Afraid to be a SAHM due to chance of divorce. Anyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it far more troubling that you have a husband who makes 7 figures, yet you are afraid that he will deny his kids if you two divorce. That's really something you should address OP, not being a SAHM.

Coming from a SAHM, I really don't think you should do it. Not until you work through things with your DH.

This exactly. I don't doubt that my husband could cheat. After all he's human, we fight on occasion, etc. However I could never see him abandoning his kids. He's an incredible father. Well I guess he could do a 180 and completely abandon them. But the chance if that is so infinitesimally small. I would t stay working just because of that.

Even men that don't "abandon" their children, don't pay child support after their kids move out. They don't support a grown person that can support themselves. Just because you married somebody that makes 3x your income does not entitle you to that life style for life.

Grow up. If you don't work and divorce you are going to be living in West Virginia if you want a house or Frederick if you are okay with a town house.

Not the PP, but your animosity is equal parts hysterical and pathetic. No one here has stated that a SAHM is a SAHM for life. No one's talking about receiving child support after their children have grown and moved out, for crying out loud. You sound idiotic.

You also know nothing about the lifestyles of individual SAHMs. Why would you assume where any of us would be living in the event of a divorce? Clearly, you're speaking for yourself. Doesn't sound like your finances are particularly watertight.

[Anonymous]

After re-reading the OP's post, it's pretty clear OP is just one of the usual trolls, desperate to revive the tiresome anti-SAHM diatribe seen regularly on DCUM. Make up some lame story about a SAHM and watch the reactions pour in. Really, how tiresome and predictable.

Someone clearly leads a very boring and unhappy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it far more troubling that you have a husband who makes 7 figures, yet you are afraid that he will deny his kids if you two divorce. That's really something you should address OP, not being a SAHM.

Coming from a SAHM, I really don't think you should do it. Not until you work through things with your DH.

This exactly. I don't doubt that my husband could cheat. After all he's human, we fight on occasion, etc. However I could never see him abandoning his kids. He's an incredible father. Well I guess he could do a 180 and completely abandon them. But the chance if that is so infinitesimally small. I would t stay working just because of that.

Even men that don't "abandon" their children, don't pay child support after their kids move out. They don't support a grown person that can support themselves. Just because you married somebody that makes 3x your income does not entitle you to that life style for life.

Grow up. If you don't work and divorce you are going to be living in West Virginia if you want a house or Frederick if you are okay with a town house.

Not the PP, but your animosity is equal parts hysterical and pathetic. No one here has stated that a SAHM is a SAHM for life. No one's talking about receiving child support after their children have grown and moved out, for crying out loud. You sound idiotic.

You also know nothing about the lifestyles of individual SAHMs. Why would you assume where any of us would be living in the event of a divorce? Clearly, you're speaking for yourself. Doesn't sound like your finances are particularly watertight.

No. I am a financial planner and most SAHMs think their exH should support their lifestyle after divorce with grown children. Many move to Gaithersburg/n.potomac. But most end up in Urbana. If they want a nice house they have to move further out. Some settle for a little shit shack. Sorry, the truth hurts. Being a widow is no different, a family will blow through a 1/2 M in no time at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Lord...who wants to stay at home? You will work harder than you have ever worked in your life if you stay at home. Kids are more demanding than any boss or client I ever had! It is exhausting, and you have no pay check to show for it. At least at work, when I tell people to do something, they do it. I don't have to ask 30 times, and then end up doing it myself. I also get accolades at work. people actually appreciate my time, and what I do. I can't remember that last time I got a thank you for doing my job at home. Besides, where else can I drink my coffee uninterrupted?

Kids are little for a short period of time. Think long and hard before you make this move. Maybe take some time off to see what it would be like before you take the plunge. Also, what kind of allowance will you be given from your dh? You are probably accustomed to a certain lifestyle. You make good money. Seriously...think this through.

It's such a good thing you never stayed home with your kids.

I think she's joking a wee bit...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Lord...who wants to stay at home? You will work harder than you have ever worked in your life if you stay at home. Kids are more demanding than any boss or client I ever had! It is exhausting, and you have no pay check to show for it. At least at work, when I tell people to do something, they do it. I don't have to ask 30 times, and then end up doing it myself. I also get accolades at work. people actually appreciate my time, and what I do. I can't remember that last time I got a thank you for doing my job at home. Besides, where else can I drink my coffee uninterrupted?

