Normal to do just drinks for 1st date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she was hungry, why not order at least an appetizer? Or was she only allowing him to order for the both of them, without having a voice of her own? So weird. We're women, not children.

I further don't understand the women that won't give a guy a second date because they split the bill the first time. Let's focus on priorities here, ladies.

I agree. To me it would be a turnoff to know that a woman was sitting there hungry, not saying anything, because she was waiting for me to say: "The lady will have..."

A guy who doesn't buy you dinner just isn't that into you. My male friends have said they know they are not into a girl if they want to pay by 3rd date or so. You are either hitting it off, have some physical interaction or at least wanting to f&*k by the 3rd date.

How can he be into her? It was the first date? This is why a first date should be limited to drinks or coffee.

[Anonymous]

I have nothing to really offer because I have never dated, and I just find these threads fascinating and illuminating.

But if I were dating, I would not want the guy to pay for a first date; I wouldn't want him to think I owed him anything.

And drinks would be best. i don't want to sit through a first date trying to talk and shovel food in my mouth.

Maybe that's because I am an old married and I am used pigging out around the spouse!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have nothing to really offer because I have never dated, and I just find these threads fascinating and illuminating.

But if I were dating, I would not want the guy to pay for a first date; I wouldn't want him to think I owed him anything.

And drinks would be best. i don't want to sit through a first date trying to talk and shovel food in my mouth.

Maybe that's because I am an old married and I am used pigging out around the spouse!

Dear Anna Duggar, You should get out there and try dating. It's not as bad as DCUM makes it sound, and it's much better than what you have now!

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine being in a relationship with a person so incapable of taking care of their basic needs that they can't say, "I'm starving, I'm going to order some food."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have nothing to really offer because I have never dated, and I just find these threads fascinating and illuminating.

But if I were dating, I would not want the guy to pay for a first date; I wouldn't want him to think I owed him anything.

And drinks would be best. i don't want to sit through a first date trying to talk and shovel food in my mouth.

Maybe that's because I am an old married and I am used pigging out around the spouse!

How did you get married if you never dated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have nothing to really offer because I have never dated, and I just find these threads fascinating and illuminating.

But if I were dating, I would not want the guy to pay for a first date; I wouldn't want him to think I owed him anything.

And drinks would be best. i don't want to sit through a first date trying to talk and shovel food in my mouth.

Maybe that's because I am an old married and I am used pigging out around the spouse!

Dear Anna Duggar, You should get out there and try dating. It's not as bad as DCUM makes it sound, and it's much better than what you have now!

I am okay, thanks. I met my husband almost thirty years ago while we were in high school, and things seemed to have worked out. If you can believe it, I have advanced degrees, a career, one child, and a fuck ton of fun. I have just never dated. Sue me. But I do believe my opinion may be less informed than those in the scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:women should never eat on the first date. it give the wrong impression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have nothing to really offer because I have never dated, and I just find these threads fascinating and illuminating.

But if I were dating, I would not want the guy to pay for a first date; I wouldn't want him to think I owed him anything.

And drinks would be best. i don't want to sit through a first date trying to talk and shovel food in my mouth.

Maybe that's because I am an old married and I am used pigging out around the spouse!

Dear Anna Duggar, You should get out there and try dating. It's not as bad as DCUM makes it sound, and it's much better than what you have now!

I am okay, thanks. I met my husband almost thirty years ago while we were in high school, and things seemed to have worked out. If you can believe it, I have advanced degrees, a career, one child, and a f--- ton of fun. I have just never dated. Sue me. But I do believe my opinion may be less informed than those in the scene.

You dated your husband, pre-marriage, that counts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have nothing to really offer because I have never dated, and I just find these threads fascinating and illuminating.

But if I were dating, I would not want the guy to pay for a first date; I wouldn't want him to think I owed him anything.

And drinks would be best. i don't want to sit through a first date trying to talk and shovel food in my mouth.

Maybe that's because I am an old married and I am used pigging out around the spouse!

Dear Anna Duggar, You should get out there and try dating. It's not as bad as DCUM makes it sound, and it's much better than what you have now!

I am okay, thanks. I met my husband almost thirty years ago while we were in high school, and things seemed to have worked out. If you can believe it, I have advanced degrees, a career, one child, and a f--- ton of fun. I have just never dated. Sue me. But I do believe my opinion may be less informed than those in the scene.

You dated your husband, pre-marriage, that counts.

You're right. But I was 14 and our dates were limited to his mom driving us to a movie, make out sessions in my basement, homecomings, and group date/hangs at the all night diner.
But I do have enough friends who have dated as adults, and none of them liked the man to pay on the first date. It is split on whether they want to sit through an entire meal. Some find it relaxing, others who have had stinker dates have describe d long meals as tortuous. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I think it's really rude, especially if I was noticeably hungry.

