Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woh who was once a Sah. Whenever I hear a another working mom make a nasty comment about sahs or read one here, I think the speaker is deeply unhappy with her own choices. I assune this is a pretty universal reaction, well adjusted happy people don't go around attacking entire groups of people they don't know.

Agree. There are so many deeply unhappy, bitter and resentful people on this forum. If you are so "happy & satisfied" with the choices you've made, why do you feel the need to sling insults at people who make different choices? Really weak. Get yourself some therapy, figure out why you feel compelled to live a life that leaves you bitter & fundamentally unhappy, and don't be an intolerant bully picking on people that live differently than you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woh who was once a Sah. Whenever I hear a another working mom make a nasty comment about sahs or read one here, I think the speaker is deeply unhappy with her own choices. I assune this is a pretty universal reaction, well adjusted happy people don't go around attacking entire groups of people they don't know.

Does that work both ways?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woh who was once a Sah. Whenever I hear a another working mom make a nasty comment about sahs or read one here, I think the speaker is deeply unhappy with her own choices. I assune this is a pretty universal reaction, well adjusted happy people don't go around attacking entire groups of people they don't know.

Does that work both ways?

Clearly. She even said so in the bolded above. Are you just looking for things to get mad about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of these posts about men wanting wives to return to work. My kids are grown and gone except for one high schooler. I work 25 hours a week, but am well-compensated. My DH would throw a party if I quit. He would be thrilled. He is super supportive and certainly does his share at home. But he liked it much better when I was home full time.

Why? If the kids are grown and the job makes you happy and is clearly at 25 hours a week not taking up all of your time, why would he throw a party if you quit? Doesn't add up to say he is super supportive - seems like he has made it clear he wants you to quit! Is it a cultural thing - like pride in not having a wife who works? Just seems odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have a negative reaction to stay at homes for the same reason they have a negative reaction to welfare queens: indolence and stupidity.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of these posts about men wanting wives to return to work. My kids are grown and gone except for one high schooler. I work 25 hours a week, but am well-compensated. My DH would throw a party if I quit. He would be thrilled. He is super supportive and certainly does his share at home. But he liked it much better when I was home full time.

Why? If the kids are grown and the job makes you happy and is clearly at 25 hours a week not taking up all of your time, why would he throw a party if you quit? Doesn't add up to say he is super supportive - seems like he has made it clear he wants you to quit! Is it a cultural thing - like pride in not having a wife who works? Just seems odd.

I have a friend who has a similar schedule but her DH would like her to quit because he's a doctor whose work includes a lot of travel to conferences and he'd like for her to be free to travel with him whenever he wants. She's thinking she'll quit when the teen goes to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woh who was once a Sah. Whenever I hear a another working mom make a nasty comment about sahs or read one here, I think the speaker is deeply unhappy with her own choices. I assune this is a pretty universal reaction, well adjusted happy people don't go around attacking entire groups of people they don't know.

Does that work both ways?

Clearly. She even said so in the bolded above. Are you just looking for things to get mad about?

Not at all. Settle down. Just wondering if stay at homes attacking working moms implies the same to PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of these posts about men wanting wives to return to work. My kids are grown and gone except for one high schooler. I work 25 hours a week, but am well-compensated. My DH would throw a party if I quit. He would be thrilled. He is super supportive and certainly does his share at home. But he liked it much better when I was home full time.

Why? If the kids are grown and the job makes you happy and is clearly at 25 hours a week not taking up all of your time, why would he throw a party if you quit? Doesn't add up to say he is super supportive - seems like he has made it clear he wants you to quit! Is it a cultural thing - like pride in not having a wife who works? Just seems odd.

I have a friend who has a similar schedule but her DH would like her to quit because he's a doctor whose work includes a lot of travel to conferences and he'd like for her to be free to travel with him whenever he wants. She's thinking she'll quit when the teen goes to college.

Still feel like this is selfish. It's okay for him to have fulfillment outside the home but not her? Plus, people get vacation and if your friend truly doesn't need the money she can take unpaid leave to travel. Just seems crazy to me to accept this if someone enjoys their job. Controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woh who was once a Sah. Whenever I hear a another working mom make a nasty comment about sahs or read one here, I think the speaker is deeply unhappy with her own choices. I assune this is a pretty universal reaction, well adjusted happy people don't go around attacking entire groups of people they don't know.

Does that work both ways?

Clearly. She even said so in the bolded above. Are you just looking for things to get mad about?

Not at all. Settle down. Just wondering if stay at homes attacking working moms implies the same to PP.

I also thought that was pretty clearly stated and your comment did seem to be spoiling for a fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lean in. Work your network if you really want back into working. Men usually never left. Working women understand. Work the women network. I'd start forging relationships with women who work in your industry.

