What Say You?

[Anonymous]

I suggest that you are justifiably annoyed at MIL. BUT it is causing you to think irrationally about this decision.

[Anonymous]

Send DH (and any other kids) to game-you and son go late to party. I agree with you-you honored DH family but then they canceled and now you ought to honor the commitment owed to team. I would ask coach if it would truly be an issue and if not then sure - go to party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send DH (and any other kids) to game-you and son go late to party. I agree with you-you honored DH family but then they canceled and now you ought to honor the commitment owed to team. I would ask coach if it would truly be an issue and if not then sure - go to party.

I think the cancellation issue is making things unnecessarily confused. How about thinking of it this way: Pretend MIL called DH today for the absolute first time and said, "I know it is last minute, but I am pulling together a celebration for Grandpa's 75th. BIL has agreed to come in from out of town and some other family is also coming. Can you and your family make it?"

Would you hesitate? Or would you simply call the coach and say he is going to have to miss this game for a family event?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send DH (and any other kids) to game-you and son go late to party. I agree with you-you honored DH family but then they canceled and now you ought to honor the commitment owed to team. I would ask coach if it would truly be an issue and if not then sure - go to party.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send DH (and any other kids) to game-you and son go late to party. I agree with you-you honored DH family but then they canceled and now you ought to honor the commitment owed to team. I would ask coach if it would truly be an issue and if not then sure - go to party.

I think the cancellation issue is making things unnecessarily confused. How about thinking of it this way: Pretend MIL called DH today for the absolute first time and said, "I know it is last minute, but I am pulling together a celebration for Grandpa's 75th. BIL has agreed to come in from out of town and some other family is also coming. Can you and your family make it?"

Would you hesitate? Or would you simply call the coach and say he is going to have to miss this game for a family event?

The cancellation is absolutely relevant. You cannot just say ' pretend this part did not happen' -- da hell ?!
Because of the back and forth OP has had to back out of her kid's committment 2 times at this point.
I would go to the game with the son and meet up with everyone else at the party -- later!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send DH (and any other kids) to game-you and son go late to party. I agree with you-you honored DH family but then they canceled and now you ought to honor the commitment owed to team. I would ask coach if it would truly be an issue and if not then sure - go to party.

This!

I admit that I don't know much about middle school sports. But is there really a chance in hell that any coach tells a parent that it would be "an issue" for a player to miss a game to attend a grandparent's 75th birthday celebration?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send DH (and any other kids) to game-you and son go late to party. I agree with you-you honored DH family but then they canceled and now you ought to honor the commitment owed to team. I would ask coach if it would truly be an issue and if not then sure - go to party.

I think the cancellation issue is making things unnecessarily confused. How about thinking of it this way: Pretend MIL called DH today for the absolute first time and said, "I know it is last minute, but I am pulling together a celebration for Grandpa's 75th. BIL has agreed to come in from out of town and some other family is also coming. Can you and your family make it?"

Would you hesitate? Or would you simply call the coach and say he is going to have to miss this game for a family event?

The cancellation is absolutely relevant. You cannot just say ' pretend this part did not happen' -- da hell ?!
Because of the back and forth OP has had to back out of her kid's committment 2 times at this point.
I would go to the game with the son and meet up with everyone else at the party -- later!!

One time. She notified the coach one time that her son would miss the game.
I guess people just place different value on extended family and family events. Go with your values I guess, OP. Just be careful that it is really about honoring commitments and not feeling spiteful toward MIL.

[Anonymous]

My son would go to the game. I wouldn't put up with that BS from my MIL. If she made a peep, she would get a point by point description of how we got to the part where my son will be going to the game.

1. Party planned
2. We informed coach that kid would miss game.
3. You cancelled party for stupid reason
4. You vetoed alternate family get together proposal
5. We contacted coach and committed to game since family plans were *all* cancelled by *you*
6. You are the reason we are going to the game.

If my husband wished to attend the party, he could attend with our other kids and that would be ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son would go to the game. I wouldn't put up with that BS from my MIL. If she made a peep, she would get a point by point description of how we got to the part where my son will be going to the game.

