Au Pair just asked for more money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There clearly is a disconnect between what host families report as the experience and what au pairs report. That is what the OP was referring to when they talked about people reminiscing about slavery-not that APs are slaves- but that there is a very different perspective between those in power and those serving. People in the post-Antebellum South insisted that their slaves were a very loved part of the family, but the slaves did not perceive it as so. Just as today's testimony shows that many APs are very saddened by their lowly status in their new families. No one is saying that APs were captured, sold into slavery, have no recourse...rather we are saying that it can be very painful to expect to be an exchange student and then be treated as a servant.

There are thousands of au pairs every year. These articles cited handfuls of problems. I 100% support kicking the agencies butts into doing their jobs and increasing protections for both host families and au pairs. For instance, a host family that has documented issues should be kicked out of the program across all agencies and not allowed to just swap agencies. And au pairs who are found to abuse or neglect kids should be sent home, rather than being sent to a new family. The program needs reform. But I dont support turning au pairs into nannies. It's a fundamentally different relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This comes up every single time a family moans about having their fourth college kid flake in one semester. Many, many families need a maximum of 3 hours per day. Their kids are in school, and they do camps when they're not. Now, it's different for some during covid, but thigns have changed for everyone during covid.

No worries. Legislation is on the way. You can have 3 hours as long as you commit to the fair comp, MA rules, you match successfully, and you uphold the cultural exchange. Clearly too many of you are of the exploiter persuasion for this to be left well alone. Monday morning, my first call is the DC OAG.

You don't get it. It's either employee status OR cultural exchange, not both.

[Anonymous]

OMG. This is the person that watches your children. Keep them happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There clearly is a disconnect between what host families report as the experience and what au pairs report. That is what the OP was referring to when they talked about people reminiscing about slavery-not that APs are slaves- but that there is a very different perspective between those in power and those serving. People in the post-Antebellum South insisted that their slaves were a very loved part of the family, but the slaves did not perceive it as so. Just as today's testimony shows that many APs are very saddened by their lowly status in their new families. No one is saying that APs were captured, sold into slavery, have no recourse...rather we are saying that it can be very painful to expect to be an exchange student and then be treated as a servant.

There are thousands of au pairs every year. These articles cited handfuls of problems. I 100% support kicking the agencies butts into doing their jobs and increasing protections for both host families and au pairs. For instance, a host family that has documented issues should be kicked out of the program across all agencies and not allowed to just swap agencies. And au pairs who are found to abuse or neglect kids should be sent home, rather than being sent to a new family. The program needs reform. But I dont support turning au pairs into nannies. It's a fundamentally different relationship.

Precisely!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. This is the person that watches your children. Keep them happy.

They are happy! Very happy. We just mailed a stack of Christmas boxes to our former au pairs with their favorite American holiday goodies. We dont have an au pair currently because of the Trump ban, but otherwise I'm sure she'd be happy too. We make sure they have an amazing experience--you know, that cultural exchange bit.

It's only the PP who is making crazy accusations that I'm acting like a slave owner by hosting an au pair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:O]They are happy! Very happy. We just mailed a stack of Christmas boxes to our former au pairs with their favorite American holiday goodies. We dont have an au pair currently because of the Trump ban, but otherwise I'm sure she'd be happy too. We make sure they have an amazing experience--you know, that cultural exchange bit.

It's only the PP who is making crazy accusations that I'm acting like a slave owner by hosting an au pair.

Sure, your APs are singing songs similar to Stephen Foster, about 'My Ole DC home.'...and "Way Down Upon The Shenandoah Rive'r...'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:O]They are happy! Very happy. We just mailed a stack of Christmas boxes to our former au pairs with their favorite American holiday goodies. We dont have an au pair currently because of the Trump ban, but otherwise I'm sure she'd be happy too. We make sure they have an amazing experience--you know, that cultural exchange bit.

It's only the PP who is making crazy accusations that I'm acting like a slave owner by hosting an au pair.

Sure, your APs are singing songs similar to Stephen Foster, about 'My Ole DC home.'...and "Way Down Upon The Shenandoah Rive'r...'

I'm pretty sure they didnt take that course at University in their home European country.

[Anonymous]

This is quite shocking, since we are talking about a minimum wage and/or a number of hours that allow for meaningful education/cultural exchange. 45 hrs/wk leaves little free time. $4.35/hr is a pittance, it’s barely over half a federal minimum which is incredibly low, a third or less of DMV state minimum. That is after 40% is taken off for room and board where only $77 per week max is allowed (nearly a double is taken out by these families each week). I paid au pairs $12/hr over a decade ago. How come no one hosting has said hey maybe I should take another look instead of just swinging at any fair wage advocates? The reality is: at MA standard, au pair is a cultural exchange program with significant differences and benefits (depending what you want) from other live in childcare and is still very considerably cheaper to allow for the cultural exchange and educational aspect!

