DH friendships with women - what's your comfort level

[Anonymous]

Imagine your DH has struck up friendships with the staff at a neighborhood bookstore that he frequents. A lot of the staff happen to be young women. What's your comfort level, roughly?

1. he goes to the store frequently and they chat
2. he has exchanged phone numbers and they text
3. he meets up with them socially (without you present)
4. he invites them over to your home

Or some other "level" I am not articulating here.

Where are you cool with it? Where are you irked?

[Anonymous]

1 seems on the friendly end of normal.

The other things, if totally absent from the wife, are odd and pushing it. To me.

[Anonymous]

Local store?

Only #1 is appropriate.

Tue rest sounds like he is trying to pick them up.

[Anonymous]

1.

Why exchange numbers?

[Anonymous]

I forgot to add: if he's a writer and these women are also writers, that's different and warrants, say, coffee.

Or if he's an architect and this is a furniture store. Or if he's a chef and this is an artisinal cheese shop. Common interests would make more sense. But I'd still expect the progression to be chit chat - coffee - family intro/couples dinner. That's how it works in my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Are they texting ONLY about professional things? Should be fine. Were you invited to go socially out with them (but declined?). Are their significant other's invited to your house at the same time (and you are there?). All potentially ok. All also potentially not ok.

[Anonymous]

My husband has no female friends so I can't answer.

[Anonymous]

#1, and it's not a friendship.

[Anonymous]

OP here. There is no professional connection for DH.

DH told me once before that he bumped in to a couple of the staff when they were getting off work and they grabbed a beer together. that was a couple weeks ago.

He has phone numbers for a couple of them as they have offered to babysit DC. but I dont know what else they text about if not to set up babysitting.

On sat night he went out to watch a boxing match on TV (you have to watch at a bar that has the specific channel) and when he got home I asked who else joined him and he said "Jen." I said "who's Jen?" "Jen from the bookstore. I know you find it weird that they are my friends, but they are."

[Anonymous]

I would be fine with all four. Number 3 I would be fine with as long as he was up front about what he was doing. Well, I don't know. I guess that would seem weird- I don't care if he has lunch with female colleagues but I guess it would be a bit odd to befriend a female store clerk and then go out alone with her without me. Hmmm. The other 3 seem legit and okay though. Three would require some finesse.

[Anonymous]

You husband's free flowing, rambling sport bar social routine sounds like someone I knew a few years ago. A friend of mine literally caught him banging some woman outside on the side of his house one night. So, that's not a good connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. There is no professional connection for DH.

DH told me once before that he bumped in to a couple of the staff when they were getting off work and they grabbed a beer together. that was a couple weeks ago.

He has phone numbers for a couple of them as they have offered to babysit DC. but I dont know what else they text about if not to set up babysitting.

On sat night he went out to watch a boxing match on TV (you have to watch at a bar that has the specific channel) and when he got home I asked who else joined him and he said "Jen." I said "who's Jen?" "Jen from the bookstore. I know you find it weird that they are my friends, but they are."

If you have a young child, how did he have random free time to go grab a beer with someone?

Are you guys very young, like twenty-something?

[Anonymous]

Only #1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has no female friends so I can't answer.

Neither does mine. He has women that he is friendly towards like co workers and my friends. But neither of us have friendships like that with members of the opposite sex, nor would we.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine your DH has struck up friendships with the staff at a neighborhood bookstore that he frequents. A lot of the staff happen to be young women. What's your comfort level, roughly?

1. he goes to the store frequently and they chat
2. he has exchanged phone numbers and they text
3. he meets up with them socially (without you present)
4. he invites them over to your home

Or some other "level" I am not articulating here.

Where are you cool with it? Where are you irked?

I'm fine with it as long as he's open about it, and as long as they are really friends, not just "friends." Among other things, that means that I meet them. If he doesn't want to introduce us, or they don't want to meet me, I'm not okay with that. My husband has female friends, but I've met them all, we hang out socially together, etc. Any woman that he was meeting up with without telling me in advance would be a problem.