Do you feed in-laws when they visit?

[Anonymous]

All my in-laws live within a 20 minutes radius so they drop by often and most of the time it's usually around 1 PM or after 5 PM. I am just wondering what is common... I feel like they always expect to be fed at my house. Sometimes when they drop by I will offer them snacks and drink but mostly they say they "haven't eaten anything all day so good would be great." DH and I don't do lunches and if we do it's usually salad. My in-laws hate salad and they don't consider any food without meat food. Sometimes I have all 3 of them with their wives and kids visit at the same time so those are a lot of mouths to feed.

My DH and I have spoken time and again that it's not fair that they don't bring or offer to chip in to buying takeout/delivery so we shouldn't be going out of our way. We feel guilty so we end up ordering food.

How do you guys handles in-laws visits? Do you always provide or order food? What kind?

[Anonymous]

Well hopefully they aren't coming by unannounced. Next time a visit is being discussed, say, "Noon is fine. Sounds like we will need to plan lunch. I'll do a pot of chili, and it would be great if you can do cornbread and fruit salad." Simply don't confirm a visit without discussing and delegating meals.

[Anonymous]

Don't order food. If you keep ordering out food, they will want it and expect it. Or, if you're ordering food, say "I think we've gotten it the last few times; whose turn is it to get it [ie pay for it] this time?" Otherwise, keep some cheap cold cuts and bread, and some fruit, put it out on the counter and tell them to help themselves to making sandwiches.

Do they drop by without warning? If they call first, just tell them that you don't have any real food so if they're hungry can they pick something up on their way over?

[Anonymous]

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with cut up apples. Every time they come for lunch unannounced. Every time. Tomato soup and grilled cheese every time they come for dinner unannounced. Every time.

[Anonymous]

If they come by unannounced, say, we were just going to eat salad for lunch. Here's takeout menus if you want to order something else. If it's a planned visit, delegate like first PP suggested.

[Anonymous]

I came from a family where you feed people, even if it's a burden on you. I would keep baguettes in your freezer, olives and tapenade in your pantry, and bring them out if the in laws are there. Chips and salsa. Some baby carrots and hummus. No need to make a meal unless you invited them for a meal, but don't be a poor hostess unless you truly truly can't afford bread and olives.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I always offer something to any guest. My inlaws are also regular visitors, but they are not the type to impose on us. I do not offer anything outside of what we would normally have. Salad, hummus, pita, crackers, cheese, sandwich, etc would be fine for mine. If we don't have anything around, I'd ask if they want to order in or offer to pick up from some place close by.

I am hospitable always, but never in a way that I find burdensome. I don't want to resent my guests, so I try not to put myself out either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I came from a family where you feed people, even if it's a burden on you. I would keep baguettes in your freezer, olives and tapenade in your pantry, and bring them out if the in laws are there. Chips and salsa. Some baby carrots and hummus. No need to make a meal unless you invited them for a meal, but don't be a poor hostess unless you truly truly can't afford bread and olives.

+1

Offer something to any guest, particularly if it is around mealtime. Always. It is considered cheap not to - since you asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't order food. If you keep ordering out food, they will want it and expect it. Or, if you're ordering food, say "I think we've gotten it the last few times; whose turn is it to get it [ie pay for it] this time?" Otherwise, keep some cheap cold cuts and bread, and some fruit, put it out on the counter and tell them to help themselves to making sandwiches.

Do they drop by without warning? If they call first, just tell them that you don't have any real food so if they're hungry can they pick something up on their way over?

+1000 Sandwiches or snacks are fine.

They show up around lunchtime or dinnertime because they don't want snacks, they expect you to order food with meat. You are not responsible for feeding them whole meals for lunch or dinner unless they are invited, especially when they only live twenty minutes away.

[Anonymous]

They should bring something. Do they know sharing is good?

[Anonymous]

Of course. But they would never ever drop by unannounced - we always arrange a date together.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but I do enjoy making a game of it. I toss goldfish crackers at them. If they catch them in their mouths they obviously get to eat them and if they fall to the ground they belong to the dog. The best part of this game is when MIL is about to catch one and the dog jumps up, steals the goldfish, and MIL flies to the floor. I always offer an ice pack and bandage when this happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but I do enjoy making a game of it. I toss goldfish crackers at them. If they catch them in their mouths they obviously get to eat them and if they fall to the ground they belong to the dog. The best part of this game is when MIL is about to catch one and the dog jumps up, steals the goldfish, and MIL flies to the floor. I always offer an ice pack and bandage when this happens.

oh, what the shit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All my in-laws live within a 20 minutes radius so they drop by often and most of the time it's usually around 1 PM or after 5 PM. I am just wondering what is common... I feel like they always expect to be fed at my house. Sometimes when they drop by I will offer them snacks and drink but mostly they say they "haven't eaten anything all day so good would be great." DH and I don't do lunches and if we do it's usually salad. My in-laws hate salad and they don't consider any food without meat food. Sometimes I have all 3 of them with their wives and kids visit at the same time so those are a lot of mouths to feed.

My DH and I have spoken time and again that it's not fair that they don't bring or offer to chip in to buying takeout/delivery so we shouldn't be going out of our way. We feel guilty so we end up ordering food.

How do you guys handles in-laws visits? Do you always provide or order food? What kind?

Just put out a snack tray unless you have invited them for a meal.
Fruits, veggies, pretzels, cheese, dip, some cookies, that kind of thing. Get a nice sectional tray and have that stuff ready.
You've trained the wildlife now to expect takeout meals at your house now though - I don't know if you can go back.

[Anonymous]

"Wildlife"?? You are the one who sounds uncivilized and backwoods. Who are these people with such food hangups, caused by control issues. You sound like awful people.