Parents of small children - how are you managing RTO?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We pay for pre-care and after-care. It’s wonderful to know that it is there as we need it. If we come home early one day, then just pick the DC up. It’s an expense that gives peace of mind. I don’t want to keep hiring Nannie’s and teens for an hour here or there. I don’t want to keep searching on care.com. We just sucked up and paid for the given spot.

I our school district you will lose your lost if your kid misses too many days of before/after care. Also, there's a waiting list a mile long. This is not an option available to everyone.

Where we live there are plenty of TKD/ballet/gymnastics type places that pick up at the schools. More people use these than the onsite programs. You don't have to sign up for all 5 days if you don't want to, and they don't care if you don't use the spot every day you have paid for. Look around - I'm sure these exist where you are, in addition to in home situations as well.

Fun fact: none of those places are licensed child care settings, so if you have a child with a disability or a medical condition (or even allergies) it’s not necessarily someplace that child can safely go or will be welcome

And yet, it’s a good suggestion. OP asked how others are handling it.

Didn’t say it wasn’t, but I wanted to point out it has downsides. We all have to choose care we’re comfortable with and can afford and for some of us, this isn’t an acceptable option.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

So we should all give up are low mortgage rates and buy homes closer in (since there is an abundance of homes on the market and it the COL in DC is so reasonable). Plus uproot our kids from their schools, activities and friends. What a short sighted comment

You made a decision that fit your situation at that time. But it wasn't smart to not plan for a change in situation. The situation has changed so yes you have to pivot. A low mortgage rate on a house located inconveniently isn't a positive thing.

Ohh geese guess I should have used my
Magic 8 ball ten years ago to know this was coming…silly me to think it was smart to have a family and buy a home!

Literally this is real life! You dont need to know what the change may be but you need to anticipate that family and work obligations shift with time. Assuming what you had at time of home purchase was a life long guarantee is very short sighted. Adults understand contingency plans. It's not fun or pleasant but it is real life. If you chose to have kids you should have expected that to alter your commuting or working abilities in some ways.

Your earlier assertion was that individuals should be able to pivot on a whim, as if selling and buying a new home or relocating children is a trivial matter. You also seem to suggest that there shouldn't be any complaints about returning to the office (RTO) b/c every adult must have their entire life meticulously planned out, accounting for every possible contingency. That reality ain’t possible.

DP. We still have elementary school aged kids and made sure to keep before and after care for our kids all through COVID and beyond because we realized this RTO would potentially be a possibility. I’m sorry if you didn’t plan better. It’s not an expense that we wanted but are thankful to still have it, tens of thousands of dollars later. We bought our home knowing we each could commute to office five days a week. We have colleagues that get up at 4 am to make the in person office commute work. There’s going to be no sympathy with this administration if you’re looking for more flexibility. They want you to quit. Either embrace the change and costs or give in to their demands and quit. There’s really no middle ground.

Not all of us commuted to the office 5 days a week pre covid. Majority of federal government employees were on a hybrid schedule.

So you've been more fortunate than most for a longer time. Can you understand why the complaining isn't getting sympathy?

No actually. Part of the reason I chose to work in my agency and not in a law firm was because it allowed me to have a hybrid schedule. I wanted a job where I didn’t have to commute into DC five days a week. Same with my husband. We made our life decisions (such as the decision to have three kids) based on our work schedules. Get it?

And apparently assumed, for some bizarre reason, that it would stay exactly the same in perpetuity until retirement. Your mistake.

+1. I can’t even with this.

Why not. It’s part of the benefit package that they advertise when you get hired: healthcare, dental benefits, paid leave depending on years of service and flexible work options. We make less but have better benefits.

It’s not “part of the benefit package” that your job and responsibilities and situation will remain exactly the same your entire career. Have you ever even had another job besides your Fed job? It doesn’t sound like it. Jobs, job situations, job duties, bosses, coworkers, and other aspects of your job are not promised and not forever. If you think you can find a different job that promises you full telework and full job security forever, you should definitely take it.

Even if it is part of the benefit package, benefits change. I’ve had employers move from pensions to 401ks, change health insurance carriers and plans, increase premiums, add transit accounts, take away long term care insurance, move to “unlimited” PTO, add telework, reduce telework, rework comp days. A federal government job is more stable than most private sector one, but nothing is guaranteed.

For decades, we’ve heard feds smugly claim how underpaid they are vis-a-vis what they could be making in the private sector, but that they endure because of their morally superior sense of duty and service. Meanwhile, we hear about the million-dollar (+) close-in homes you live in, and the more evolved vacations you take because you are better with money than we are.

I think a good part of America is struggling to understand why there is now so much panic about forks and RIFs and RTO, if you were making such a mission-driven sacrifice in the first place. Why not take one of these plentiful private sector jobs that you were oh-so-qualified for but didn’t take? Or why your dedication to public service is gone now that you have to put your kids in daycare and commute during rush hour like the rest of us?

