My mom is convinced he will "grow out" of his special needs

[Anonymous]

After a long journey with lots of specialists, money, IEP, etc., we are now better equipped to help our son. (We are not medicating, and have chosen to do lots of therapy and educating ourselves on how to be his advocate and parent the best we can knowing how is brain works.)

My mother doesn't believe in ADHD, and thinks his problems are due to "poor parenting" on our part. She tells us, "He will grow out of this. You *people* over react to everything. He just needs discipline." Then she goes all FOX news and crazy shit on me, and tells me how different things were when she raised us.

Holidays are coming up, and quite frankly, I can't deal with her comments and treatment of him as we are just getting things on track. Not sure how to handle this situation.

Advice?

[Anonymous]

Don't spend the holidays with your mom. Or if you choose to, give her fair warning that if she says anything relating to his ADHD or behavioral issues, you will leave. That said, you have to do your share in also not bring up your son's behavioral issues and pushed the ADHD diagnosis in her face.

My parents are the same way. It annoys the hell out of me but to keep the peace, we have mutual agreed to each other that such topics will no longer be discussed with each other.

[Anonymous]

Previous PP here. Sorry for all the grammatical mistakes and typos.

[Anonymous]

Well she is right.

Your poor parenting choices are preventing him from getting help. He needs medication. Get it for him. That's what a good parenting decision looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well she is right.

Your poor parenting choices are preventing him from getting help. He needs medication. Get it for him. That's what a good parenting decision looks like.

How do you know the kid needs meds when you haven't met the kid or are probably a doctor with this expertise. OP, ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well she is right.

Your poor parenting choices are preventing him from getting help. He needs medication. Get it for him. That's what a good parenting decision looks like.

+1. I feel bad for the teachers and other students who your snowflake will be disrupting

[Anonymous]

Hotel, your own wheels, and thoughfully planned togetherness - with an escape plan. Always have an escape plan.

[Anonymous]

you have to do your share in also not bring up your son's behavioral issues and pushed the ADHD diagnosis in her face

Agree with this sentiment. It is not your Mother who will support you on this. Don't go to her for support,
and then complain about how she reacts. Seek your support for this issue elsewhere and leave Mom
out of it.

[Anonymous]

This thread has already proven that there are still people in the 21st Century who don't understand neurological differences in the modern population.

Translation: no, it's not "bad" parenting. It's a very disability based on different ways and variations of the way brain functions.

Google it.

OP, the posters who recommended hotels or staying home are correct. Go your own way for your family's peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

you have to do your share in also not bring up your son's behavioral issues and pushed the ADHD diagnosis in her face

Agree with this sentiment. It is not your Mother who will support you on this. Don't go to her for support,
and then complain about how she reacts. Seek your support for this issue elsewhere and leave Mom
out of it.

I somewhat agree with this. You know your mother doesn't agree with you, so why discuss it with her?
You kind of have the he'll grow out of it mentality with your choice to use therapy.
Get a hotel and stay elsewhere.
But when you and your child are in your mother's home ( or any place else) you are responsible for his behavior and teaching him the rules of society. Maybe I'm projecting, but reading between the lines I've known one to many parents who use an ADHD diagnosis and treatment by therapy to allow any and all kind of behavior and expect everyone to just " deal with it", no matter what, and anyone who even hints they do something about it just isn't supportive or is ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it is bad parenting, sometimes bad genetics but either way, grandma is not supportive. You do not medicate for the school or teacher, you medicate to help your child focus after you have tried other means that did not work. Meds are not always the anwser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well she is right.

Your poor parenting choices are preventing him from getting help. He needs medication. Get it for him. That's what a good parenting decision looks like.

+1. I feel bad for the teachers and other students who your snowflake will be disrupting

Troll supporting its troll post.

[Anonymous]

This is why I never told anyone on our families that my child has adhd.

[Anonymous]

Okay so I just reread your OP.
You can't convince someone to believe what they don't want to believe. You just can't.
It sucks that your mom isn't supportive, but you have to stop turning to her expecting the support she's not giving.

The other piece is you can't expect the world ( family included) to adapt to your son and his therapy.
If you are having holidays at your mom's you need to come up with strategies to make sure your son can function in the rules and boundaries of the home.
If that means you have to shell out cash for a hotel, only show up for meals, and only stay a short time, then that's what has to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I never told anyone on our families that my child has adhd.

They probably know even if you don't say anything.