Supporting colleague who discovered husband’s affair with a 19 year old

[Anonymous]

I would ask for lifetime alimony. Hopefully you were married 20+ years in Virginia. That is the best revenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave him alone. He didn’t break any law. If you are not ok with a 48yo having sex with a 19yo, enact a laa against it.
He is free to enjoy some young women.

He's married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep your heads everybody. I do hate to see these older men taken advantage of, though.

Imagine the power that these young women have to be able to coerce and exploit these wealthy men. Gives me pause.

Oh nooooo won’t someone think of the poor older men????
F them and F you

Kind of a prudish Victorian premise that a young woman's sexuality must be so preciously guarded that no 40 year old man may touch it.

She's 19! Let her decide! Her body her choice, no shame.

No one’s shaming her, pedo. We’re shaming the dude.

Back under your rock.

[Anonymous]

Go with her to STD testing. I had to do this for a friend once.

[Anonymous]

Just continue being there for her like you are now……she will likely need a shoulder to cry on or just someone to angrily vent to in the upcoming days.

You seem like an outstanding friend - - a true gem. 💎

[Anonymous]

I'd offer to reach out to the parents of the 19 year old to make sure they know their child has taken up with a married father who is more than twice her age. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Is her husband employed at the university where this 19 year old is a FRESHMAN? If so, help her ruin his career

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help her realize this does not have to destroy her life. We've been culturally condition in the U.S. to think of this as some kind of ultimate betrayal.

But in many cultures--France, Japan, etc., this kind of things is not uncommon or even so taboo. Help her to not overreact. Keep it in perspective.

Are you the cheating husband?

No. I just understand the fact that some kind of crazy overreaction only dissipates wealth and stability for the children. I married into a French family, and they think American divorce culture is basically like cutting off your nose to spite your face. Or, more like cutting off your kid's nose to spite your cheating husband. Who has the energy or the reservoir of spite like that?

Well, the French are also much more OK with child sexual abuse, so I'm not sure their way of looking at love is one to emulate. For me, aside from the cheating is the issue that it is with a 19 year old. That really speaks to a guy who enjoys a power differential in a relationship, objectifies women and who is barely keeping his sexual interest on the legal side (and might not have always been able to do the latter or continue to be able to do it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is her husband employed at the university where this 19 year old is a FRESHMAN? If so, help her ruin his career

No, he does not work there. She says she’s in love with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is her husband employed at the university where this 19 year old is a FRESHMAN? If so, help her ruin his career

No, he does not work there. She says she’s in love with him.

Honestly, a guy that would affirmatively reach out to a stranger on TikTok and believe that she loves him has sort of lost his marbles. I would be very worried that she is not actually 19.

That kind of impulsivity and lack of boundaries is a real danger to anyone who stays married to him.

If you want to support her, it's probably best not to tell her what to do, but to encourage her to think through all options, while at the same time making it clear that this is in no way her fault (as cheating is always the "fault" of the cheater - no one forces them to cheat). It would have helped me to have my friends more clearly label the abusive nature of my now ex's cheating -- the cheating isn't about a relationship issue in the marriage but it is about abuse of power, manipulation, etc. I think it also would have helped me to have someone encourage me to go to therapy and see an attorney. I did the latter but not the former.

FWIW, I didn't leave right away because I had very little kids. If my kids had been older, I would have left immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep your heads everybody. I do hate to see these older men taken advantage of, though.

Imagine the power that these young women have to be able to coerce and exploit these wealthy men. Gives me pause.

Power of the P.

[Anonymous]

I remember being 26 or 27 banging a girl I met at the pool who was 18 (summer before freshman year of college). This post gives me hope as a 40year old myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember being 26 or 27 banging a girl I met at the pool who was 18 (summer before freshman year of college). This post gives me hope as a 40year old myself.

💯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help her realize this does not have to destroy her life. We've been culturally condition in the U.S. to think of this as some kind of ultimate betrayal.

But in many cultures--France, Japan, etc., this kind of things is not uncommon or even so taboo. Help her to not overreact. Keep it in perspective.

It is the ultimate betrayal and you clearly cheat. He broke his marriage vows and is seeing someone else. For me, that would be a divorce and I'd rather be in a homeless shelter than with a man like that.

[Anonymous]

Is it lifetime alimony in Virginia after 20 years?