Was it really moral superiority, or did you just have a good deal, and now that that deal is gone, you’re facing the same trade-offs that the rest of America faces?

Yeah, no. This is the part you either made up or hallucinated. Those weren't feds here.

Two income feds are buying million dollar homes.

So? A lot of people receive family assistance. I would know because we're one of them. Even then, we are still 20+ miles out of town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Two income feds are buying million dollar homes.

And how does this hurt you?

Plenty of people saved for major down payments or sold a smaller property to make a down payment. But really it doesn’t actually matter how other people spend their money. You don’t own them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want to know how other parents are managing RTO without a village.

I quit a job that paid $112K in the state government because of RTO, and we had no support network - no grandparents, friends, or family who could help with pick-up/drop-off or sick days.

My husband is gone from 4AM - 4PM in a secure, union job. I am solely responsible for school drop-off, pickup, and sick days. I was managing a full-time, supervisory position in the government, which was becoming incredibly challenging. When I looked at our finances, I could have enrolled our son in a before/after school care program or hired a nanny, which would cost us roughly $2000/month. This would mean he is at school from 7 AM - 4PM to allow for commute times. My son struggled to adjust to a full-time Kindergarten schedule from 8:30 - 3 PM, and his teacher suggested half days. (He is in an affordable private school)

My manager wanted me to come into the office for 2 days/week. This would mean I leave the house at 6:45 AM to get to work on time by 7:45 for an 8AM start. I was in a supervisory role that required me to train my staff. But we couldn't leave the office once we were there. So that meant I was there for 2 days/week, with my butt in a seat, and then had to compress my staff's training schedule to 3 other days/week. I had five staff in training who all needed extensive support.

So, I quit. I took a significant pay cut and am now making $30/hr in the private sector. I now have fewer retirement contributions but plan to return to a full-time, salaried base position when my son is old enough to stay home alone for a few hours. However, my office is home-based, and I have 2-3 hours of work meetings with clients in the field. I also make my own schedule and work 30 hours/week. My take-home pay is significantly less, but my son is happy to have me drop him off, and I can always be there for sick days. Before, I was scrambling to get everything done.

No sympathy

Had to take care of 2 kids while wife commuted into the city from Burke.

We barely made it. It is tough.

Someone has to have a “mommy job”.

Get over yourself

+1

My wife had to quit her job when our second was born. I had to commute an hour each way because that's what I could afford. Some months were tough and we didn't have enough and had to use the credit card. I kept working hard up get promotions to move closer to work.

I just roll my eyes when people complain that they can't pick up their kids or leave them nn the other room when they're working. Ridiculous.

So, just because you had a hard time when your kids were little you are of the belief that everyone should have hard time? There is total lack of empathy and compassion in this country, no wonder we are where we are.

I am not a Fed but at one time I was a mom with young kids, I commuted 3 hrs everyday, between part time nanny and all ups and downs that come with that arrangement, we barely made it. DH had an equally tough commute. Personally, if I can make life better for parents with young kids, I will and I should. A mom of an elementary schooler on my team has been given 3days WFH instead of our usual 2. This way her husband and her can manage kids without losing their minds, and she is my best performer.

Give people reasons to perform better, to look forward to something positive and they will exceed expectations. We should all support and create a society that provides support to parents and young children. This way when your kids grow up, they won’t have to face what you did.

The problem with your argument is it isn't a reality for the vast majority of society. It is for a small subset of office workers and in this thread, a minority of the federal employment group.

A huge majority of the workforce needs to come to work. They don't get the choice to telework because it isn't possible for them. So I just can't garner a lot of empathy from people who are complaining they have to come to work for a job they're being paid for.

I agree but the goal should be to offer flexibility wherever we can, instead we have become so vicious and mean that we want no one to have any flexibility because we don’t have any. This me me me and individualistic mindset has corrupted and destroyed American society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want to know how other parents are managing RTO without a village.

I quit a job that paid $112K in the state government because of RTO, and we had no support network - no grandparents, friends, or family who could help with pick-up/drop-off or sick days.

My husband is gone from 4AM - 4PM in a secure, union job. I am solely responsible for school drop-off, pickup, and sick days. I was managing a full-time, supervisory position in the government, which was becoming incredibly challenging. When I looked at our finances, I could have enrolled our son in a before/after school care program or hired a nanny, which would cost us roughly $2000/month. This would mean he is at school from 7 AM - 4PM to allow for commute times. My son struggled to adjust to a full-time Kindergarten schedule from 8:30 - 3 PM, and his teacher suggested half days. (He is in an affordable private school)

My manager wanted me to come into the office for 2 days/week. This would mean I leave the house at 6:45 AM to get to work on time by 7:45 for an 8AM start. I was in a supervisory role that required me to train my staff. But we couldn't leave the office once we were there. So that meant I was there for 2 days/week, with my butt in a seat, and then had to compress my staff's training schedule to 3 other days/week. I had five staff in training who all needed extensive support.

