Divorcing a stay-at-home dad

[Anonymous]

Once you do go through the divorce buy him lots of wine!

The court will clearly see who is the fit parent.

[Anonymous]

I paid a lump sum alimony to my stay at home ex. We did not have any kids.

[Anonymous]

OP I would first threaten him with divorce. Tell him you will retain an attorney if he doesn't stop drinking and get a job. Maybe you can coerce him if you show him pre-file papers.

No, don’t bother. He’s an addict. He can’t change. File and get it done.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know someone who did this in a very similar situation. Before filing, she quietly gathered a lot of evidence of his drinking - receipts, empty beer cans, even an email from daycare stating the husband was visibly intoxicated during pickup (walking, not by car, or they probably would have called the cops). She did have to pay him quite a bit of money - buy him out of the house, give him part of her retirement. He was awarded alimony for 1 year and that was a few years ago, so that's done with. She says it was 100% worth it to dump the worthless deadbeat and wishes she'd done it sooner. She now has an amazing boyfriend and a happy home and kid.

[Anonymous]

She also has public records DUIs.

I would get him out of my life, what a boat anchor!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She also has public records DUIs.

I would get him out of my life, what a boat anchor!

Probably won't help her since it happened 7 years ago.

[Anonymous]

I meant to say: if he's blowing $700/mo on his habits anyway then you're already paying a kind of alimony -- might as well pay AND not have to smell him, you know?

[Anonymous]

What is his life expectancy given his current trajectory? Might be cheaper to wait

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What is his life expectancy given his current trajectory? Might be cheaper to wait

Plus get a FWB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I would first threaten him with divorce. Tell him you will retain an attorney if he doesn't stop drinking and get a job. Maybe you can coerce him if you show him pre-file papers.

Once he gets a job file for divorce so you won't have to pay him anything. Yes document the drinking and use it in court for full custody. That is a big safety concern for your child, and they will likely do a child interview as well. If you have a retirement best to divorce because he will get his portion. Half for the duration of your marriage.

A friend of mine tried that with his garbage alcoholic stay-in-bed-mom wife. That night she threw away about 20 bottles of liquor and the next morning she hired a lawyer. She didn't drink again until the divorce was complete. Despite being worthless garbage she got a better custody deal and a lot more money than she deserved.

OP's hubby might be a bum but he's smarter than most guys and threatening him might backfire.

[Anonymous]

Yes the courts are giving men alimony and child support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Yes the courts are giving men alimony and child support

Even in 2020?

Why bump this thread to give DCUM legal advice

[Anonymous]

Yes you’ll have to sell the house and split all assets including pensions.
I would do what my ass..e exH did:

1. Get terminated from your job
2. Fight for sole custody
3. If no full custody right away, wait till son so he wouldn’t want to spend time with dad and re-file again in a year or two to reduce CS after documenting that son lives with you

Good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read the SAHM mom thread. Lots of women believe permanent alimony is justified. They argue all of their sacrifice and contributions are what enabled their husband’s career success, so they deserve a lifetime of repayment while they play tennis and co-habitate (but avoid remarrying which would end the support payments).

So if you weren’t on that thread disagreeing then it only seems fair that a SAHD should likewise be supported by his ex wife.

lol

[Anonymous]

Go for full custody. He will spiral. You and kid need out of this. Give him alimony for 2 years. That's enough for him to get on his feet, or not.