Almost 13yo son– violent over video games, refusing meds. What now?

[Anonymous]

OP, what is his diagnosis? I am terrified that you haven’t even sought one yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is his diagnosis? I am terrified that you haven’t even sought one yet.

ADHD Combined type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I have a friend whose son was addicted to video games and violent tantrums if it was taken away. No divorce and her and her DH are very stable, so it happens to those been not in your situation. I hope that makes you feel better.

Ultimately they tried a lot of different things to varying degrees of success, including therapy, no-screen sleepaway camps (essentially like a no video game rehab — maybe your ex could be on board with sending him to camp), locking away the devices, etc. He eventually grew out of it and is in video game animation business now.

Is he able to complete his class assignments with the video gaming still? Can you get him into any extracurriculars as an exchange to allowing video gaming? Does he acquiesce to certain # of hours of video game a day (and like another poster suggested, you have to fill his other time without the video games and with something active/specific). Agree with another poster who said no replacements if he breaks things.

Good luck OP. If you feel unsafe from the violence, I hope you have a room you can lock yourself in to stay physically safe.

I think the no screen camp might be a good idea but if I present it to his dad that way he’d oppose it, so I’d have to act like it was a regular camp. He’s decent about completing assignments, but could obviously do better. Ex refuses fo allow me to put him into an activity, due to son’s refusal, last time he played was two years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is his diagnosis? I am terrified that you haven’t even sought one yet.

ADHD Combined type.

Have had him reassessed since the violence increased? I have a child with ADHD and I seriously doubt any doctor would write off what you are describing as *only* ADHD. You definitely need more help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take it all away, call the police when he rages - you’ll end up with a mandatory inpatient psych stay which is what you need at this point (ask me how I know).

PP whose child was violent. We never had a mandatory inpatient psych stay after he was removed. We did get voluntary admissions but not an involuntary hold.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore all the awful monsters harassing you here.
You deserve to be physically safe, and you deserve someone better as a co-parent than your abusive ex.

Sadly, I recommend letting your kid do whatever he wants, for your own safety. Secure your own oxygen mask first.

Leave your kid alone until he chooses to come to you in peace. Lock your bedroom door for safety.

[Anonymous]

Remove knives from your home. Get those plastic "training" knifes for basic chopping. Hide the one chopping knife and only use it when your son isn't around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is his diagnosis? I am terrified that you haven’t even sought one yet.

ADHD Combined type.

This is way more than ADHD. ADHD isn't violence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ex doesn’t want full custody, so that’s not an option, and Wi-Fi being turned off isn’t an option either, that’s when he gets violent. -OP

He clearly doesn't respect you and knows he can bully you into doing what he wants. You need to do a hard reset, starting with turning off the wifi and enforcing no games for some amount of time.

I'm the 15:16 poster - I would agree with this except - if he's got unlimited video games at his dad's and he comes to his mom's every other week, he's going to have to do this hard reset EVERY SINGLE TIME. It's not a hard reset if the video games are back and unlimited a week later. Hence my emphasis on - what can you do, if anything, to get Dad on the same team? Because you're right that he needs no games for some time (probably at least a month) but that isn't currently within the OP's locus of control.

Mom needs to change her parenting style and get all of them help and getting married will not fix this. If he breaks a tv or video game or something else, it doesn't get replace. Simple. He and she both need therapy, and she needs parenting classes.

[Anonymous]

OP, what triggered the divorce? Was your ex violent like your son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take it all away, call the police when he rages - you’ll end up with a mandatory inpatient psych stay which is what you need at this point (ask me how I know).

This is not a police issue nor a hospitalization issue. That's not what will fix this. And, there is a very specific threshold to hospitalization, especially a young child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is his diagnosis? I am terrified that you haven’t even sought one yet.

ADHD Combined type.

Have had him reassessed since the violence increased? I have a child with ADHD and I seriously doubt any doctor would write off what you are describing as *only* ADHD. You definitely need more help.

Yes, he was diagnosed at six after behavioural issues at school and home, and was reassessed a year and a half ago, same result.

[Anonymous]

Have Dad take the child for awhile even though he does not want him full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what triggered the divorce? Was your ex violent like your son?

Ex began accusing me of cheating and became physically abusive. On the third occasion, he hit both me and our toddler. I called the police and left immediately. He then stalked and followed me for months, forcing me to call the cops repeatedly. He threatened me and my family, showed up at my job, and harassed my siblings and parents.

[Anonymous]

Why do you have a “partner” living with your son?