How to deal with a creepy colleague
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Anonymous
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New male colleague stares at me all the time during meetings. When I am talking to others, he watches me closely. When others are talking, I see him glancing at me. If I look up and catch his eye, he look away but starts staring again in a few minutes. He also stops by my office at least twice a day with inane questions. I have tried various strategies including 'I am working, can I get back to you?', 'Larlo works on this issue, he can help you', just answering his question and staring at my screen and not engaging with him beyond the question he asked but it is getting quite tiresome. He will often come back the next day with a slight variation on that question.
How do I handle this? He is also from a different culture but has lived in the US for at least 7-8 years and has spent time at a university. I thought the issue would be resolved with time but it is 2 months since he started and I am getting very uncomfortable with the situation. Help! |
Anonymous
| You must be looking at him a lot to see him looking at you... |
Anonymous
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Very firmly "I'd like you to go to John Smith in the future with your questions. I'm not available to answer your questions."
For the staring. DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. |
Anonymous
| Do you think anyone else has noticed? |
Anonymous
| Do you have a distracting mole? |
Anonymous
I will be looking at my boss and talking to him and I can 'feel' him looking and sure enough when I turn my face, he is staring at my mouth. I don't know how to explain this any better. I have worked in a male dominated work place for s decade now and have never encountered this type of situation before. Most of the men are nerdy intellectuals and very easy going and friendly although some are quite introverted. |
Anonymous
It is a small group and I am not sure how to ask others without making a big deal of it. Besides what would I do even if they said they noticed him staring? |
Anonymous
No, I am quite unremarkable. |
Anonymous
| Maybe he finds you attractive. |
Anonymous
This is like telling a woman who has been harassed on the street that she should feel flattered. |
Anonymous
? how so? |
Anonymous
+1 You will look silly if you complain just because you have caught him looking at you. |
Anonymous
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Ugh. I get it. It's not uncommon for men to develop workplace crushes and hang around and stare at women. He probably doesn't even realize what he's doing. It's awkward when they stop by several times a day with shit eating grins on their faces.
Make it clear you are not at work for his visual enjoyment. Perhaps ask him directly why he continues to stop by and stare? Do not. I repeat do not be friendly to him. He will read it wrong |
Anonymous
Guy here- just because he looks at you doesn't necessarily mean he has crush on you. |
Anonymous
| Pp here. I know what I look like in the mirror. I feel you OP. |