We're getting used to not having sex

[Anonymous]

My husband has had problems with ED for about 16 months now. We went for an entire year with him being in denial. He finally got viagara at the end of last year. He seems to be in denial about having to use it since it has worked without it a few times.

We've planned to have "date night" on Saturday nights but often we have other plans. I'm the one who suggests an alternative date or brings up the possibility of other times.

This week he didn't take viagara before our date and it didn't work.

I've always been the higher desire more energetic partner but I'm losing interest. It appears that he is too, I guess...


I want him to suggest the next date night - I'm feeling disappointed a lot

He doesn't seem to have other health issues and is not depressed. He's 50 and pretty happy with his life.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing else going on? Resentment? A crush on somebody/affair?

[Anonymous]

Is he on any other types of meds?

Also, he can take much less on an empty stomach and it will be more effective.

How's the sex overall once everything is working?

[Anonymous]

This happens. I've dealt with a low drive sex for a number of years. Turns out he was even cheating at one point! I don't really desire sex with him and I've given up on being able to have my needs met by him. He's a selfish lover and I'm not interested in trying to coax him into sleeping with me. You have to accept your relationship for what it is and enjoy life with your husband.

[Anonymous]

Op welcome to my world. DW here, only 43, and I can't believe this is how it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happens. I've dealt with a low drive sex for a number of years. Turns out he was even cheating at one point! I don't really desire sex with him and I've given up on being able to have my needs met by him. He's a selfish lover and I'm not interested in trying to coax him into sleeping with me. You have to accept your relationship for what it is and enjoy life with your husband.

He was cheating? I wouldn't want to have sex with him after that. Once a guy cheats on you, it's a green light to be with someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happens. I've dealt with a low drive sex for a number of years. Turns out he was even cheating at one point! I don't really desire sex with him and I've given up on being able to have my needs met by him. He's a selfish lover and I'm not interested in trying to coax him into sleeping with me. You have to accept your relationship for what it is and enjoy life with your husband.

He was cheating? I wouldn't want to have sex with him after that. Once a guy cheats on you, it's a green light to be with someone else.

No. I don't want to cheat because he did. Plus I know the sex I'm looking for. I want a true connection and someone who gets how fabulous sex can be. Not an affair that will end up hurting me emotionally one way or another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happens. I've dealt with a low drive sex for a number of years. Turns out he was even cheating at one point! I don't really desire sex with him and I've given up on being able to have my needs met by him. He's a selfish lover and I'm not interested in trying to coax him into sleeping with me. You have to accept your relationship for what it is and enjoy life with your husband.

He was cheating? I wouldn't want to have sex with him after that. Once a guy cheats on you, it's a green light to be with someone else.

No. I don't want to cheat because he did. Plus I know the sex I'm looking for. I want a true connection and someone who gets how fabulous sex can be. Not an affair that will end up hurting me emotionally one way or another.

So, go look for that person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happens. I've dealt with a low drive sex for a number of years. Turns out he was even cheating at one point! I don't really desire sex with him and I've given up on being able to have my needs met by him. He's a selfish lover and I'm not interested in trying to coax him into sleeping with me. You have to accept your relationship for what it is and enjoy life with your husband.

He was cheating? I wouldn't want to have sex with him after that. Once a guy cheats on you, it's a green light to be with someone else.

No. I don't want to cheat because he did. Plus I know the sex I'm looking for. I want a true connection and someone who gets how fabulous sex can be. Not an affair that will end up hurting me emotionally one way or another.

So, go look for that person.

No. I don't want to end up divorced.

[Anonymous]

"It didn't work?" What do you mean? He doesn't have to be fully erect for either of you to have an orgasm.
I think you need to explore more adventurous sex that depends more on emotional connection than perfectly-working genitals. As people get older, their bodies tend to change, and you've got to roll with it. You've got to start talking openly with him about this and its effect on you, but you've got to see sex as more than just PIV sex. He's got fingers? A tongue? Seriously, the events you have described are not the end of an erotic life. You need to tell him you need to feel wanted by him and it bothers you that he does not care about your lack of date nights. You have to tell him this and be careful how you word it so what comes across is not some kind of accusation, but a sincere wish to get closer to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"It didn't work?" What do you mean? He doesn't have to be fully erect for either of you to have an orgasm.
I think you need to explore more adventurous sex that depends more on emotional connection than perfectly-working genitals. As people get older, their bodies tend to change, and you've got to roll with it. You've got to start talking openly with him about this and its effect on you, but you've got to see sex as more than just PIV sex. He's got fingers? A tongue? Seriously, the events you have described are not the end of an erotic life. You need to tell him you need to feel wanted by him and it bothers you that he does not care about your lack of date nights. You have to tell him this and be careful how you word it so what comes across is not some kind of accusation, but a sincere wish to get closer to him.

i am the second ED poster. our DHs shut down and shy away from sex because they perceive inadequacies. no matter how much we as their DWs try to build them up, they often times can't get over themselves.

so i ask you this: why is this the DW's responsibility? why can't our DH's take responsibility for this and address this? this is just another example of men not talking about their feelings (see other thread). again, we as DWs have to manage our DH's own feelings of shortcoming because they can't handle it themselves. and we are left in a largely sexless relationship.

[Anonymous]

I prayed for this day and my prayers were answered !!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"It didn't work?" What do you mean? He doesn't have to be fully erect for either of you to have an orgasm.
I think you need to explore more adventurous sex that depends more on emotional connection than perfectly-working genitals. As people get older, their bodies tend to change, and you've got to roll with it. You've got to start talking openly with him about this and its effect on you, but you've got to see sex as more than just PIV sex. He's got fingers? A tongue? Seriously, the events you have described are not the end of an erotic life. You need to tell him you need to feel wanted by him and it bothers you that he does not care about your lack of date nights. You have to tell him this and be careful how you word it so what comes across is not some kind of accusation, but a sincere wish to get closer to him.

I'm not the OP but for me there's no substitute for a hard, well-endowed guy who actually cares about your pleasure enough to make sure you're having fun too. The other things are just window dressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"It didn't work?" What do you mean? He doesn't have to be fully erect for either of you to have an orgasm.
I think you need to explore more adventurous sex that depends more on emotional connection than perfectly-working genitals. As people get older, their bodies tend to change, and you've got to roll with it. You've got to start talking openly with him about this and its effect on you, but you've got to see sex as more than just PIV sex. He's got fingers? A tongue? Seriously, the events you have described are not the end of an erotic life. You need to tell him you need to feel wanted by him and it bothers you that he does not care about your lack of date nights. You have to tell him this and be careful how you word it so what comes across is not some kind of accusation, but a sincere wish to get closer to him.

DH here. Agree with above. I had ED after prostate surgery. Equipment works with Viagra, but effectiveness goes down with a fatty meal within 3 hours or moderate alcohol use (like with many medications). My wife is terrific and we have an effective and loving sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I prayed for this day and my prayers were answered !!

Bahahaha! This is what I hear from a lot of women, many pray for ED!