How to deal with a creepy colleague

[Anonymous]

OP here: I realize I will sound like a fool if I talk about this to anybody else at work. At the same time, I don't want this guy to keep dropping by my office daily or looking at me all the time during meetings. I am going to sit in a different spot from now on ( other sane colleagues will of course comment on it). How do I get him to stop coming to my office so often. Keeping the door closed is not an option.

[Anonymous]

How to prevent him from stoping by your office:


Answer any work related questions but do not engage in any conversations other than work (do not ask him questions)
Do not discuss your personal life
Don't smile
If he wants to chit chat other than work -
Answer with a lot of the following responses "yeah"
"wow" "ok". Repeat.
check the time
tell him your busy

Ask him directly, "you stop by a lot. Can I help you?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How to prevent him from stoping by your office:


Answer any work related questions but do not engage in any conversations other than work (do not ask him questions)
Do not discuss your personal life
Don't smile
If he wants to chit chat other than work -
Answer with a lot of the following responses "yeah"
"wow" "ok". Repeat.
check the time
tell him your busy

Ask him directly, "you stop by a lot. Can I help you?"

Thanks for these suggestions. I do a lot of these already but I will try the direct approach.

[Anonymous]

Is he of a different culture OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he of a different culture OP?

Yes, he is but has lived in the US for several years now. Married with two kids although his wife lives in another part of the country and hasn't moved here because they want to wait till they finish the school year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he of a different culture OP?

Yes, he is but has lived in the US for several years now. Married with two kids although his wife lives in another part of the country and hasn't moved here because they want to wait till they finish the school year.

Is it PC to try to guess? I say Indian!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he of a different culture OP?

Yes, he is but has lived in the US for several years now. Married with two kids although his wife lives in another part of the country and hasn't moved here because they want to wait till they finish the school year.

Is it PC to try to guess? I say Indian!

Very close! not Indian but another country close to it. Why did you guess Indian?

[Anonymous]

Pakistani.

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Sit on the same side of the table as he does to make it harder to stare. Keep office door closed. Use the shut down tactics others have suggested.

[Anonymous]

I would confront him and tell him to stop staring.

Don't smile, don't say it in a friendly tone, be firm and let him know it's not okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would confront him and tell him to stop staring.

Don't smile, don't say it in a friendly tone, be firm and let him know it's not okay.

I agree with this. My family is from the same part of the world. Being passive and indirect will only enable the behavior, unfortunately.

But I'll be honest, I don't know how to phrase a response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would confront him and tell him to stop staring.

Don't smile, don't say it in a friendly tone, be firm and let him know it's not okay.

I agree with this. My family is from the same part of the world. Being passive and indirect will only enable the behavior, unfortunately.

But I'll be honest, I don't know how to phrase a response.

OP here: I have to admit I am a bit worried. I would like him to just go away but there seems to be no way to handle this in a way that he gets the message. We are a very small group so don't want to burn bridges or make things awkward but I just cannot stand another day of dealing with this dude.

[Anonymous]

Do you work for a very small company? Is there an EAP program? Is there an HR department? I don't know what if anything you could say to HR, but EAP would be great if you have it.

This would be the kind of thing I could talk to my supervisor about, but I know this is probably not typical.

Can you be a bit more rude to him, but still generally professional? I like the suggestion about sitting on the same side of the table at meetings to prevent staring, as long as there are at least 1-2 people between you and him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would confront him and tell him to stop staring.

Don't smile, don't say it in a friendly tone, be firm and let him know it's not okay.

I agree with this. My family is from the same part of the world. Being passive and indirect will only enable the behavior, unfortunately.

But I'll be honest, I don't know how to phrase a response.

OP here: I have to admit I am a bit worried. I would like him to just go away but there seems to be no way to handle this in a way that he gets the message. We are a very small group so don't want to burn bridges or make things awkward but I just cannot stand another day of dealing with this dude.

Just to be clear, OP, I didn't think he means you any harm. Do you think he does? I know the staring is annoying and inappropriate. Do you fear any harm beyond that?

[Anonymous]

^^ Different PP here. I don't want to go all "Gift of Fear" on this thread, but I'll do it anyway since it seems appropriate to the situation. If you are creeped out or made fearful by someone else's behavior, listen to your gut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you work for a very small company? Is there an EAP program? Is there an HR department? I don't know what if anything you could say to HR, but EAP would be great if you have it.

This would be the kind of thing I could talk to my supervisor about, but I know this is probably not typical.

Can you be a bit more rude to him, but still generally professional? I like the suggestion about sitting on the same side of the table at meetings to prevent staring, as long as there are at least 1-2 people between you and him.

Large federal agency but a very small group. There is an HR department but he is a contractor not a Fed. Not sure of EAP but will
Look into it. I agree with your suggestion of being rude and my behavior is tending this way but being rude is so taxing!