What Say You?

[Anonymous]

A few months ago, MIL plans a 75th birthday party/dinner for FIL for this Saturday at a casual restaurant. DH has a brother who lives in Philadelphia who's coming with his family and others from the family were coming, including MIL's cousin and her family. Monday, MIL calls and tells DH that the party's off because HER cousin (who's local and we haven't seen since our wedding 20 years ago) can't come. DH suggested that the rest of us just get together since BIL is coming to town, but MIL didn't want to do that and didn't know what BIL's plans would be, so everything was off.

One of our sons plays sports and we contacted his coach a long time ago to tell him that he wouldn't be at his game this weekend because of the party. We thought it was important that we go to the party since the family rarely gets together and it's a big milestone for FIL.

Once the party was cancelled, we contacted the coach to tell him that our son would now be at the game, which was moved to a school considerably closer to the party and now starts at 5 pm. The game was originally at 4:45 and an hour away from the party.

Today, MIL decides that the party's back on. I think that my son should go to his game and play at least half; then we'll go to the party a bit late. The appetizers start at 5 and the game's about 15 minutes away from the party. DH says no, we just tell the coach that my son's now not going to be there.

What say you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few months ago, MIL plans a 75th birthday party/dinner for FIL for this Saturday at a casual restaurant. DH has a brother who lives in Philadelphia who's coming with his family and others from the family were coming, including MIL's cousin and her family. Monday, MIL calls and tells DH that the party's off because HER cousin (who's local and we haven't seen since our wedding 20 years ago) can't come. DH suggested that the rest of us just get together since BIL is coming to town, but MIL didn't want to do that and didn't know what BIL's plans would be, so everything was off.

One of our sons plays sports and we contacted his coach a long time ago to tell him that he wouldn't be at his game this weekend because of the party. We thought it was important that we go to the party since the family rarely gets together and it's a big milestone for FIL.

Once the party was cancelled, we contacted the coach to tell him that our son would now be at the game, which was moved to a school considerably closer to the party and now starts at 5 pm. The game was originally at 4:45 and an hour away from the party.

Today, MIL decides that the party's back on. I think that my son should go to his game and play at least half; then we'll go to the party a bit late. The appetizers start at 5 and the game's about 15 minutes away from the party. DH says no, we just tell the coach that my son's now not going to be there.

What say you?

Your son should skip the game and go to the dinner.

You added a lot of facts about your MIL that seem irrelevant. Bottom line, I gather, is that there is a family dinner to celebrate grandfather's 75th birthday. And people are coming in from out of town. Seems like an occasion worth missing a game for.

[Anonymous]

It's your husband's family. Go with the flow. It's a kid sport, not the NBA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few months ago, MIL plans a 75th birthday party/dinner for FIL for this Saturday at a casual restaurant. DH has a brother who lives in Philadelphia who's coming with his family and others from the family were coming, including MIL's cousin and her family. Monday, MIL calls and tells DH that the party's off because HER cousin (who's local and we haven't seen since our wedding 20 years ago) can't come. DH suggested that the rest of us just get together since BIL is coming to town, but MIL didn't want to do that and didn't know what BIL's plans would be, so everything was off.

One of our sons plays sports and we contacted his coach a long time ago to tell him that he wouldn't be at his game this weekend because of the party. We thought it was important that we go to the party since the family rarely gets together and it's a big milestone for FIL.

Once the party was cancelled, we contacted the coach to tell him that our son would now be at the game, which was moved to a school considerably closer to the party and now starts at 5 pm. The game was originally at 4:45 and an hour away from the party.

Today, MIL decides that the party's back on. I think that my son should go to his game and play at least half; then we'll go to the party a bit late. The appetizers start at 5 and the game's about 15 minutes away from the party. DH says no, we just tell the coach that my son's now not going to be there.

What say you?

Your son should skip the game and go to the dinner.

You added a lot of facts about your MIL that seem irrelevant. Bottom line, I gather, is that there is a family dinner to celebrate grandfather's 75th birthday. And people are coming in from out of town. Seems like an occasion worth missing a game for.

