How common is it for lawyers to have affairs with paralegals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:men value in their partner the following: 1) looks, 2) kindness, and 3) an enthusiasm for sex. Men don’t care about your degree or your job title, despite how much you base your self-worth on those things.

This is probably mostly true for men who are middle-aged and divorced after a long marriage. Having to start over after years of an unsatisfying marriage, they just want something simple and fun. You can ask my father, who divorced my mother after 22 years so he could become Husband #4 to his high school sweetheart. Wife #2 is pretty and easygoing and lets him call the shots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been a legal secretary for 21 years. I've literally NEVER heard of that happening.

I do hope you are being sarcastic. It was rampant in every firm that I worked in as lawyer and I felt like bait for the partners as a young paralegal pre law-school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew a male paralegal that dated a female associate.

And I've known some male attorneys that hired attractive female paralegals as eye candy.

But I've never known a male attorney that dated or had an affair with a female paralegal.

I was a young, female paralegal and married a partner 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most DC nerdy lawyers are way, way too afraid of being sued for sexual harassment to have a sexual relationship with someone who is not his equivalent.
This was not the case 20 years ago, so times have changed. It may have been more common back then.

When you earn high six figures and sleep with someone making a fraction of that, you have to be worried about child support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During my legal career, I only worked with paralegals when I did a stint with a tiny law firm. And my husband rarely works with paralegals, and if he does it's over the phone. He spends much, much more time with junior associates.

People have workplace affairs with people they work with, so I would think it's just way more common for an attorney to have an affair with another attorney. And there is the whole issue of wanting to avoid a sexual harassment suit as well, so that makes sleeping with a paralegal that much less likely in 2024.

This. Attorneys spend the most time with other attorneys, and if they travel, they travel with other attorneys and not paralegals.

[Anonymous]

I can tell you it IS NOT hot. Whoever has been with a lawyer— followed by others —can tell you there sadly is really nothing to talk about. I am going to generalize and say they are not creative.

I am sad for the young women who stop-and-stay at the lawyer part of the buffet.

[Anonymous]

It was more common in the 80s and 90s based on all of the stories I’ve heard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you it IS NOT hot. Whoever has been with a lawyer— followed by others —can tell you there sadly is really nothing to talk about. I am going to generalize and say they are not creative.

I am sad for the young women who stop-and-stay at the lawyer part of the buffet.

Ok, but early 20s paralegals aren’t either. They’re not very interesting, and if they weren’t hot most men wouldn’t even talk to them at all.

[Anonymous]

+1 Agree.

[Anonymous]

Lawyers are notoriously selfish and self-congratulatory. It comes with their training. They would probably date themselves if they could. By definition, this makes them poor at intimacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is generally considered kind of sleazy for a lawyer to date a paralegal

It's not a great idea, but it is not always completely sleazy. If a 26 yr old associate is dating a 24 yr old paralegal who he doesn't work with isn't the end of the world, especially at a bigger firm where it will easier to stay professionally separate.

My husband is an attorney, and I was a paralegal in his group when we met 18 years ago. We’ve been married 15 and are still very happy.

[Anonymous]

Why?

I never saw it happen while I was practicing. I saw plenty of attorneys take up with each other, however (married and not married).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why?

I never saw it happen while I was practicing. I saw plenty of attorneys take up with each other, however (married and not married).

PP ^^ here. Lol, it dawns on me I shouldn't take that tone about lawyers who "take up with each other," given that DH and I met at work and we are both lawyers. We were both single though!

I'll add that I worked as a trial attorney at DOJ for about 10 years before I quit practicing, and I never really figured out what the heck it was that the paralegals did. Like a PP here, I did try to use one once (to put together a complicated timeline), and they screwed it up -- so I never used one again. We had two of them for our section of about 20 lawyers.

[Anonymous]

I was a legal assistant in BigLaw for two years between law school and college. I dated two associates in that time. We didn’t run to share with HR, but people knew about it and it wasn’t a big deal. I’m surprised people are saying they never heard of anything like this happening. Are you being sarcastic?

[Anonymous]

Am I right about their comparative intimacy skills?