Gloating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I love this for you!!

There was a woman in my extended circle that was an extended breast feeder (which is nasty on its own) who was positively nasty to me (and many others) about formula feeding. The things this woman said, my god.

Anyway, cut to the future, she got breast cancer and had to have a double mastectomy and her teenaged kid is a gosh darned mess. I don’t feel gloaty on a personal level but I can’t help but thinking karma came for her.

Wow! You are awful! To be glad she got breast cancer and had to have a double mastectomy?!

I am not this poster but did this PP say she was glad this woman has breast cancer? She didn’t.

When bad things happen to people, you reflect on what kind of person they were/are and your reaction to them and their struggles follows accordingly. Some of you seem so shook by that reality and I wonder why.

First pp here, and exactly. I am not glad she got cancer (she’s in remission by the way). But it certainly made me think back to how nasty and judgy she was to people who couldn’t or wouldn’t breastfeed, and the awful things she said when I was in the throes of post Partum and struggling. Lots of things about how my kid would be doing so poorly in the future due to not being breastfed, and how amazing breastfeeding is for mom’s health. And she made lots of gloaty comments about how own “sucess” in breastfeeding.

[Anonymous]

Where is the line between “she got cancer and a double mastectomy? Karma!” and gloating? I am struggling to find the difference. Perhaps someone can help me out by explaining.

[Anonymous]

I am with you OP. I have been there. Though my DC was not SN. There are nasty people who judge us and our children based on their own beliefs. They also think they control the outcome based on their current circumstances and think they have it all figured out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is the line between “she got cancer and a double mastectomy? Karma!” and gloating? I am struggling to find the difference. Perhaps someone can help me out by explaining.

Let me try again in smaller words. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s hard not to think that it might be karma. Especially in Ops case where the woman mocked her child and then that woman’s child is not not doing well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I love this for you!!

There was a woman in my extended circle that was an extended breast feeder (which is nasty on its own) who was positively nasty to me (and many others) about formula feeding. The things this woman said, my god.

Anyway, cut to the future, she got breast cancer and had to have a double mastectomy and her teenaged kid is a gosh darned mess. I don’t feel gloaty on a personal level but I can’t help but thinking karma came for her.

Wow! You are awful! To be glad she got breast cancer and had to have a double mastectomy?!

Agreed. That poster is a horrible person. Also if someone wants to do extended bfing, it's no one business but the owner of the breasts. I would not be interested but I would never refer to it as nasty. What an ignoramus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is the line between “she got cancer and a double mastectomy? Karma!” and gloating? I am struggling to find the difference. Perhaps someone can help me out by explaining.

Let me try again in smaller words. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s hard not to think that it might be karma. Especially in Ops case where the woman mocked her child and then that woman’s child is not not doing well

I mean, for the poster to think some rude comments (that may or may not even have been directed towards her) could come back around as karma as breast cancer is pretty nasty work. And you seem cut from the same cloth trying to rationalize it (although I assume you’re that original poster)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you perhaps misunderstand her concern years ago, OP? As you describe it here, I feel it was genuine. Also, in the light of her own child dropping out, I think years ago she may have been connecting because she secretly knew her child had a vulnerability.

There are many reasons why a parent wouldn't share that their own child also has issues, and sometimes it's because their spouse is in denial and is forcing a blanket moratorium on the topic. My oldest child has a combination of diagnoses, and I have recognized the same issues in some of his peers, yet their parents are often in denial. Usually the father truly is, and the mother is hesitant about forcing an evaluation and treatment, and therefore does not feel comfortable sharing any of her concerns with outsiders. These are the sort of children who tend to struggle as adults, because they've never received the treatments they needed.


So no, I certainly wouldn't gloat. I would feel sorry for her and her child.

I did not misunderstand her "concerns". She thought students with learning disabilities should be kept separate from their neurotypical peers. She voiced it more than once. "Why are THEY even trying?" Her DS and mine were in the same Honors class, and she found it so strange. It was incomprehensible to her that all SN children are different, some have more stamina than others.

Most parents with kids with disabilities experience this throughout their kid's academic careers. People are ignorant and people are rude. Anyone who thinks this is an unusual or rare occurrence has his/her head in the sand. I ran into a vile parent my kid and I had to deal with in late es. Her kid was a bully and hurt my child fairly seriously. The parent treated my kid like trash and made insulting comments about kids with disabilities ruining schools every time she saw me. I ran into her in public when our kids were hs aged. Our kids were at different schools post es. She unloaded on me about the problems her kid was having. I'm very kind and everyone dumps their problems on me. We were at a store and I stared at her like she had 3 heads, smirked and walked away. No one will make me feel bad about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is the line between “she got cancer and a double mastectomy? Karma!” and gloating? I am struggling to find the difference. Perhaps someone can help me out by explaining.