Kids are little for a short period of time. Think long and hard before you make this move. Maybe take some time off to see what it would be like before you take the plunge. Also, what kind of allowance will you be given from your dh? You are probably accustomed to a certain lifestyle. You make good money. Seriously...think this through.

Very well said.

[Anonymous]

Our marriage isn't great either, and that's a small reason of why I keep working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it far more troubling that you have a husband who makes 7 figures, yet you are afraid that he will deny his kids if you two divorce. That's really something you should address OP, not being a SAHM.

Coming from a SAHM, I really don't think you should do it. Not until you work through things with your DH.

There are plenty of wealthy dads who would think nothing of cutting off their progeny from the fruits of their labor. Usually it boils down to one of two situations, sometimes both: 1. Anger at ex-wife (usually, for these master of the universe types, because she dared leave him) 2. New family. You don't get to 7 figures by being sentimental, and these guys will absolutely prioritize new spouse/new kids over the old family.

[Anonymous]

No, but I worry about illness or something else out of our control that changes circumstances. I'm well beyond the baby years and I simply work because I like my job and love my coworkers who are like my 2nd family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep your job. Never depend on anyone else for money.

exactly right! she should start by using her own money for all her expenses now. Don't ask DH for anything other than .5 of all child expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our marriage isn't great either, and that's a small reason of why I keep working.

Maybe because you aren't 10% committed to the marriage. Just a thought but if you have one foot out the door I can see how he would recognize that in your attitude.

[Anonymous]

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Statistically, your odds are not 50% that you will divorce. They are probably much lower, since this is likely your first marriage and you likely had a college degree before you were married.

Also, men who make 7 figures might divorce but the cost to them is very high. This is especially true if they have a SAH spouse. My spouse is in a high earning field (finance) and the model is a SAH spouse and a high-earning DH. There are shockingly few divorces, and those that do divorce are not living in poverty. I tried to stay in the work force way too long because I had the same fears. It wasn't good for anyone.

Maybe the divorce rate is lower for these folks because nobody wants to give up that sweet lifestyle. If they did, the SAH mom would actually have to work for a living. The luxuries would be gone. So they stay together but are miserable. Sounds wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it far more troubling that you have a husband who makes 7 figures, yet you are afraid that he will deny his kids if you two divorce. That's really something you should address OP, not being a SAHM.

Coming from a SAHM, I really don't think you should do it. Not until you work through things with your DH.

This exactly. I don't doubt that my husband could cheat. After all he's human, we fight on occasion, etc. However I could never see him abandoning his kids. He's an incredible father. Well I guess he could do a 180 and completely abandon them. But the chance if that is so infinitesimally small. I would t stay working just because of that.

Once a guy divorces and meets someone else you'd be surprised. I see it all the time with people I know. I would suggest OP works p/t and put money away whatever happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it far more troubling that you have a husband who makes 7 figures, yet you are afraid that he will deny his kids if you two divorce. That's really something you should address OP, not being a SAHM.

Coming from a SAHM, I really don't think you should do it. Not until you work through things with your DH.

This exactly. I don't doubt that my husband could cheat. After all he's human, we fight on occasion, etc. However I could never see him abandoning his kids. He's an incredible father. Well I guess he could do a 180 and completely abandon them. But the chance if that is so infinitesimally small. I would t stay working just because of that.

Once a guy divorces and meets someone else you'd be surprised. I see it all the time with people I know. I would suggest OP works p/t and put money away whatever happens.

+1. To all those who say their DH could NEVER abandon their kids, you'd be shocked. Once they meet another woman, there's someone else who has control or influence over their thinking and often that person isn't as nice and fair minded as you'd like -- she may want DH's financial support going to HER kids and their kids that they may have together -- if that means that the kids from the first marriage are yanked out of private school or have to go to state university on scholarship rather than an ivy, oh well; and often DH doesn't stand up for the kids from the first marriage bc he realizes he's already onto marriage no. 2 (or 3 or whatever) and wants to make this one work and private school for his "other" kids isn't worth fighting about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our marriage isn't great either, and that's a small reason of why I keep working.

+100