So now, I ask myself, if I’m an au pair, maybe I’m ok with it, even happy, since I’ve got a J1 (many unmarried young women are rejected for tourist visas routinely) and an experience. But if I’m now told that’s a fraction of a federal minimum and even smaller fraction of a state minimum, you should get 2-3x that and the same other benefits, I’d say no, that’s a terrible idea?! No, I’d say, thank you — no one, not the agency, not my host family, not the other au pairs told me that, but that’s even better! And it’s the only fair thing and you all know it. I know that as a host family we would be very happy to comply.

It is pointless to debate further, but at least we’ve learned people in one of the wealthiest parts of the world, who have no reason not to, will still not do the right thing without the legislation. The legislation is pending, so let’s write to our reps and make sure it happens. Thank you, Mrs. Vice President for introducing the bill in the Congress, and the Supreme Court for rejecting you hear the appeal to the MA ruling. We are a step closer to correcting some historical injustices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is quite shocking, since we are talking about a minimum wage and/or a number of hours that allow for meaningful education/cultural exchange. 45 hrs/wk leaves little free time. $4.35/hr is a pittance, it’s barely over half a federal minimum which is incredibly low, a third or less of DMV state minimum. That is after 40% is taken off for room and board where only $77 per week max is allowed (nearly a double is taken out by these families each week). I paid au pairs $12/hr over a decade ago. How come no one hosting has said hey maybe I should take another look instead of just swinging at any fair wage advocates? The reality is: at MA standard, au pair is a cultural exchange program with significant differences and benefits (depending what you want) from other live in childcare and is still very considerably cheaper to allow for the cultural exchange and educational aspect!

So now, I ask myself, if I’m an au pair, maybe I’m ok with it, even happy, since I’ve got a J1 (many unmarried young women are rejected for tourist visas routinely) and an experience. But if I’m now told that’s a fraction of a federal minimum and even smaller fraction of a state minimum, you should get 2-3x that and the same other benefits, I’d say no, that’s a terrible idea?! No, I’d say, thank you — no one, not the agency, not my host family, not the other au pairs told me that, but that’s even better! And it’s the only fair thing and you all know it. I know that as a host family we would be very happy to comply.

It is pointless to debate further, but at least we’ve learned people in one of the wealthiest parts of the world, who have no reason not to, will still not do the right thing without the legislation. The legislation is pending, so let’s write to our reps and make sure it happens. Thank you, Mrs. Vice President for introducing the bill in the Congress, and the Supreme Court for rejecting you hear the appeal to the MA ruling. We are a step closer to correcting some historical injustices.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Don’t look back in anger: I'm gonna start a revolution from my bed...

[Anonymous]

Nanny rates discussed here
www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/919430.page

[Anonymous]

We spend about 40k a year on AP for our one toddler. She works 40 hours a week, roughly the same schedule every week. She has a dedicated car and we pay for all her gas. Her cell phone. Whatever food she wants. 1000k towards her classes. She gets $250 per week. We have taken her to the Caribbean, Europe, Canada, etc. She has traveled on her own to Alaska, Colorado, and all along the Eastern seaboard. During the pandemic she has taken some trips to visit friends, which we were nervous about, but trust her as an adult women to make good choices. We couldn't afford to participate in the program if it were more than 40k to us - this is a little more than what we paid previously for a nanny share. Our AP is happy, renewed with for a second year during the pandemic, and is saving 60% of her paycheck. She has her own apartment in our house that we would rent out if we didn't have an AP. We have been very conscious about the cultural exchange piece of the program - and even during the pandemic we have made a real effort. The program needs reform, and we are the first people to call out bad HF behavior, but for us, hosting is not cheap child care. It is cheaper than a nanny - but more expensive than day care or a nanny share.

[Anonymous]

You PPs act like everyone is rich and every person gets paid $15/hr with many benefits. I wouldn’t use an au pair myself but our babysitter was very poor and lost her parent. We supported her family for years. But we couldn’t afford $15/hr and she was young. Too young. What was she supposed to do? Eventually we showed her how to do FA and she became a dental hygienist. Better to have not hired her at all?

[Anonymous]

PP above for $40K why not hire a nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is literally NEVER true. Definitionally, the program does not pull from impoverished countries. Middle income at absolute poorest. My au pairs have come from Western Europe. At least one came from a family richer than us (owned a vineyard).

Many APs are from Columbia, Thailand, China, SA...even young women from western Europe are not from wealthy families, otherwise why would they allow their children to do this....c'mon this was addressed very early in the thread...your child may take a gap year, but not to become a domestic servant in Europe...

And these are not “impoverished countries.” As I said, middle income at absolute poorest. I can’t even imagine a worldly person claiming with a straight face that South African au pairs are being plucked out of poverty.

And yes my children may well become au pairs in Europe as a gap year. Many of my friends in college had been au pairs.