Let me try again in smaller words. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s hard not to think that it might be karma. Especially in Ops case where the woman mocked her child and then that woman’s child is not not doing well

And where is the line between “gloating” and what you describe? The cancer-is-karma pp specifically said she wasn’t gloating. I’m trying to understand what the difference is.

You can use small words, or big words; that’s up to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is the line between “she got cancer and a double mastectomy? Karma!” and gloating? I am struggling to find the difference. Perhaps someone can help me out by explaining.

Let me try again in smaller words. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s hard not to think that it might be karma. Especially in Ops case where the woman mocked her child and then that woman’s child is not not doing well

And where is the line between “gloating” and what you describe? The cancer-is-karma pp specifically said she wasn’t gloating. I’m trying to understand what the difference is.

You can use small words, or big words; that’s up to you.

BTW, I have a 2E kid with a chronic disease. My kid has been through it in more ways than I will describe here. And I still can’t imagine responding to someone’s cancer diagnosis and double mastectomy the way pp did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you perhaps misunderstand her concern years ago, OP? As you describe it here, I feel it was genuine. Also, in the light of her own child dropping out, I think years ago she may have been connecting because she secretly knew her child had a vulnerability.

There are many reasons why a parent wouldn't share that their own child also has issues, and sometimes it's because their spouse is in denial and is forcing a blanket moratorium on the topic. My oldest child has a combination of diagnoses, and I have recognized the same issues in some of his peers, yet their parents are often in denial. Usually the father truly is, and the mother is hesitant about forcing an evaluation and treatment, and therefore does not feel comfortable sharing any of her concerns with outsiders. These are the sort of children who tend to struggle as adults, because they've never received the treatments they needed.


So no, I certainly wouldn't gloat. I would feel sorry for her and her child.

I did not misunderstand her "concerns". She thought students with learning disabilities should be kept separate from their neurotypical peers. She voiced it more than once. "Why are THEY even trying?" Her DS and mine were in the same Honors class, and she found it so strange. It was incomprehensible to her that all SN children are different, some have more stamina than others.

I find it hard to believe you’d stay friends with a woman who so blatantly insulted your child to your face on so many occasions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is the line between “she got cancer and a double mastectomy? Karma!” and gloating? I am struggling to find the difference. Perhaps someone can help me out by explaining.

Let me try again in smaller words. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s hard not to think that it might be karma. Especially in Ops case where the woman mocked her child and then that woman’s child is not not doing well

When bad things happen to you, do you think you deserve them and it's karma? Because 9f not, be honest--you're gloating.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine for OP.yo gloat for just a little while. That's what the other mom.www doing to her when their kids were in high school anyhow.

Once you've got the gloating out of your system OP, move on from these people and don't give them a second thought again.

[Anonymous]

I think karma helps keep people humble. No need to be smug, but gloating is ok. I have been in similar situations. In our case as a young naive mom who thought my kids were "winning" at life all to come to a screeching halt at different times in their lives, and then trying very hard to support and meet my kids where they were at. It was humbling. Now, as we come out on the other side, I do see things happen for a reason and some people absolutely do suck and in the end, they just aren't worth your time. Good for you OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ran into a Mom I knew when my ASD DS went to HS. Back then she was very condescending to me, as in "ooh, poor you, you have a child with disabilities. He won't amount to much." She treated my DS as if he was damaged goods and so did her DS and his friends. She would say things like, "oh, are you sure he should be doing this (like be in HN classes or academic clubs)? Isn't this too much for him?" Well, my DS has successfully graduated from college with an engineering degree, has a job, and his own place. You should've seen her face when I told her. Her DS dropped out of college after his Freshman year and has been living at home all this time.

I will gloat. My "problem child" did not fail to launch. Her star athlete did. To all those who doubt children like mine: FU.

Happy for you and for him!!! I have been through the same thing. Mine is still in college, but my goodness can be people be condescending. So many stories, but there is one mom in particular who was brutal with her rude comments. One of her perfect superstars boys has needed a special high school program due to his extreme bullying behavior and enough of the victim's parents complaining. Nut did not fall far from the tree (yes, I know that is not the saying at all and I normally would never pick on a minor, but that boy was capable of intense cruelty and could be physical).

[Anonymous]

OP I have noticed those people fall the hardest. Those who were kind and appropriate with me about my child with SN have faced life challenges and challenges with their own kids along the way and they rolled with it and reached out for support.The ones who were really nasty seemed to fall apart when their "perfect children" hit bumps or got very derailed. I feel for their kids because often they are just as rude to their own kids when they don't make the grade.

My own mother was really condescending to other people and obsessed with one of my sister's and her accomplishments. That sister is a disaster due to her own mean girl behavior and everything that happens as a result of her behavior (e.g. divorce due to cheating) throws my mother over the edge.