How common is it for lawyers to have affairs with paralegals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never happened in my 18 years in biglaw..

Maybe thirty years ago? I assume it happened. But not anymore. What’s changed? Paralegals used to be omnipresent in big law. Now you might have a few paralegals assigned to litigation, but all of the other hordes of paralegals have been replaced by associates and computers. I’m a transactional attorney, and we don’t use paralegals anymore. In fact, I needed one a couple years ago, and it was near impossible to find one in my firm - when I did, she was super old and highly incompetent, and screwed something up in a royal way. It’s the only time I have ever been yelled at by a client in my whole career!

Also, like in most professions, the split between the haves and have nots has grown in thirty years. Lawyers reside firmly in the one percent, while paralegals have two year associate degrees. There’s not a whole lot of natural interplay between those two classes anymore. Which is why ppl above re noting that lawyers date lawyers, but not paralegals.

Also, as much as tv likes to suggest otherwise, my experience with biglaw is that most layers are at least aspirationally very into their families and generally being pretty decent people. Sometimes long hours puts pressure on that. And in nyc, I notice a bit more bravado among male lawyers. But most lawyers are just former nerds who are trying to do good work and put in their hours, so they can get home to their spouse and kids. They’re not into sexual power plays in the office or triggering sexual harassment lawsuits. I’m sure examples exist of inappropriate behaviors, but I’m not super aware.

Lol, “lawyers reside firmly in the one percent.” Maybe Big Law partners who represent Exxon do, but the median income for an attorney in the United States is $135,000 per year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a lawyer who married the secretary. They ended up getting divorced as they had nothing in common. Secretary had high school, lawyer had law degree.

They have 2 kids together and still talk every day.

Gonna go out on a limb and take a wild guess that you’re a woman — only a self-important woman trying to justify her own worth would say that a lawyer would divorce a secretary because she only had a high school education and therefore nothing to talk about.

My parents have been happily married for over 40 years — my dad has a PhD and my mom has an associate’s degree. Ladies, please, please, please try to understand that men value in their partner the following: 1) looks, 2) kindness, and 3) an enthusiasm for sex. Men don’t care about your degree or your job title, despite how much you base your self-worth on those things.

[Anonymous]

I once saw a movie about a lawyer who married his secretary, but first he put her through a series of emotional and physical tests....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never happened in my 18 years in biglaw..

Maybe thirty years ago? I assume it happened. But not anymore. What’s changed? Paralegals used to be omnipresent in big law. Now you might have a few paralegals assigned to litigation, but all of the other hordes of paralegals have been replaced by associates and computers. I’m a transactional attorney, and we don’t use paralegals anymore. In fact, I needed one a couple years ago, and it was near impossible to find one in my firm - when I did, she was super old and highly incompetent, and screwed something up in a royal way. It’s the only time I have ever been yelled at by a client in my whole career!

Also, like in most professions, the split between the haves and have nots has grown in thirty years. Lawyers reside firmly in the one percent, while paralegals have two year associate degrees. There’s not a whole lot of natural interplay between those two classes anymore. Which is why ppl above re noting that lawyers date lawyers, but not paralegals.

Also, as much as tv likes to suggest otherwise, my experience with biglaw is that most layers are at least aspirationally very into their families and generally being pretty decent people. Sometimes long hours puts pressure on that. And in nyc, I notice a bit more bravado among male lawyers. But most lawyers are just former nerds who are trying to do good work and put in their hours, so they can get home to their spouse and kids. They’re not into sexual power plays in the office or triggering sexual harassment lawsuits. I’m sure examples exist of inappropriate behaviors, but I’m not super aware.

Lol, “lawyers reside firmly in the one percent.” Maybe Big Law partners who represent Exxon do, but the median income for an attorney in the United States is $135,000 per year.

Sorry should have been more clear. Per my first line, my experience is in big law. First year associates make I think $300k now so every lawyer in biglaw is definitely in the one percent. Agree that at smaller firms, they money - and also the culture - is less of a gap between lawyers and paras and admin. I even speculated on some posts above that cited lawyers dating admins that it was at a small firm. It just doesn’t happen in big law anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lawyer who married the secretary. They ended up getting divorced as they had nothing in common. Secretary had high school, lawyer had law degree.

They have 2 kids together and still talk every day.

Gonna go out on a limb and take a wild guess that you’re a woman — only a self-important woman trying to justify her own worth would say that a lawyer would divorce a secretary because she only had a high school education and therefore nothing to talk about.