1. Party planned
2. We informed coach that kid would miss game.
3. You cancelled party for stupid reason
4. You vetoed alternate family get together proposal
5. We contacted coach and committed to game since family plans were *all* cancelled by *you*
6. You are the reason we are going to the game.

If my husband wished to attend the party, he could attend with our other kids and that would be ideal.

I am genuinely having trouble following this reasoning. MIL was annoying, yes. MIL bad bad choices, yes. Somebody may want to even point that out to her so she can potentially learn from it.

But why does that affect whether everybody goes to a 75th birthday party? Did FIL do something wrong here, for which he needs to be punished or "shown the error of his ways"? The question comes down to whether it is too late to cancel on a middle schooler's committment to attend a sporting event. If OP thinks it is, fine. But the rest of it is really just about spite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's your husband's family. Go with the flow. It's a kid sport, not the NBA.

I agree with you completely up to the point that the party was cancelled and we then made the commitment for our son to now attend the game. It's the back and forth that I have the problem with. There was no question that our son would miss the game before the cancellation was made. Given that the team is small and we're less than a week out from the game, it does have an impact on the team and the coach. Since we can go to both the game and the party, I just believe we should honor the commitment we made after the party was cancelled.

I agree with your thinking. You made the best decision at each stage of this business. Now, it comes down to either 1. disappointing the team and backing out of a commitment, or 2. allowing MIL to experience the natural consequence of her back-and-forth. Caprice much?

My vote? He plays.

That you all can ALSO attend the party is a bonus.

[Anonymous]

Will there be quite a few cousins for your sins to be around, or will they be the only kids? If lots of cousins, then you all attend the party. If no other kids, then hire a babysitter to take DC to game and drop off at party.

If no babysitter, you all go to party. Listen to your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's your husband's family. Go with the flow. It's a kid sport, not the NBA.

I agree with you completely up to the point that the party was cancelled and we then made the commitment for our son to now attend the game. It's the back and forth that I have the problem with. There was no question that our son would miss the game before the cancellation was made. Given that the team is small and we're less than a week out from the game, it does have an impact on the team and the coach. Since we can go to both the game and the party, I just believe we should honor the commitment we made after the party was cancelled.

I agree with your thinking. You made the best decision at each stage of this business. Now, it comes down to either 1. disappointing the team and backing out of a commitment, or 2. allowing MIL to experience the natural consequence of her back-and-forth. Caprice much?

My vote? He plays.

That you all can ALSO attend the party is a bonus.

Yes, MIL would experience those consequences. So would FIL. So would DH. So would extended family (cousins?). You say it comes down to disappointing the team or making the MIL feel some sort of karma. Isn't it really about disappointing the team and disappointing the extended family as a whole?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's your husband's family. Go with the flow. It's a kid sport, not the NBA.

I agree with you completely up to the point that the party was cancelled and we then made the commitment for our son to now attend the game. It's the back and forth that I have the problem with. There was no question that our son would miss the game before the cancellation was made. Given that the team is small and we're less than a week out from the game, it does have an impact on the team and the coach. Since we can go to both the game and the party, I just believe we should honor the commitment we made after the party was cancelled.

I agree with you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Yup...you're an askhole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's your husband's family. Go with the flow. It's a kid sport, not the NBA.

I agree with you completely up to the point that the party was cancelled and we then made the commitment for our son to now attend the game. It's the back and forth that I have the problem with. There was no question that our son would miss the game before the cancellation was made. Given that the team is small and we're less than a week out from the game, it does have an impact on the team and the coach. Since we can go to both the game and the party, I just believe we should honor the commitment we made after the party was cancelled.

I agree with you, OP.

Why is the impact on the team any greater now than it as when you first said you couldn't make it? I assume the team hasn't loss members since then? Did the coach have a set line-up already, and if so, would it be any harder to alter that line-up now than two weeks ago? Honest question. Maybe if they no longer have enough players, or if somebody else dropped out in reliance on your son being able to play, that would mean something. Otherwise, I am not seeing it?