I should add, it matters (just a little) what age and what type of sports we are talking about. If we are talking about elementary school league games, no question he misses. If we are talking about high school varsity sports, I would have just a tiny bit of pause.

[Anonymous]

You follow your husband's wishes. But HE calls the coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few months ago, MIL plans a 75th birthday party/dinner for FIL for this Saturday at a casual restaurant. DH has a brother who lives in Philadelphia who's coming with his family and others from the family were coming, including MIL's cousin and her family. Monday, MIL calls and tells DH that the party's off because HER cousin (who's local and we haven't seen since our wedding 20 years ago) can't come. DH suggested that the rest of us just get together since BIL is coming to town, but MIL didn't want to do that and didn't know what BIL's plans would be, so everything was off.

One of our sons plays sports and we contacted his coach a long time ago to tell him that he wouldn't be at his game this weekend because of the party. We thought it was important that we go to the party since the family rarely gets together and it's a big milestone for FIL.[b]

Once the party was cancelled, we contacted the coach to tell him that our son would now be at the game, which was moved to a school considerably closer to the party and now starts at 5 pm. The game was originally at 4:45 and an hour away from the party.

Today, MIL decides that the party's back on. I think that my son should go to his game and play at least half; then we'll go to the party a bit late. The appetizers start at 5 and the game's about 15 minutes away from the party. DH says no, we just tell the coach that my son's now not going to be there.

What say you?

The salient point is bolded. I'm not sure why the intervening temporary cancellation affects that assessment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few months ago, MIL plans a 75th birthday party/dinner for FIL for this Saturday at a casual restaurant. DH has a brother who lives in Philadelphia who's coming with his family and others from the family were coming, including MIL's cousin and her family. Monday, MIL calls and tells DH that the party's off because HER cousin (who's local and we haven't seen since our wedding 20 years ago) can't come. DH suggested that the rest of us just get together since BIL is coming to town, but MIL didn't want to do that and didn't know what BIL's plans would be, so everything was off.

One of our sons plays sports and we contacted his coach a long time ago to tell him that he wouldn't be at his game this weekend because of the party. We thought it was important that we go to the party since the family rarely gets together and it's a big milestone for FIL.

Once the party was cancelled, we contacted the coach to tell him that our son would now be at the game, which was moved to a school considerably closer to the party and now starts at 5 pm. The game was originally at 4:45 and an hour away from the party.

Today, MIL decides that the party's back on. I think that my son should go to his game and play at least half; then we'll go to the party a bit late. The appetizers start at 5 and the game's about 15 minutes away from the party. DH says no, we just tell the coach that my son's now not going to be there.

What say you?

Your son should skip the game and go to the dinner.

You added a lot of facts about your MIL that seem irrelevant. Bottom line, I gather, is that there is a family dinner to celebrate grandfather's 75th birthday. And people are coming in from out of town. Seems like an occasion worth missing a game for.

I should add, it matters (just a little) what age and what type of sports we are talking about. If we are talking about elementary school league games, no question he misses. If we are talking about high school varsity sports, I would have just a tiny bit of pause.

It's middle school travel sports with a small team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few months ago, MIL plans a 75th birthday party/dinner for FIL for this Saturday at a casual restaurant. DH has a brother who lives in Philadelphia who's coming with his family and others from the family were coming, including MIL's cousin and her family. Monday, MIL calls and tells DH that the party's off because HER cousin (who's local and we haven't seen since our wedding 20 years ago) can't come. DH suggested that the rest of us just get together since BIL is coming to town, but MIL didn't want to do that and didn't know what BIL's plans would be, so everything was off.

One of our sons plays sports and we contacted his coach a long time ago to tell him that he wouldn't be at his game this weekend because of the party. We thought it was important that we go to the party since the family rarely gets together and it's a big milestone for FIL.[b]

Once the party was cancelled, we contacted the coach to tell him that our son would now be at the game, which was moved to a school considerably closer to the party and now starts at 5 pm. The game was originally at 4:45 and an hour away from the party.

Today, MIL decides that the party's back on. I think that my son should go to his game and play at least half; then we'll go to the party a bit late. The appetizers start at 5 and the game's about 15 minutes away from the party. DH says no, we just tell the coach that my son's now not going to be there.