My parents have been happily married for over 40 years — my dad has a PhD and my mom has an associate’s degree. Ladies, please, please, please try to understand that men value in their partner the following: 1) looks, 2) kindness, and 3) an enthusiasm for sex. Men don’t care about your degree or your job title, despite how much you base your self-worth on those things.

Your dad sounds like a real winner. Where can I sign up for a dude who’s only with me for my looks, vagina and because I make him dinner, et I mean “am kind”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happens just as much as a dentist and dental hygienist

I haven’t seen a male dentist in over 20 years. Do young guys even become dentists any more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lawyer who married the secretary. They ended up getting divorced as they had nothing in common. Secretary had high school, lawyer had law degree.

They have 2 kids together and still talk every day.

Gonna go out on a limb and take a wild guess that you’re a woman — only a self-important woman trying to justify her own worth would say that a lawyer would divorce a secretary because she only had a high school education and therefore nothing to talk about.

My parents have been happily married for over 40 years — my dad has a PhD and my mom has an associate’s degree. Ladies, please, please, please try to understand that men value in their partner the following: 1) looks, 2) kindness, and 3) an enthusiasm for sex. Men don’t care about your degree or your job title, despite how much you base your self-worth on those things.

Your dad sounds like a real winner. Where can I sign up for a dude who’s only with me for my looks, vagina and because I make him dinner, et I mean “am kind”.

Hey that would work for me. The majority of “educated” women vastly overrate their powers of conversation. They don’t even know anything about the Roman Empire ffs. Just shut up and make me a sammich already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once saw a movie about a lawyer who married his secretary, but first he put her through a series of emotional and physical tests....

[Anonymous]

XW was a paralegal who became obsessed with her lawyer boss. I doubt anything physical happened - in fact I don't think he was even aware of her literally crazy obsession. But even if it did, he sure didn't leave his wife for her. It's just too bad her midlife crisis was so hurtful for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lawyer who married the secretary. They ended up getting divorced as they had nothing in common. Secretary had high school, lawyer had law degree.

They have 2 kids together and still talk every day.

Gonna go out on a limb and take a wild guess that you’re a woman — only a self-important woman trying to justify her own worth would say that a lawyer would divorce a secretary because she only had a high school education and therefore nothing to talk about.

My parents have been happily married for over 40 years — my dad has a PhD and my mom has an associate’s degree. Ladies, please, please, please try to understand that men value in their partner the following: 1) looks, 2) kindness, and 3) an enthusiasm for sex. Men don’t care about your degree or your job title, despite how much you base your self-worth on those things.

Your dad sounds like a real winner. Where can I sign up for a dude who’s only with me for my looks, vagina and because I make him dinner, et I mean “am kind”.

Well if you think she is wrong, how is being a boss bit&ch working out for you? Are you happily married to a successful man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:men value in their partner the following: 1) looks, 2) kindness, and 3) an enthusiasm for sex. Men don’t care about your degree or your job title, despite how much you base your self-worth on those things.

This is probably mostly true for men who are middle-aged and divorced after a long marriage. Having to start over after years of an unsatisfying marriage, they just want something simple and fun. You can ask my father, who divorced my mother after 22 years so he could become Husband #4 to his high school sweetheart. Wife #2 is pretty and easygoing and lets him call the shots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been a legal secretary for 21 years. I've literally NEVER heard of that happening.

I do hope you are being sarcastic. It was rampant in every firm that I worked in as lawyer and I felt like bait for the partners as a young paralegal pre law-school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew a male paralegal that dated a female associate.

And I've known some male attorneys that hired attractive female paralegals as eye candy.

But I've never known a male attorney that dated or had an affair with a female paralegal.

I was a young, female paralegal and married a partner 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most DC nerdy lawyers are way, way too afraid of being sued for sexual harassment to have a sexual relationship with someone who is not his equivalent.
This was not the case 20 years ago, so times have changed. It may have been more common back then.

When you earn high six figures and sleep with someone making a fraction of that, you have to be worried about child support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During my legal career, I only worked with paralegals when I did a stint with a tiny law firm. And my husband rarely works with paralegals, and if he does it's over the phone. He spends much, much more time with junior associates.

People have workplace affairs with people they work with, so I would think it's just way more common for an attorney to have an affair with another attorney. And there is the whole issue of wanting to avoid a sexual harassment suit as well, so that makes sleeping with a paralegal that much less likely in 2024.

This. Attorneys spend the most time with other attorneys, and if they travel, they travel with other attorneys and not paralegals.