Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids require more care than 2 working parents can give. How can you really supervise your kids when you get home at 6:00-6:30pm at night exhausted. How much attention can you give them to their concerns, learning issues, etc. Then comes the housework, but everyone here likes to outsource everything and drive luxury cars and then say they "HAVE" to work to pay for the cleaning lady, etc.... It's a choice....and BTW, I work part-time.

Agreed. I've been on both sides of the WOH/SAH spectrum. My kids respond better when I am home. Getting home at 6/6:30 SUCKED especially in the fall and winter. If parents are lucky enough to have the flexibility to be home before 5, it could work. Otherwise, having 2-3 hours of time together before the night routine is no way to live. I'd rather give up luxuries than do that again.

Thankfully, my mother was able to provide childcare for my children so I didn't have any anxiety over the care they received. If daycare/nanny were my only options, I would have elected to SAH fully or not had kids. IMO, daycare is not appropriate until children are 3 or thereabouts.

LOL, OK!

[Anonymous]

Honest to god, the solution here is that a full-time job shouldn't take up 40-60 hours of your week, but we should all be working 25-30 hours/week. And both men and women should get a year off following the birth of a child. So very many women wouldn't have to drop out of the workforce if they felt they could be there for their infant and go back to work after a year, myself included. it's a shitty choice, either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest to god, the solution here is that a full-time job shouldn't take up 40-60 hours of your week, but we should all be working 25-30 hours/week. And both men and women should get a year off following the birth of a child. So very many women wouldn't have to drop out of the workforce if they felt they could be there for their infant and go back to work after a year, myself included. it's a shitty choice, either way.

Well, I think 40 hours per week is reasonable but it gets nuts above that. And, unfortunately, the DMV commuting horror makes it all so much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got knocked out of the game 7 years ago while pregnant with my 2nd during a RIF. I interviewed for new jobs but as soon as I walked in with my huge belly the looks on their faces said it all and I couldn't get a new job while pregnant. I know technically that's illegal but it's reality. I have never stopped looking, I have even looked in other industries. Either I am "too qualified" or the hours are insane and they won't agree to let me leave in order to pick up my kids from aftercare at 6, because if they let me they say they have to let everyone else. I've heard it all. It's so depressing.

I would love, LOVE, to go back to a real job. But I can't seem to find one. I love all these happy, perfect stories about women who get better jobs, at higher pay, after taking some time off, but it hasn't happened for me. I have lots of contacts, I have my JD and MBA. But it's hard out there. So stop with the one size fits all they are giving away jobs if you really looked stories.

They are right about this. And this is the issue, but it isn't just an issue for working parents. It's an issue for society in general: there is no work-life balance.

What usually happens is parents are the only ones who are able to make boundaries (if they are already employed) because no one argues with "the daycare closes at 6." So the nonparents are expected to not have any structure to their lives and stay as late as necessary.

The reality is that we need to pivot back to a general 40-hour week for *everyone*. If that were the case, it wouldn't be an issue for parents looking for work. But employers know that it's easier for them to exploit nonparents. They don't have any excuse for not staying late. The reality is that an excuse shouldn't be necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest to god, the solution here is that a full-time job shouldn't take up 40-60 hours of your week, but we should all be working 25-30 hours/week. And both men and women should get a year off following the birth of a child. So very many women wouldn't have to drop out of the workforce if they felt they could be there for their infant and go back to work after a year, myself included. it's a shitty choice, either way.

Well, I think 40 hours per week is reasonable but it gets nuts above that. And, unfortunately, the DMV commuting horror makes it all so much worse.

40 hours is reasonable, but beyond that (especially given commuting times) is ridiculous. But I don't think that it should be limited to people with children. All adults deserve work-life balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got knocked out of the game 7 years ago while pregnant with my 2nd during a RIF. I interviewed for new jobs but as soon as I walked in with my huge belly the looks on their faces said it all and I couldn't get a new job while pregnant. I know technically that's illegal but it's reality. I have never stopped looking, I have even looked in other industries. Either I am "too qualified" or the hours are insane and they won't agree to let me leave in order to pick up my kids from aftercare at 6, because if they let me they say they have to let everyone else. I've heard it all. It's so depressing.

I would love, LOVE, to go back to a real job. But I can't seem to find one. I love all these happy, perfect stories about women who get better jobs, at higher pay, after taking some time off, but it hasn't happened for me. I have lots of contacts, I have my JD and MBA. But it's hard out there. So stop with the one size fits all they are giving away jobs if you really looked stories.

They are right about this. And this is the issue, but it isn't just an issue for working parents. It's an issue for society in general: there is no work-life balance.

What usually happens is parents are the only ones who are able to make boundaries (if they are already employed) because no one argues with "the daycare closes at 6." So the nonparents are expected to not have any structure to their lives and stay as late as necessary.

The reality is that we need to pivot back to a general 40-hour week for *everyone*. If that were the case, it wouldn't be an issue for parents looking for work. But employers know that it's easier for them to exploit nonparents. They don't have any excuse for not staying late. The reality is that an excuse shouldn't be necessary.

