Ex-military at my agency calling every woman "Ma'am"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call him chief in return. That's an age old tactic used by (men, concededly) to subtly mock others.

Why do this when he is not trying to be mean?
Man, the people on here just look for confrontations.

[Anonymous]

He's being respectful. Ask him to call you by your first name. Be an adult and realize you should be happy that someone at work is so respectful and kind.

[Anonymous]

Is he single? I know lots if single women who'd love to date a respectful, polite gentleman like he appears to be.

[Anonymous]

This is a military thing, and I'm pretty sure he means it as a sign of respect. I would let it go.

[Anonymous]

Instead of making it such a huge deal (talking about reporting him), why don't you be an adult and let him know that you (personally) find it offensive. Explain it like you did to us in your first post. Let him know that it creates inequalities, especially when he doesn't call all men sir.

You don't have to speak for all the women in your office (because you don't). Just tell him how it affects you. That gives him a chance to reflect and consider changing. From there, it is all up to his superiors to deal with it as they see fit.

And, last, try to lighten up a little. You know he is not intending to be disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman (NP). I would find that remembering all the mens' names and using them, but addressing all the women only as men, made me feel like the men are the real team here, and the women are kind of outside that. I can't know how it's intended, but that's the effect it would have on me.

[Anonymous]

Shouldn't people be addressed the way that they want to be addressed? If you are not offended by Ma'am great! But, this bothers the OP and she should get a say in how she is addressed. OP, have you brought this up to him? I would just say ( as others have) when he says Ma'am say I know you mean this as a sign of respect but, I would prefer if you call me by my name--Susan...thanks!


If he ignores than you can bring it up to your supervisor.

[Anonymous]

Ma'am, not men.

[Anonymous]

First of all, I have no intention of "filing a complaint" or raising issues of hostile work environment.

I would like to let him know he's out of step.

When the head of the agency says things like "This is Larlo Larloson. Don't ask him to stop calling you ma'am because I've tried three times and he won't" you have a career problem on your hands. It doesn't matter that he was raised that way. It doesn't matter that it's a gesture of respect. What he's doing is not in step with our agency culture. Get it?

[Anonymous]

And yes, we've all said "Call me Larla" multiple times. I'm not an idiot. C'mon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, I have no intention of "filing a complaint" or raising issues of hostile work environment.

I would like to let him know he's out of step.

When the head of the agency says things like "This is Larlo Larloson. Don't ask him to stop calling you ma'am because I've tried three times and he won't" you have a career problem on your hands. It doesn't matter that he was raised that way. It doesn't matter that it's a gesture of respect. What he's doing is not in step with our agency culture. Get it?

Lighten up Francis.

[Anonymous]

I think it reflects his discomfort with the females.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, I have no intention of "filing a complaint" or raising issues of hostile work environment.

I would like to let him know he's out of step.

When the head of the agency says things like "This is Larlo Larloson. Don't ask him to stop calling you ma'am because I've tried three times and he won't" you have a career problem on your hands. It doesn't matter that he was raised that way. It doesn't matter that it's a gesture of respect. What he's doing is not in step with our agency culture. Get it?

Lighten up Francis.

Uh no. She is not the one hi needs to lighten up.

[Anonymous]

But he doesn't "sir" the men. Everyone got that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, I have no intention of "filing a complaint" or raising issues of hostile work environment.

I would like to let him know he's out of step.

When the head of the agency says things like "This is Larlo Larloson. Don't ask him to stop calling you ma'am because I've tried three times and he won't" you have a career problem on your hands. It doesn't matter that he was raised that way. It doesn't matter that it's a gesture of respect. What he's doing is not in step with our agency culture. Get it?

This is actually a thing that can hold veterans back when they transition to the civilian workforce. It can distance them from their non-veteran co-workers and makes them seem like they aren't adjusting to civilian life. I used to work in federal contracting and we, of course, had quite a few ex-military and this is something that got brought up a lot actually. Yes, in some work environments, "ma'am" is a sign of respect and politeness but it doesn't sound like it works in your work culture so he isn't doing himself any favors using it.

OP, try mentioning it to him, one on one, that you've noticed he calls you ma'am but you would really prefer to be called by your name and ask that he use it. If he still refuses then he's pretty rude. Using a term of "respect" that makes the recipient feel uncomfortable isn't respectful at all.