Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?

[Anonymous]

My newly separated friend went on a date with a guy at 7:30pm. They met at the bar of a restaurant. Both my friend and her date were obviously hungry as they finished all the bread on the table. Date did not offer any food. Friend went home starving. It's been a while since I've been married for 10 years but most of my dates were for dinner or we'd meet up at a bar/club but it was after dinner time and usually with other people.

Is this guy just not into my friend? Cheap? Poor? Or is this normal to have just drinks?

I think it is fine to go out for drinks but if you meet at 7:30 and clearly both people are hungry, shouldn't you just order food?

[Anonymous]

drinks is fine for first date and better than a long dinner for many reasons...but yes food at least apps should be available

[Anonymous]

Yeah I think it's really rude, especially if I was noticeably hungry.

Would be a deal breaker for me, for sure.

[Anonymous]

meeting for coffee is a good idea too, take it slow!

[Anonymous]

My friend told me that this guy asked her out to dinner, picked the place, and then at the end he asked her to split the bill.

She of course paid without comment, was polite and fine about it.

But when he texted her for another date she calmly explained to him that when he wanted her to split the bill, she assumed they were just friends. He was like, "Oh no, I want to date you..." and she let him know they had no future.

She is from a wealthy family and had made her own money but that kind of rudeness and/or cluelessness sets a definitely bad precedent for how a guy will be in a relationship.

It's a massive red flag. Tell your friend to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I think it's really rude, especially if I was noticeably hungry.

Would be a deal breaker for me, for sure.

My friend is not going on a second date with this guy. My friend's co-worker is the one who introduced them. The guy saw my friend and thought she was really pretty. My friend didn't really want to go but thought it could be fun. She is also new to the dating scene. I told her she should just have ordered some appetizers and paid for it if he did not pick up the tab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I think it's really rude, especially if I was noticeably hungry.

Would be a deal breaker for me, for sure.

My friend is not going on a second date with this guy. My friend's co-worker is the one who introduced them. The guy saw my friend and thought she was really pretty. My friend didn't really want to go but thought it could be fun. She is also new to the dating scene. I told her she should just have ordered some appetizers and paid for it if he did not pick up the tab.

I will never understand men who have big crushes on women and then they aren't willing to put in the work to get them? And treat them like an afterthought, even though THEY WERE THE ONES WHO WANTED THE DATE.

It's crazy.

He sounds like he has a lot to work on and your friend is smart to avoid him.

[Anonymous]

If this happened to me I would be looking at the guy like:




You invite me on a date and then cheap out even though I'm clearly starving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I think it's really rude, especially if I was noticeably hungry.

Would be a deal breaker for me, for sure.

My friend is not going on a second date with this guy. My friend's co-worker is the one who introduced them. The guy saw my friend and thought she was really pretty. My friend didn't really want to go but thought it could be fun. She is also new to the dating scene. I told her she should just have ordered some appetizers and paid for it if he did not pick up the tab.

I will never understand men who have big crushes on women and then they aren't willing to put in the work to get them? And treat them like an afterthought, even though THEY WERE THE ONES WHO WANTED THE DATE.

It's crazy.

He sounds like he has a lot to work on and your friend is smart to avoid him.

This. I had a date like that years ago. The guy was a friend of a friend and we had all met on a group outing. He kept asking me for a date and at the time I was working long hours not getting home until 10 at night and working weekends. Finally, in my limited free time I agreed to go to the movies with him. I met him there and we get to the counter and he said he was short of money and had me pay for my own ticket, used a student ID (although no longer a student) for his ticket. He did offer to split popcorn but I said, that's okay. Then proceeded to hold both my hands at the movie and try to kiss me goodnight when he walked me to my car. That was the first and last date with that guy.

So back to the OP's question drinks on the first date are fine ...you want to keep it low key so there isn't a lot of pressure etc. While I do hope the guy pays (assuming he did the inviting) on the first date, I would actuallly prefer if it was a low cost meet up so I don't feel bad if there is zero chemistry IRL. Depending on the situation, 7:30pm may have been too early for just drinks. Probably 8 or 8:30 with clearly enough time to eat dinner and then meet out would have been better. It's like when you plan a play date or a kids birthday party if you don't want to provide a meal you make a time where it is reasonable to assume a meal won't be provided like meeting at 1:30 or 2:00pm. You never want to make plans during a mealtime and not provide food or a way for people to politely be able to eat even if you aren't eating. People get cranky when they are hungry and annoyed when you plan something during a mealtime and they are stuck until the event/meeting is over to get food.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. Drinks are fine for a first date, preferable actually if you don't already know the person at least somewhat well through work/friends/whatever, but he should have specified that it was "drinks" beforehand so she would have known to eat (and presumably, he should have too, if drinks were all he was intending). Since your friend is new to dating again though, tell her to eat something small or a late, large lunch so she doesn't wind up in this situation again when she's going out for dates that may or may not include dinner. Also, as someone else suggested, she could have just suggested she order an appetizer or two (as long as she wasn't expecting him to pay - I think it's nice if he does, but she should not order anything she doesn't at least intend to pay for - if he offers, she can then accept.)

[Anonymous]

Drinks were fine. But I'm confused as to why there was bread on the table if they weren't there for dinner. Was the bread an appetizer?

It would be weird to be seated for dinner, get served complimentary bread and then only order drinks. That I would not be happy about it because that would be awkward and cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I think it's really rude, especially if I was noticeably hungry.

Would be a deal breaker for me, for sure.

My friend is not going on a second date with this guy. My friend's co-worker is the one who introduced them. The guy saw my friend and thought she was really pretty. My friend didn't really want to go but thought it could be fun. She is also new to the dating scene. I told her she should just have ordered some appetizers and paid for it if he did not pick up the tab.

She must not have liked the guy if she is going to dump him over not getting a free dinner. She sounds like a bit of a princess. High maintenance.

[Anonymous]

That's pretty normal these days. I always order something because if I drink on an empty stomach, I'll get too drunk to drive. I think it's cheap for a guy to invite someone out for just a drink.

[Anonymous]

I think just drinks or even just coffee is fine for the first date. As in general, men still carry most of the financial burden for dating (please see posts above for proof of this), it could get awfully expensive for them to shell out hundreds of dollars on first dates that never get any further.

I'm surprised it wasn't clear when the date was arranged, that it was just for drinks? Any date I've been on, it was basically clear Ie. "Why don't we meet for a drink on Thursday night?".

If she was starving, she has a tongue and is an adult, I assume, and could have ordered an app herself. I do find it weird that it wasnt offered as part of the date (because sharing a little food is a great tension breaker), but maybe he wasn't hungry aside from the bread. Maybe drinks was only an hour of time and he didn't think food was necessary.

Friend can speak up and not play games like "appearing" ravenous and hoping date will order food.

Oh, and before I get accused of being MRA or something, I'm a female. And if I'm hungry, I order and pay for my own food.

[Anonymous]

I'm another woman who thinks if she was hungry she should have ordered food. If I was invited to go out for drinks at 7:30, I'd either eat before I showed up or say "Hey, I'm really hungry, I'm going to order some food."