We're getting used to not having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry if I offended you, PP who will never return to this thread. I'm certainly not "letting your DH completely off the hook." I think your situation does indeed sound sad.

My point is merely this: your initial position to the OP is that an ED problem is primarily the DH's responsibility to take care of. I'm just saying that, in my view, you've got to take responsibility for yourself and your own life.

DH here, and if a man has an ED problem it is his responsibility to take care of. It's his responsibility to get to a doctor, to get tests done, to get medication or get in shape or do what is reasonably necessary to get an erection so he can contribute to a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Of course, in the interim, both husband and wife need to find other ways - hands, mouth, toys - to be erotic.

This idea that one spouse gets to decide that they can't/won't have sex is b.s. If you won't make efforts to fix it, give your spouse a hall pass.

[Anonymous]

"It didn't work?" What do you mean? He doesn't have to be fully erect for either of you to have an orgasm.
I think you need to explore more adventurous sex that depends more on emotional connection than perfectly-working genitals. As people get older, their bodies tend to change, and you've got to roll with it. You've got to start talking openly with him about this and its effect on you, but you've got to see sex as more than just PIV sex. He's got fingers? A tongue? Seriously, the events you have described are not the end of an erotic life. You need to tell him you need to feel wanted by him and it bothers you that he does not care about your lack of date nights. You have to tell him this and be careful how you word it so what comes across is not some kind of accusation, but a sincere wish to get closer to him.


I'm not the OP but for me there's no substitute for a hard, well-endowed guy who actually cares about your pleasure enough to make sure you're having fun too. The other things are just window dressing.

I agree. My DH and I have been PIV-less for almost 4 years. He's willing (and great at) all the window dressing but there's nothing like good old PIV. I don't orgasm through it but I do find it immensely satisfying and miss what it brought to our relationship. This won't end my marriage or cause me to go looking for PIV elsewhere. My DH is a great guy and our relationship is solid but I mourn PIV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a health problem like others imo. No different than any other and if my spouse got sick that last thing I am thinking about is sex. So much more in a relationship, and it sounds like that man will have limited sex in the future if at all; especially with ageing.
Time to re-evaluate priorities imo.

So what happens when one of them gets cancer or something else that effects their sex life. Seriously, get over it....he seems to be doing what he can and you need to accept it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a health problem like others imo. No different than any other and if my spouse got sick that last thing I am thinking about is sex. So much more in a relationship, and it sounds like that man will have limited sex in the future if at all; especially with ageing.
Time to re-evaluate priorities imo.

So what happens when one of them gets cancer or something else that effects their sex life. Seriously, get over it....he seems to be doing what he can and you need to accept it.

What happens is the couple negotiates some mutually satisfying arrangement to deal with whatever change the cancer brings.

"Get over it" what does that even mean? A normal person does not "get over" an important marital need like sex drive.
He is NOT doing what he can. You do NOT need to accept it. Insist that he participate in the solution.
He cannot expect you to meet his marital needs while avoiding yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a health problem like others imo. No different than any other and if my spouse got sick that last thing I am thinking about is sex. So much more in a relationship, and it sounds like that man will have limited sex in the future if at all; especially with ageing.
Time to re-evaluate priorities imo.

So what happens when one of them gets cancer or something else that effects their sex life. Seriously, get over it....he seems to be doing what he can and you need to accept it.

What happens is the couple negotiates some mutually satisfying arrangement to deal with whatever change the cancer brings.

"Get over it" what does that even mean? A normal person does not "get over" an important marital need like sex drive.
He is NOT doing what he can. You do NOT need to accept it. Insist that he participate in the solution.
He cannot expect you to meet his marital needs while avoiding yours.

"mutually satisfying arrangement". Oh please, grow up. There are all kinds of needs in life, not all be met or at least at a given time. That's what mature people who are in good marriages get. I feel sorry for the DH in this case.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for your spouse, PP