Ex-military at my agency calling every woman "Ma'am"

[Anonymous]

There is a new hire at my agency and he's referring to every female colleague and female executive as "Ma'am" in lieu of her first name. We are very much a first name agency and people titter when he did this the first couple of times but it has become stale (he does it on email too) and it's bothering me on a lot of levels. It creates an artificial distance with female employees and to me it's an artificial politeness that doesn't reflect modern working relationships in DC. I also think he's shooting himself in the foot with agency clients.

How can I point this out to him? We are part of a top level small working group that services the rest of the agency.

[Anonymous]

By the way, he's a very nice guy, he's good at what he does, and he's an asset to our team. I want to keep him around, I just think he needs to know this is not appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Does he call the men sir?

Actually the first question should be -does he report to you?

If not, stand down.

If yes, see first question I posted.

If he does...come on. He is polite. If he doesn't, you point out to him that he is treating people differently and that isn't ok.

[Anonymous]

No, he does not address the men as sir. That's part of the problem. He literally addresses every single woman in the agency as "Ma'am" -- the secretaries; his female supervisors, me...but he does not "Sir" all the men.

I find this distancing and sexist.

[Anonymous]

And no, he does not report to me, he's my colleague. But I don't think someone needs to report to me to make my workplace uncomfortable and for me to want to make them understand my agency culture and the fact that he is putting his foot in the bucket.

[Anonymous]

I agree--I find this out of context use to actually be sexist and passive aggressive. Cringe inducing, actually.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a male peer who can bring it up?

[Anonymous]

He also may have been raised to call all women ma'am. My SO was.

[Anonymous]

I hate ma'am. Hate it. I especially hate it when people insist on it even though you've asked to be called your name. That's the first step, when he says it, tell him Larla is fine. And repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And no, he does not report to me, he's my colleague. But I don't think someone needs to report to me to make my workplace uncomfortable and for me to want to make them understand my agency culture and the fact that he is putting his foot in the bucket.

Correct. But his not reporting to you makes it neither your circus not your monkey.

[Anonymous]

Would you rather he say woman, bitch, hey you . Maybe he can't remember names.

[Anonymous]

This will be a first: A complaint about a hostile work environment over what can only be described and considered a genuine expression of respect. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you rather he say woman, bitch, hey you . Maybe he can't remember names.

Sounds like he remembers the men's names.

[Anonymous]

Call him chief in return. That's an age old tactic used by (men, concededly) to subtly mock others.

[Anonymous]

He is not doing this to insult you or the other women on the team.
It is how he was raised and how he learned to address women in the service.
For him, it is a way to show respect.

Next time he calls you ma’am, why don’t you just say, very nicely, “You can call me Larla.”