Afraid to be a SAHM due to chance of divorce. Anyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it far more troubling that you have a husband who makes 7 figures, yet you are afraid that he will deny his kids if you two divorce. That's really something you should address OP, not being a SAHM.

Coming from a SAHM, I really don't think you should do it. Not until you work through things with your DH.

This exactly. I don't doubt that my husband could cheat. After all he's human, we fight on occasion, etc. However I could never see him abandoning his kids. He's an incredible father. Well I guess he could do a 180 and completely abandon them. But the chance if that is so infinitesimally small. I would t stay working just because of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ashamed to say this but I am only continuing to work because I am afraid of divorce. My marriage is ok. Not great. Three kids under 7. DH makes seven figures. I make 140k (part time law firm lawyer)
So I should really just quit. I would love to be around more, especially because we have a 10 month old.

But I am very scared of divorce and being left with nothing.
Mostly I am afraid he would refuse to pay for their school, which they love.
Tell me I am not the only one.

You are ridiculous. Quit your job, spend time with your kids and choose to love your husband. Or as the lady says in the War Room (movie): Yo Huzzzzbaaaaand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is a realistic fear. And as a PP mentioned, never discount your fears. You are apprehensive for a reason. It is also telling that you seem to anticipate that your DH would be difficult in a divorce situation.

I will add that I think if your marriage is already shaky, becoming a SAHM could actually make things worse. It really changes the dynamics of a marriage.

My becoming a SAHM improved my marriage. Everyone in the family, including me, has benefitted. The dynamics of our marriage did change; for the better.

I do agree with your first paragraph, however. I think it's clear OP knows there is something fundamentally wrong in her marriage if she suspects her husband would treat her kids like that in the event of a divorce.

[Anonymous]

I am now in the situation you fear. Stayed home with baby since spring 2014. DH and I cannot stand each other and are over. DD and I are living with my parents while I find a decent job. Of course it's hard. I have no idea who.will hire me at my old salary. I'm volunteering to refresh some skills. And living with parents is no picnic.

But you know what, I wouldnt trade my time at home with baby for the world. Being at home with her for this time has been precious and irreplaceable. Totally worth the risk and struggle to me.

[Anonymous]

SAH only makes sense if both partners are on the same page about it 100%, the marriage is strong, and most importantly the wage earner values having a SAH spouse. The latter has little to do with income and everything to do with perspective.

If you are worried about divorcing as it is, your marriage is clearly not on firm ground. Don't make yourself even more vulnerable.

[Anonymous]

I was a SAHM for 7 years. While getting back into the workforce wasn't easy, it also wasn't impossible. Having babies/toddlers is very hard on a marriage. DH and I found it less stressful to juggle two careers and the household with me at home. Small children are stressful rather you work or not. Analyze your marriage, what are your arguments about? If it boils down to stress and time, you may find staying home to elevate many of the arguments. Only you really know what's going on in your marriage and what needs to be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband makes 7 figures, he could easily give you what you make, you could bank it in case you do end up divorced.

I was never afraid I'd get divorced. I married someone I trust with my life. Forever.

Can I borrow your crystal ball?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your husband makes 7 figures, he could easily give you what you make, you could bank it in case you do end up divorced.

I was never afraid I'd get divorced. I married someone I trust with my life. Forever.

Can I borrow your crystal ball?

No need if you actually have standards when deciding to marry.

[Anonymous]

Dear Lord...who wants to stay at home? You will work harder than you have ever worked in your life if you stay at home. Kids are more demanding than any boss or client I ever had! It is exhausting, and you have no pay check to show for it. At least at work, when I tell people to do something, they do it. I don't have to ask 30 times, and then end up doing it myself. I also get accolades at work. people actually appreciate my time, and what I do. I can't remember that last time I got a thank you for doing my job at home. Besides, where else can I drink my coffee uninterrupted?

Kids are little for a short period of time. Think long and hard before you make this move. Maybe take some time off to see what it would be like before you take the plunge. Also, what kind of allowance will you be given from your dh? You are probably accustomed to a certain lifestyle. You make good money. Seriously...think this through.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't imagine being married to someone in this sort of scenario. That is not marriage. It's a roommate with benefits.

[Anonymous]

OP I like the idea of you getting your DH to give you an allowance in lieu of WOHM. Bank it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it far more troubling that you have a husband who makes 7 figures, yet you are afraid that he will deny his kids if you two divorce. That's really something you should address OP, not being a SAHM.

Coming from a SAHM, I really don't think you should do it. Not until you work through things with your DH.

This exactly. I don't doubt that my husband could cheat. After all he's human, we fight on occasion, etc. However I could never see him abandoning his kids. He's an incredible father. Well I guess he could do a 180 and completely abandon them. But the chance if that is so infinitesimally small. I would t stay working just because of that.

Even men that don't "abandon" their children, don't pay child support after their kids move out. They don't support a grown person that can support themselves. Just because you married somebody that makes 3x your income does not entitle you to that life style for life.

Grow up. If you don't work and divorce you are going to be living in West Virginia if you want a house or Frederick if you are okay with a town house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your husband makes 7 figures, he could easily give you what you make, you could bank it in case you do end up divorced.

I was never afraid I'd get divorced. I married someone I trust with my life. Forever.

Can I borrow your crystal ball?

No need if you actually have standards when deciding to marry.

Oh, brother, one of those...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it far more troubling that you have a husband who makes 7 figures, yet you are afraid that he will deny his kids if you two divorce. That's really something you should address OP, not being a SAHM.

Coming from a SAHM, I really don't think you should do it. Not until you work through things with your DH.

This exactly. I don't doubt that my husband could cheat. After all he's human, we fight on occasion, etc. However I could never see him abandoning his kids. He's an incredible father. Well I guess he could do a 180 and completely abandon them. But the chance if that is so infinitesimally small. I would t stay working just because of that.

Even men that don't "abandon" their children, don't pay child support after their kids move out. They don't support a grown person that can support themselves. Just because you married somebody that makes 3x your income does not entitle you to that life style for life.

Grow up. If you don't work and divorce you are going to be living in West Virginia if you want a house or Frederick if you are okay with a town house.

What the hell are you even talking about? She's talking about her husband not paying for her YOUNG KIDS schooling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Lord...who wants to stay at home? You will work harder than you have ever worked in your life if you stay at home. Kids are more demanding than any boss or client I ever had! It is exhausting, and you have no pay check to show for it. At least at work, when I tell people to do something, they do it. I don't have to ask 30 times, and then end up doing it myself. I also get accolades at work. people actually appreciate my time, and what I do. I can't remember that last time I got a thank you for doing my job at home. Besides, where else can I drink my coffee uninterrupted?

Kids are little for a short period of time. Think long and hard before you make this move. Maybe take some time off to see what it would be like before you take the plunge. Also, what kind of allowance will you be given from your dh? You are probably accustomed to a certain lifestyle. You make good money. Seriously...think this through.

It's such a good thing you never stayed home with your kids.