Do you really think working women understand? I mean, I never quit - worked straight through 3 kids in 4 years, still going. Would I hire someone who was out of the workforce to stay home with her kids for a few years? Probably not. Everytime we post a position, we get tons of resumes and I don't even look at people who aren't working - for whatever reason. There's enough good talent to just poach from another company. Why would I want to take a gamble on somebody who has not been working? Time waits for no one.

I agree.

The one area in which SAHMs face a disadvantage in my mind is that even when they are ready to go back to work, many of them really don't understand the need for their family dynamics to shift, so as to prioritize the former SAHM's job. The husband has to immediately do more with kids and house, and the family needs at least one backup childcare plan. Even when my engineer and lawyer SAHM friends want to work, they often underestimate these things.

That actually really surprises me that, in your opinion, SAHMs tend to underestimate the need for back up childcare and the logistics of getting things done at home. Those were actually some of the reasons that I chose to SAH in the first place. And the fact is, SAHMs do need to have back up emergency childcare in place since they don't have regular daycare to send their kids to every time they have a doctors appt.

Okay I misspoke. They understand, and tell potential employers they are prepared to take on a full time job, but aren't really psychologically prepared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woh who was once a Sah. Whenever I hear a another working mom make a nasty comment about sahs or read one here, I think the speaker is deeply unhappy with her own choices. I assune this is a pretty universal reaction, well adjusted happy people don't go around attacking entire groups of people they don't know.

Does that work both ways?

Clearly. She even said so in the bolded above. Are you just looking for things to get mad about?

Not at all. Settle down. Just wondering if stay at homes attacking working moms implies the same to PP.

I also thought that was pretty clearly stated and your comment did seem to be spoiling for a fight.

It wasn't. Interpret as you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woh who was once a Sah. Whenever I hear a another working mom make a nasty comment about sahs or read one here, I think the speaker is deeply unhappy with her own choices. I assune this is a pretty universal reaction, well adjusted happy people don't go around attacking entire groups of people they don't know.

Does that work both ways?

Clearly. She even said so in the bolded above. Are you just looking for things to get mad about?

Not at all. Settle down. Just wondering if stay at homes attacking working moms implies the same to PP.

I also thought that was pretty clearly stated and your comment did seem to be spoiling for a fight.

It wasn't. Interpret as you will.

Of course, it goes both ways. Hope that clears it up for you.

[Anonymous]

Kids require more care than 2 working parents can give. How can you really supervise your kids when you get home at 6:00-6:30pm at night exhausted. How much attention can you give them to their concerns, learning issues, etc. Then comes the housework, but everyone here likes to outsource everything and drive luxury cars and then say they "HAVE" to work to pay for the cleaning lady, etc.... It's a choice....and BTW, I work part-time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids require more care than 2 working parents can give. How can you really supervise your kids when you get home at 6:00-6:30pm at night exhausted. How much attention can you give them to their concerns, learning issues, etc. Then comes the housework, but everyone here likes to outsource everything and drive luxury cars and then say they "HAVE" to work to pay for the cleaning lady, etc.... It's a choice....and BTW, I work part-time.

Agreed. I've been on both sides of the WOH/SAH spectrum. My kids respond better when I am home. Getting home at 6/6:30 SUCKED especially in the fall and winter. If parents are lucky enough to have the flexibility to be home before 5, it could work. Otherwise, having 2-3 hours of time together before the night routine is no way to live. I'd rather give up luxuries than do that again.

Thankfully, my mother was able to provide childcare for my children so I didn't have any anxiety over the care they received. If daycare/nanny were my only options, I would have elected to SAH fully or not had kids. IMO, daycare is not appropriate until children are 3 or thereabouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of these posts about men wanting wives to return to work. My kids are grown and gone except for one high schooler. I work 25 hours a week, but am well-compensated. My DH would throw a party if I quit. He would be thrilled. He is super supportive and certainly does his share at home. But he liked it much better when I was home full time.

Why? If the kids are grown and the job makes you happy and is clearly at 25 hours a week not taking up all of your time, why would he throw a party if you quit? Doesn't add up to say he is super supportive - seems like he has made it clear he wants you to quit! Is it a cultural thing - like pride in not having a wife who works? Just seems odd.

I have a friend who has a similar schedule but her DH would like her to quit because he's a doctor whose work includes a lot of travel to conferences and he'd like for her to be free to travel with him whenever he wants. She's thinking she'll quit when the teen goes to college.

Still feel like this is selfish. It's okay for him to have fulfillment outside the home but not her? Plus, people get vacation and if your friend truly doesn't need the money she can take unpaid leave to travel. Just seems crazy to me to accept this if someone enjoys their job. Controlling.

I met and dated a man who wanted the same. My concern was being taken for granted over time. I don't think anything is wrong with a wife opting to go this route as it sounds fun.