Would be a deal breaker for me, for sure.

My friend is not going on a second date with this guy. My friend's co-worker is the one who introduced them. The guy saw my friend and thought she was really pretty. My friend didn't really want to go but thought it could be fun. She is also new to the dating scene. I told her she should just have ordered some appetizers and paid for it if he did not pick up the tab.

I will never understand men who have big crushes on women and then they aren't willing to put in the work to get them? And treat them like an afterthought, even though THEY WERE THE ONES WHO WANTED THE DATE.

It's crazy.

He sounds like he has a lot to work on and your friend is smart to avoid him.

This. I had a date like that years ago. The guy was a friend of a friend and we had all met on a group outing. He kept asking me for a date and at the time I was working long hours not getting home until 10 at night and working weekends. Finally, in my limited free time I agreed to go to the movies with him. I met him there and we get to the counter and he said he was short of money and had me pay for my own ticket, used a student ID (although no longer a student) for his ticket. He did offer to split popcorn but I said, that's okay. Then proceeded to hold both my hands at the movie and try to kiss me goodnight when he walked me to my car. That was the first and last date with that guy.

So back to the OP's question drinks on the first date are fine ...you want to keep it low key so there isn't a lot of pressure etc. While I do hope the guy pays (assuming he did the inviting) on the first date, I would actuallly prefer if it was a low cost meet up so I don't feel bad if there is zero chemistry IRL. Depending on the situation, 7:30pm may have been too early for just drinks. Probably 8 or 8:30 with clearly enough time to eat dinner and then meet out would have been better. It's like when you plan a play date or a kids birthday party if you don't want to provide a meal you make a time where it is reasonable to assume a meal won't be provided like meeting at 1:30 or 2:00pm. You never want to make plans during a mealtime and not provide food or a way for people to politely be able to eat even if you aren't eating. People get cranky when they are hungry and annoyed when you plan something during a mealtime and they are stuck until the event/meeting is over to get food.

Sorry for the aside. When you organize a playdate, there is no expectation food will be provided. In a birthday party, when you are expecting a gift, food has to be provided, regardless of what time of the day you host the birthday party.

It is perfectly fine to just serve cake in a birthday party, when you specify that you will be hosting it like a playdate and tell your guests not to get any gifts.

[Anonymous]

Actually it's possible to get married to a guy without dating him. Dh & I started hanging out together - playing music, watching t.v., sometimes cooking or ordering pizza, occasionally going out to bars - as platonic friends with other friends. In fact, both dh and I were dating other people, my ex boyfriend was around quite a bit. Long story short, he broke up with the girl he was seeing and I broke up with my boyfriend. And within 6 months we had fallen for each other. The sparks had always been there we just finally acted on them.

We actually had gotten our own place together before we ever went out to a movie or to dinner. We're married and our kids are teenagers now - we still enjoy just hanging out together, playing music, cooking. Wouldn't have it any other way.

[Anonymous]

"Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My newly separated friend went on a date with a guy at 7:30pm. They met at the bar of a restaurant. Both my friend and her date were obviously hungry as they finished all the bread on the table. Date did not offer any food. Friend went home starving. It's been a while since I've been married for 10 years but most of my dates were for dinner or we'd meet up at a bar/club but it was after dinner time and usually with other people.

Is this guy just not into my friend? Cheap? Poor? Or is this normal to have just drinks?

I think it is fine to go out for drinks but if you meet at 7:30 and clearly both people are hungry, shouldn't you just order food?

Tell your newly separated friend she can order the god damn food if she's hungry. Nothing is stopping her from doing this, other than the preconceived notion that women entitled to a dating gravy train where men pay for everything.

This is why I say to women when setting up dates:

ME: What time are you eating dinner?
HER: Uh, 7 pm?
ME: Great! See you at the bar at 8:30!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend told me that this guy asked her out to dinner, picked the place, and then at the end he asked her to split the bill.

She of course paid without comment, was polite and fine about it.

But when he texted her for another date she calmly explained to him that when he wanted her to split the bill, she assumed they were just friends. He was like, "Oh no, I want to date you..." and she let him know they had no future.

She is from a wealthy family and had made her own money but that kind of rudeness and/or cluelessness sets a definitely bad precedent for how a guy will be in a relationship.

It's a massive red flag. Tell your friend to move on.

So, your friend is a whore? Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I will never understand men who have big crushes on women and then they aren't willing to put in the work to get them? And treat them like an afterthought, even though THEY WERE THE ONES WHO WANTED THE DATE.

It's crazy.

He sounds like he has a lot to work on and your friend is smart to avoid him.

Oh, so "the work" = "spend money on me?" Sorry, I prefer to date women who value my companionship more than my wallet.