless of work status. If you're thinking your marriage is headed in that direction, you and your husband need some counseling before you make any other decisions.

Also, if he's not going to support you in SAH, then there's your answer. I'm currently a SAHM, but my husband is 100% on board with that. I wouldn't have married someone who wasn't.

[Anonymous]

I find it far more troubling that you have a husband who makes 7 figures, yet you are afraid that he will deny his kids if you two divorce. That's really something you should address OP, not being a SAHM.

Coming from a SAHM, I really don't think you should do it. Not until you work through things with your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is a realistic fear. And as a PP mentioned, never discount your fears. You are apprehensive for a reason. It is also telling that you seem to anticipate that your DH would be difficult in a divorce situation.

I will add that I think if your marriage is already shaky, becoming a SAHM could actually make things worse. It really changes the dynamics of a marriage.

It made our marriage much better. For us there would have been no chance of a happy life if I continued to work.
Kids and husband wouldn't have been happy at all, would have been impossible for our family (given husbands job demands, my old job hours, kids' needs).
So, I gave up a big part of me for the family.

To make that work you do have to do things to make yourself happy.
A part time job does not sound like a bad idea if you can do that.
Volunteer work, part time work, a hobby, gym time, run a marathon, whatever.
Make sure your whole life isn't your family and you should be good.

If momma's not happy no ones happy..

[Anonymous]

Wow! I am speechless. If you think your husband will not support his own kids, then I will say that your fears are legitimate. Please get advice from some wiser person than this dcum community as to how to safeguard your children's and your own financial interest if and when you divorce.