I can assure you that there are many peoplle who are fine working way more than 40 hours a week, such as my transplant surgeon Dh.

The problem is many people who complain about working too many hours are not willing to take the lower pay that comes with a 40 hour per week job.

There are plenty of 40 hour week jobs in the dmv given te,size of the government sector.

I've never worked more,than 40 hours a week since my kids were born, but I also,earn much less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got knocked out of the game 7 years ago while pregnant with my 2nd during a RIF. I interviewed for new jobs but as soon as I walked in with my huge belly the looks on their faces said it all and I couldn't get a new job while pregnant. I know technically that's illegal but it's reality. I have never stopped looking, I have even looked in other industries. Either I am "too qualified" or the hours are insane and they won't agree to let me leave in order to pick up my kids from aftercare at 6, because if they let me they say they have to let everyone else. I've heard it all. It's so depressing.

I would love, LOVE, to go back to a real job. But I can't seem to find one. I love all these happy, perfect stories about women who get better jobs, at higher pay, after taking some time off, but it hasn't happened for me. I have lots of contacts, I have my JD and MBA. But it's hard out there. So stop with the one size fits all they are giving away jobs if you really looked stories.

They are right about this. And this is the issue, but it isn't just an issue for working parents. It's an issue for society in general: there is no work-life balance.

What usually happens is parents are the only ones who are able to make boundaries (if they are already employed) because no one argues with "the daycare closes at 6." So the nonparents are expected to not have any structure to their lives and stay as late as necessary.

The reality is that we need to pivot back to a general 40-hour week for *everyone*. If that were the case, it wouldn't be an issue for parents looking for work. But employers know that it's easier for them to exploit nonparents. They don't have any excuse for not staying late. The reality is that an excuse shouldn't be necessary.

I can assure you that there are many peoplle who are fine working way more than 40 hours a week, such as my transplant surgeon Dh.

The problem is many people who complain about working too many hours are not willing to take the lower pay that comes with a 40 hour per week job.

There are plenty of 40 hour week jobs in the dmv given te,size of the government sector.

I've never worked more,than 40 hours a week since my kids were born, but I also,earn much less.

But that's OK because you've got a transplant surgeon husband, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got knocked out of the game 7 years ago while pregnant with my 2nd during a RIF. I interviewed for new jobs but as soon as I walked in with my huge belly the looks on their faces said it all and I couldn't get a new job while pregnant. I know technically that's illegal but it's reality. I have never stopped looking, I have even looked in other industries. Either I am "too qualified" or the hours are insane and they won't agree to let me leave in order to pick up my kids from aftercare at 6, because if they let me they say they have to let everyone else. I've heard it all. It's so depressing.

I would love, LOVE, to go back to a real job. But I can't seem to find one. I love all these happy, perfect stories about women who get better jobs, at higher pay, after taking some time off, but it hasn't happened for me. I have lots of contacts, I have my JD and MBA. But it's hard out there. So stop with the one size fits all they are giving away jobs if you really looked stories.

They are right about this. And this is the issue, but it isn't just an issue for working parents. It's an issue for society in general: there is no work-life balance.

What usually happens is parents are the only ones who are able to make boundaries (if they are already employed) because no one argues with "the daycare closes at 6." So the nonparents are expected to not have any structure to their lives and stay as late as necessary.

The reality is that we need to pivot back to a general 40-hour week for *everyone*. If that were the case, it wouldn't be an issue for parents looking for work. But employers know that it's easier for them to exploit nonparents. They don't have any excuse for not staying late. The reality is that an excuse shouldn't be necessary.

I can assure you that there are many peoplle who are fine working way more than 40 hours a week, such as my transplant surgeon Dh.

The problem is many people who complain about working too many hours are not willing to take the lower pay that comes with a 40 hour per week job.

There are plenty of 40 hour week jobs in the dmv given te,size of the government sector.

I've never worked more,than 40 hours a week since my kids were born, but I also,earn much less.

But that's OK because you've got a transplant surgeon husband, right?

exactly. People should be able to have work-life balance and have a middle class lifestyle. You shouldn't have to marry rich in order to achieve that. 40 hour weeks should be standard. Period. Yes, for some jobs, there are more options, but those jobs also pay a *LOT* more. I know a lot of people who are putting in ridiculous hours and they probably don't even make one quarter what PP's transplant surgeon DH makes. That's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got knocked out of the game 7 years ago while pregnant with my 2nd during a RIF. I interviewed for new jobs but as soon as I walked in with my huge belly the looks on their faces said it all and I couldn't get a new job while pregnant. I know technically that's illegal but it's reality. I have never stopped looking, I have even looked in other industries. Either I am "too qualified" or the hours are insane and they won't agree to let me leave in order to pick up my kids from aftercare at 6, because if they let me they say they have to let everyone else. I've heard it all. It's so depressing.