What say you?

The salient point is bolded. I'm not sure why the intervening temporary cancellation affects that assessment?

My view is that MIL cancelled pretty easily and it was not at all important to her to make alternate plans for any of us to get together, which makes us believe it really isn't all that important to her or FIL. We took our cue from her and made alternate plans that now involve other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's your husband's family. Go with the flow. It's a kid sport, not the NBA.

I agree with you completely up to the point that the party was cancelled and we then made the commitment for our son to now attend the game. It's the back and forth that I have the problem with. There was no question that our son would miss the game before the cancellation was made. Given that the team is small and we're less than a week out from the game, it does have an impact on the team and the coach. Since we can go to both the game and the party, I just believe we should honor the commitment we made after the party was cancelled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's your husband's family. Go with the flow. It's a kid sport, not the NBA.

I agree with you completely up to the point that the party was cancelled and we then made the commitment for our son to now attend the game. It's the back and forth that I have the problem with. There was no question that our son would miss the game before the cancellation was made. Given that the team is small and we're less than a week out from the game, it does have an impact on the team and the coach. Since we can go to both the game and the party, I just believe we should honor the commitment we made after the party was cancelled.

You asked what DCUM thought and, so far, everyone disagrees with you. You seem dead set on doing what you want to do so why bother asking us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's your husband's family. Go with the flow. It's a kid sport, not the NBA.

I agree with you completely up to the point that the party was cancelled and we then made the commitment for our son to now attend the game. It's the back and forth that I have the problem with. There was no question that our son would miss the game before the cancellation was made. Given that the team is small and we're less than a week out from the game, it does have an impact on the team and the coach. Since we can go to both the game and the party, I just believe we should honor the commitment we made after the party was cancelled.

Lady, I didn't walk into your living room and state my opinion on this. You asked for my opinion. Asked and answered. Stop arguing with people who clearly don't agree with you. Go, don't go...we actually don't care. But why ask what we think if you're just going to yip back at us?

[Anonymous]

You go to the party, not the game.

Obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's your husband's family. Go with the flow. It's a kid sport, not the NBA.

I agree with you completely up to the point that the party was cancelled and we then made the commitment for our son to now attend the game. It's the back and forth that I have the problem with. There was no question that our son would miss the game before the cancellation was made. Given that the team is small and we're less than a week out from the game, it does have an impact on the team and the coach. Since we can go to both the game and the party, I just believe we should honor the commitment we made after the party was cancelled.

Lady, I didn't walk into your living room and state my opinion on this. You asked for my opinion. Asked and answered. Stop arguing with people who clearly don't agree with you. Go, don't go...we actually don't care. But why ask what we think if you're just going to yip back at us?

Wow, I was just giving context not arguing. I'm not sure why you're getting so nasty and if you didn't care, why reply twice? Plus, you're assuming I'm a woman, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's your husband's family. Go with the flow. It's a kid sport, not the NBA.

I agree with you completely up to the point that the party was cancelled and we then made the commitment for our son to now attend the game. It's the back and forth that I have the problem with. There was no question that our son would miss the game before the cancellation was made. Given that the team is small and we're less than a week out from the game, it does have an impact on the team and the coach. Since we can go to both the game and the party, I just believe we should honor the commitment we made after the party was cancelled.

Lady, I didn't walk into your living room and state my opinion on this. You asked for my opinion. Asked and answered. Stop arguing with people who clearly don't agree with you. Go, don't go...we actually don't care. But why ask what we think if you're just going to yip back at us?

Wow, I was just giving context not arguing. I'm not sure why you're getting so nasty and if you didn't care, why reply twice? Plus, you're assuming I'm a woman, lol.

NP. OP, you are being an "askhole": someone who asks for advice then argues when advice is given.

[Anonymous]

Think of it this way: Are more people going to be upset if you skip the game, or if you are late to the party? My guess is it goes like this:

If you go to the game, MIL, FIL, DH, BIL and other family are upset, to varying degrees ranging from a lot to a little. It will cause tension for a time to come.

If you don't go to the game, coach is mildly inconvenienced, but not really.

No brainier.