So, I quit. I took a significant pay cut and am now making $30/hr in the private sector. I now have fewer retirement contributions but plan to return to a full-time, salaried base position when my son is old enough to stay home alone for a few hours. However, my office is home-based, and I have 2-3 hours of work meetings with clients in the field. I also make my own schedule and work 30 hours/week. My take-home pay is significantly less, but my son is happy to have me drop him off, and I can always be there for sick days. Before, I was scrambling to get everything done.

No sympathy

Had to take care of 2 kids while wife commuted into the city from Burke.

We barely made it. It is tough.

Someone has to have a “mommy job”.

Get over yourself

+1

My wife had to quit her job when our second was born. I had to commute an hour each way because that's what I could afford. Some months were tough and we didn't have enough and had to use the credit card. I kept working hard up get promotions to move closer to work.

I just roll my eyes when people complain that they can't pick up their kids or leave them nn the other room when they're working. Ridiculous.

So, just because you had a hard time when your kids were little you are of the belief that everyone should have hard time? There is total lack of empathy and compassion in this country, no wonder we are where we are.

I am not a Fed but at one time I was a mom with young kids, I commuted 3 hrs everyday, between part time nanny and all ups and downs that come with that arrangement, we barely made it. DH had an equally tough commute. Personally, if I can make life better for parents with young kids, I will and I should. A mom of an elementary schooler on my team has been given 3days WFH instead of our usual 2. This way her husband and her can manage kids without losing their minds, and she is my best performer.

Give people reasons to perform better, to look forward to something positive and they will exceed expectations. We should all support and create a society that provides support to parents and young children. This way when your kids grow up, they won’t have to face what you did.

The problem with your argument is it isn't a reality for the vast majority of society. It is for a small subset of office workers and in this thread, a minority of the federal employment group.

A huge majority of the workforce needs to come to work. They don't get the choice to telework because it isn't possible for them. So I just can't garner a lot of empathy from people who are complaining they have to come to work for a job they're being paid for.

I agree but the goal should be to offer flexibility wherever we can, instead we have become so vicious and mean that we want no one to have any flexibility because we don’t have any. This me me me and individualistic mindset has corrupted and destroyed American society.

I don’t understand why people are threatened by someone else having different circumstances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want to know how other parents are managing RTO without a village.

I quit a job that paid $112K in the state government because of RTO, and we had no support network - no grandparents, friends, or family who could help with pick-up/drop-off or sick days.

My husband is gone from 4AM - 4PM in a secure, union job. I am solely responsible for school drop-off, pickup, and sick days. I was managing a full-time, supervisory position in the government, which was becoming incredibly challenging. When I looked at our finances, I could have enrolled our son in a before/after school care program or hired a nanny, which would cost us roughly $2000/month. This would mean he is at school from 7 AM - 4PM to allow for commute times. My son struggled to adjust to a full-time Kindergarten schedule from 8:30 - 3 PM, and his teacher suggested half days. (He is in an affordable private school)

My manager wanted me to come into the office for 2 days/week. This would mean I leave the house at 6:45 AM to get to work on time by 7:45 for an 8AM start. I was in a supervisory role that required me to train my staff. But we couldn't leave the office once we were there. So that meant I was there for 2 days/week, with my butt in a seat, and then had to compress my staff's training schedule to 3 other days/week. I had five staff in training who all needed extensive support.

So, I quit. I took a significant pay cut and am now making $30/hr in the private sector. I now have fewer retirement contributions but plan to return to a full-time, salaried base position when my son is old enough to stay home alone for a few hours. However, my office is home-based, and I have 2-3 hours of work meetings with clients in the field. I also make my own schedule and work 30 hours/week. My take-home pay is significantly less, but my son is happy to have me drop him off, and I can always be there for sick days. Before, I was scrambling to get everything done.

No sympathy

Had to take care of 2 kids while wife commuted into the city from Burke.

We barely made it. It is tough.

Someone has to have a “mommy job”.

Get over yourself

+1

My wife had to quit her job when our second was born. I had to commute an hour each way because that's what I could afford. Some months were tough and we didn't have enough and had to use the credit card. I kept working hard up get promotions to move closer to work.

I just roll my eyes when people complain that they can't pick up their kids or leave them nn the other room when they're working. Ridiculous.

So, just because you had a hard time when your kids were little you are of the belief that everyone should have hard time? There is total lack of empathy and compassion in this country, no wonder we are where we are.

