How to deal with a creepy colleague

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would confront him and tell him to stop staring.

Don't smile, don't say it in a friendly tone, be firm and let him know it's not okay.

I agree with this. My family is from the same part of the world. Being passive and indirect will only enable the behavior, unfortunately.

But I'll be honest, I don't know how to phrase a response.

OP here: I have to admit I am a bit worried. I would like him to just go away but there seems to be no way to handle this in a way that he gets the message. We are a very small group so don't want to burn bridges or make things awkward but I just cannot stand another day of dealing with this dude.

Just to be clear, OP, I didn't think he means you any harm. Do you think he does? I know the staring is annoying and inappropriate. Do you fear any harm beyond that?

OP here: I am not completely sure... There have been other flirty/borderline inappropriate folk I come across once in a while but I worried about them because I ran into them very ocassionally. In this case, I feel kind of trapped be use he is there every day all the time and there is no way I can get out of interactions with him in a group setting.

[Anonymous]

Just chiming in to say that you're not crazy. There are just some people who give off creepy vibes whether they mean to or not. I agree with the consistent cold shoulder and occasional snap. "You asked that yesterday and the answer hasn't changed" without looking up from your computer.

You may want to mention it to a supervisor, however, because they may see you being a "bitch" without knowing there is an underlying situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you work for a very small company? Is there an EAP program? Is there an HR department? I don't know what if anything you could say to HR, but EAP would be great if you have it.

This would be the kind of thing I could talk to my supervisor about, but I know this is probably not typical.

Can you be a bit more rude to him, but still generally professional? I like the suggestion about sitting on the same side of the table at meetings to prevent staring, as long as there are at least 1-2 people between you and him.

Large federal agency but a very small group. There is an HR department but he is a contractor not a Fed. Not sure of EAP but will
Look into it. I agree with your suggestion of being rude and my behavior is tending this way but being rude is so taxing!

If you are a Fed and he is a contractor any inappropriate behavior should get him out of there. Talk to HR and get him out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ Different PP here. I don't want to go all "Gift of Fear" on this thread, but I'll do it anyway since it seems appropriate to the situation. If you are creeped out or made fearful by someone else's behavior, listen to your gut.

OP here: my gut says he is not completely harmless. He is persistently annoying and I am increasingly rude. I don't know why he has not picked up on it yet. I almost feel he had and is continuing despite this. But on the other hand he hasn't done anything inappropriate or said anything inappropriate. I kind of understand what a micro-agrees ion means now!

[Anonymous]

Also, don't close your door. Don't sacrifice other work relationships to kill this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ Different PP here. I don't want to go all "Gift of Fear" on this thread, but I'll do it anyway since it seems appropriate to the situation. If you are creeped out or made fearful by someone else's behavior, listen to your gut.

+1. Was about to say trust your gut, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just chiming in to say that you're not crazy. There are just some people who give off creepy vibes whether they mean to or not. I agree with the consistent cold shoulder and occasional snap. "You asked that yesterday and the answer hasn't changed" without looking up from your computer.

You may want to mention it to a supervisor, however, because they may see you being a "bitch" without knowing there is an underlying situation.

You are so so on point. Interestingly enough he never interacts with me in a group. I am almost tempted to mention this to my supervisor not as a complaint but more as a he is making me feel awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, don't close your door. Don't sacrifice other work relationships to kill this one.

Eh, I might. I might also let sympathetic females know why I was doing that so they would still visit/knock. Or just keep your door shut and visit others more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, don't close your door. Don't sacrifice other work relationships to kill this one.

Yes, you are right. I am pissed because I am letting him call the shots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, don't close your door. Don't sacrifice other work relationships to kill this one.

Eh, I might. I might also let sympathetic females know why I was doing that so they would still visit/knock. Or just keep your door shut and visit others more.

No females in my group. Some older male colleagues but I don't want to polarize the group by dragging him into this mess.

[Anonymous]

I would be making a lot of noise if someone at work creeped me out. I would tell my supervisor, I would tell my colleagues, and I would ask the person not to come to me with questions. In our workplace we have had people physically moved from their locations because of less annoying behavior than this.

[Anonymous]

Knowing this culture, the guy doesn't mean you any harm but he is also completely clueless that he's being so obvious, and you need to match his level of un-subtlety to get through to him. Before escalating and complaining to others, the next time he stops by, tell him in a straightforward and neutral-bordering-on-cold tone that you've noticed how much he stares at you and his excessive visits and they are inappropriate and make you uncomfortable, but you wanted to let him know directly rather than complain and have a superior tell him. He should feel sufficiently embarrassed to stop.

[Anonymous]

How do people like him get a job?

[Anonymous]

Let me guess..is he FOB?

[Anonymous]

This is what HR is for. Get on record now.