I would love, LOVE, to go back to a real job. But I can't seem to find one. I love all these happy, perfect stories about women who get better jobs, at higher pay, after taking some time off, but it hasn't happened for me. I have lots of contacts, I have my JD and MBA. But it's hard out there. So stop with the one size fits all they are giving away jobs if you really looked stories.

They are right about this. And this is the issue, but it isn't just an issue for working parents. It's an issue for society in general: there is no work-life balance.

What usually happens is parents are the only ones who are able to make boundaries (if they are already employed) because no one argues with "the daycare closes at 6." So the nonparents are expected to not have any structure to their lives and stay as late as necessary.

The reality is that we need to pivot back to a general 40-hour week for *everyone*. If that were the case, it wouldn't be an issue for parents looking for work. But employers know that it's easier for them to exploit nonparents. They don't have any excuse for not staying late. The reality is that an excuse shouldn't be necessary.

I can assure you that there are many peoplle who are fine working way more than 40 hours a week, such as my transplant surgeon Dh.

The problem is many people who complain about working too many hours are not willing to take the lower pay that comes with a 40 hour per week job.

There are plenty of 40 hour week jobs in the dmv given te,size of the government sector.

I've never worked more,than 40 hours a week since my kids were born, but I also,earn much less.

But that's OK because you've got a transplant surgeon husband, right?

Nope, I could live in my salary with a spouse who made the same amount as me. I could also work the same hours as I worked pre kids in private practice and have a sah husband. We all make our own choices. Those calling for a a 40 hour work week What a higher salary and not to work that much. That isn't the way the world works sorry. sanders supporters, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got knocked out of the game 7 years ago while pregnant with my 2nd during a RIF. I interviewed for new jobs but as soon as I walked in with my huge belly the looks on their faces said it all and I couldn't get a new job while pregnant. I know technically that's illegal but it's reality. I have never stopped looking, I have even looked in other industries. Either I am "too qualified" or the hours are insane and they won't agree to let me leave in order to pick up my kids from aftercare at 6, because if they let me they say they have to let everyone else. I've heard it all. It's so depressing.

I would love, LOVE, to go back to a real job. But I can't seem to find one. I love all these happy, perfect stories about women who get better jobs, at higher pay, after taking some time off, but it hasn't happened for me. I have lots of contacts, I have my JD and MBA. But it's hard out there. So stop with the one size fits all they are giving away jobs if you really looked stories.

They are right about this. And this is the issue, but it isn't just an issue for working parents. It's an issue for society in general: there is no work-life balance.

What usually happens is parents are the only ones who are able to make boundaries (if they are already employed) because no one argues with "the daycare closes at 6." So the nonparents are expected to not have any structure to their lives and stay as late as necessary.

The reality is that we need to pivot back to a general 40-hour week for *everyone*. If that were the case, it wouldn't be an issue for parents looking for work. But employers know that it's easier for them to exploit nonparents. They don't have any excuse for not staying late. The reality is that an excuse shouldn't be necessary.

I can assure you that there are many peoplle who are fine working way more than 40 hours a week, such as my transplant surgeon Dh.

The problem is many people who complain about working too many hours are not willing to take the lower pay that comes with a 40 hour per week job.

There are plenty of 40 hour week jobs in the dmv given te,size of the government sector.

I've never worked more,than 40 hours a week since my kids were born, but I also,earn much less.

But that's OK because you've got a transplant surgeon husband, right?

Nope, I could live in my salary with a spouse who made the same amount as me. I could also work the same hours as I worked pre kids in private practice and have a sah husband. We all make our own choices. Those calling for a a 40 hour work week What a higher salary and not to work that much. That isn't the way the world works sorry. sanders supporters, right?

Want not what.

[Anonymous]

You could but you don't have to -- and don't --- because you've got a hubby making big bucks. Come back and post again when you can actually relate to the issues people are commenting on, Dr. 1%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could but you don't have to -- and don't --- because you've got a hubby making big bucks. Come back and post again when you can actually relate to the issues people are commenting on, Dr. 1%.

Yup, guessed right, a Sanders supporter who wants to work no more than 40 hours but still thinks they should get paid the as if they worked more. Most likely also a millennial.

I worked 60 hours a week for more than ten years at big law and my Dh worked for peanuts for 12 years while getting a phD, doing a surgical residency and transplant fellowship all while working 80 plus hours a week, you can tell me how cushy my life is when you have done the same.

You live in Dc, where there are plenty of six figure 40 hour a week jobs thanks to the government, take the time to get the qualifications that will get you one, don't expect someone to legislate one for you.

[Anonymous]

Yup entitled 1%-er. Pride goeth before the fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup entitled 1%-er. Pride goeth before the fall.

.

Sure, I'mam the entitled one. Whose happy with their life and whose whining about their job and wishing the government could step in so they could work fewer hous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question is for husbands only with SAHMs who really preferred their wives were working. I'm assuming you were okay with the arrangement before but what changed your mind?

I never changed my mind. My wife just decided to stop working. Then she got pregnant, had a kid, sayed home till school age by plan. Now, she continues to SAH, even though the child is 16.

The kid your wife had, who was the father of that kid?