I am not a Fed but at one time I was a mom with young kids, I commuted 3 hrs everyday, between part time nanny and all ups and downs that come with that arrangement, we barely made it. DH had an equally tough commute. Personally, if I can make life better for parents with young kids, I will and I should. A mom of an elementary schooler on my team has been given 3days WFH instead of our usual 2. This way her husband and her can manage kids without losing their minds, and she is my best performer.

Give people reasons to perform better, to look forward to something positive and they will exceed expectations. We should all support and create a society that provides support to parents and young children. This way when your kids grow up, they won’t have to face what you did.

You clearly made more money than some of us. A part time nanny, let alone a full time nanny would have been more than my take home.

If a part time nanny is more than your take home, you should either be a SAHM or get a different job that pays more. Obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Two income feds are buying million dollar homes.

And how does this hurt you?

Plenty of people saved for major down payments or sold a smaller property to make a down payment. But really it doesn’t actually matter how other people spend their money. You don’t own them.

DP here. It doesn’t matter at all until they insist the reason they can’t RTO is because they can’t afford childcare in their million dollar house. Then it matters. You can’t cry poverty simply because you overspent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Two income feds are buying million dollar homes.

And how does this hurt you?

Plenty of people saved for major down payments or sold a smaller property to make a down payment. But really it doesn’t actually matter how other people spend their money. You don’t own them.

DP here. It doesn’t matter at all until they insist the reason they can’t RTO is because they can’t afford childcare in their million dollar house. Then it matters. You can’t cry poverty simply because you overspent.

The cost of childcare relative to income has outstripped inflation for some time and with dwindling supply has become even more obvious.

You can’t blame people for making decisions in 2018 with 2018 data given the hellscape we’re currently in.

And again, myob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I probably would have hired a nanny in your position for that $2K per month. He will be full time in school by next year and then you're only paying for summer care and before/aftercare.

A nanny for only 2k/month? Good luck with that!

Although, you may be extremely lucky and find someone available/willing to work only from 6:30am to 8:00 am and a bit in the pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Two income feds are buying million dollar homes.

And how does this hurt you?

Plenty of people saved for major down payments or sold a smaller property to make a down payment. But really it doesn’t actually matter how other people spend their money. You don’t own them.

Seriously, so what. Many feds are highly educated think masters degrees and attorneys. They should get paid enough to afford housing the the DC metro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Two income feds are buying million dollar homes.

And how does this hurt you?

Plenty of people saved for major down payments or sold a smaller property to make a down payment. But really it doesn’t actually matter how other people spend their money. You don’t own them.

DP here. It doesn’t matter at all until they insist the reason they can’t RTO is because they can’t afford childcare in their million dollar house. Then it matters. You can’t cry poverty simply because you overspent.

They are saying they shouldn't have to. Even if they can afford the million dollar house, they shouldn't have to. And frankly, it's none of your GD business what they can afford. Some of RTO issues are costs but some are simply quality of life issues. But you corporate sycophants want everyone to be suffering slaving away just like you are. And that makes you a terrible person.

[Anonymous]

I am so lucky to have my village. My father is going to do school run and keep DD until i am back from the city about 5:45 pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Two income feds are buying million dollar homes.

And how does this hurt you?

Plenty of people saved for major down payments or sold a smaller property to make a down payment. But really it doesn’t actually matter how other people spend their money. You don’t own them.

DP here. It doesn’t matter at all until they insist the reason they can’t RTO is because they can’t afford childcare in their million dollar house. Then it matters. You can’t cry poverty simply because you overspent.

I am not a PP who is on here talking about childcare (just so you know). But you cannot possible tell anyone else on an anonymous website what they deserve or don't deserve or can or cannot afford. You have no real information. This is simply you revealing your petty, nasty biases and your complete lack of empathy and decency.

Look around you. What is happening is unnecessary, unfair, and outrageous. People signed workplace flexibility agreements and they are being ignored because....well no actual reason other than the whims of a crazy billionaire megalomaniac. People are losing their jobs that they care about and are good at for...well, no actual reason other than the whims of a crazy billionaire megalomaniac. Who isn't even doing anything beneficial. He's just torturing people to distract from the real grift. They want no oversight of their unethical deeds. They have said outright that they want to traumatize feds. Just regular people doing their jobs. And jerks like you cheer on the traumatizing and abuse of your fellow citizens who have...done nothing to you, while ignoring the real criminals taking apart our government.

Go away jackass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so lucky to have my village. My father is going to do school run and keep DD until i am back from the city about 5:45 pm.

I am happy for you (really, no snark). It is good if some people have help.

[Anonymous]

Kids in Daycare. Husband and I take turns doing pickup. I almost exclusively drop off. Both of our offices know we have to leave to do kid pick up and it's no a big deal. If one of us has a meeting etc, we just work out who's doing what that day. Easy!