The ebb and flow of admissions hostility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

Thank you for posting this. I have two kids who are seniors - one was rejected early and the other was deferred early, so we are going nowhere during winter break so they can write a bunch of supplemental essays while our friends whose kids got into their ED schools are laying out at a beach in Mexico or Hawaii (and posting Facebook pics). Happy for them, feeling a pity-party for us. I doubt the ED kids (most of whom got into schools where they are double legacy - no bitterness, but that's just the truth) will be regretting anything in the spring but this is my first rodeo.

You doubt based on what? You know nothing. Listen to the experienced parent here. They are spot on.

You think someone who got into Dartmouth ED or Northwestern ED or Duke ED is going to have buyer's remorse in the spring?

Sadly, yes. They do. Even kids who get I to 1,2 and 4 beat themselves up about 3. The
Rat race is real.

Well, that's on them. Probably shouldn't have applied ED in the first place if they are having "buyer's remorse" getting accepted to T25 schools.

In my experience its more of an issue for the kids who EDII, i.e. they try REA at a real first choice, get denied or deferred and then EDII to UChicago, Tufts, Rice etc. only to see their similar peers have great choices in RD. By definition EDII is not about real first choice

I really have not seen this. RD has been pretty tough past four cycles. There are always exceptions but more kids disappointed than not. Of course, should never ED to a school where one wouldn't be happy to go.[/quote
My experience is with high stats unhooked private school kids, many did very well in RD (UPenn, Columbia, Stanford, Rice, Vanderbilt, Brown, UVA, Cal, UMich, Williams, Amherst) so those that had applied early been deferred and then in a "Panic at the Disco" moment EDII to Tufts etc definitely experienced regrets

Pp here, my kids are at feeder private. I didn't say no good admits in RD, but the bulk tend to be early. A kid that does really well may wind up with a Reach or two. But plenty of kids who just get targets and likelies. Parents should set their expectations accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

June
Graduation party & gift suggestions.

July
Can’t believe it’s all over.

August
Where to buy dorm linens & other supplies? Some vicarious moms buying condoms by the ton. Major concern: Magnum or Regular?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

Thank you for posting this. I have two kids who are seniors - one was rejected early and the other was deferred early, so we are going nowhere during winter break so they can write a bunch of supplemental essays while our friends whose kids got into their ED schools are laying out at a beach in Mexico or Hawaii (and posting Facebook pics). Happy for them, feeling a pity-party for us. I doubt the ED kids (most of whom got into schools where they are double legacy - no bitterness, but that's just the truth) will be regretting anything in the spring but this is my first rodeo.

You doubt based on what? You know nothing. Listen to the experienced parent here. They are spot on.

You think someone who got into Dartmouth ED or Northwestern ED or Duke ED is going to have buyer's remorse in the spring?

Sadly, yes. They do. Even kids who get I to 1,2 and 4 beat themselves up about 3. The
Rat race is real.

Well, that's on them. Probably shouldn't have applied ED in the first place if they are having "buyer's remorse" getting accepted to T25 schools.

In my experience its more of an issue for the kids who EDII, i.e. they try REA at a real first choice, get denied or deferred and then EDII to UChicago, Tufts, Rice etc. only to see their similar peers have great choices in RD. By definition EDII is not about real first choice

I really have not seen this. RD has been pretty tough past four cycles. There are always exceptions but more kids disappointed than not. Of course, should never ED to a school where one wouldn't be happy to go.[/quote
My experience is with high stats unhooked private school kids, many did very well in RD (UPenn, Columbia, Stanford, Rice, Vanderbilt, Brown, UVA, Cal, UMich, Williams, Amherst) so those that had applied early been deferred and then in a "Panic at the Disco" moment EDII to Tufts etc definitely experienced regrets

Pp here, my kids are at feeder private. I didn't say no good admits in RD, but the bulk tend to be early. A kid that does really well may wind up with a Reach or two. But plenty of kids who just get targets and likelies. Parents should set their expectations accordingly.

Very true, and to clear I haven't seen any unexpected wins. The kids that did great in RD, i.e. multiple far reaches, were stars, the kids with the grades, the scores, campus leaders etc. I didn't mean to suggest admissions is anything other than a low chance lottery in the current situation. My point was really about the regret issue with EDII at least at our private school there have been enough wins in RD to make the EDII kids have buyer's remorse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

Thank you for posting this. I have two kids who are seniors - one was rejected early and the other was deferred early, so we are going nowhere during winter break so they can write a bunch of supplemental essays while our friends whose kids got into their ED schools are laying out at a beach in Mexico or Hawaii (and posting Facebook pics). Happy for them, feeling a pity-party for us. I doubt the ED kids (most of whom got into schools where they are double legacy - no bitterness, but that's just the truth) will be regretting anything in the spring but this is my first rodeo.

You doubt based on what? You know nothing. Listen to the experienced parent here. They are spot on.

You think someone who got into Dartmouth ED or Northwestern ED or Duke ED is going to have buyer's remorse in the spring?

Yes. The posts appear every spring. The kid is going to Duke but maybe he could have gotten into Yale. The kid is going to Penn but maybe he could have gotten into Princeton. Etc. People know they can’t say this stuff aloud so they whisper it into the anonymous pillow of DCUM. [/quote]

Love the bolded line PP!

[Anonymous]

"Panic at the Disco" "Dork Rumspringa" "Venom or Braggin"

As a triple-Ivy married to a double-Ivy who does not expect our high-stats junior special snowflake to get into the top 15 next year outside of dumb luck, I find this insanely hilarious!

I'm going to print this out and hand it to all of my parent friends...

[Anonymous]

OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

I really did not appreciate how emotionally taxing the waiting game would be until I was in it. I know multiple kids who have committed to safeties or targets, without waiting to hear from reaches they had initially preferred, just to be done. I used to think they were weak, or crazy, but now I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

I think there is a difference between generations. My genZ doesn't give a XXXX when they open the decision letter, they have the ability of viewing and accepting results calmly. The parents often experience accelerated heart beat, sweating, and some emotional shxt after the viewing. Good to have a genZ kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

After DC’s reach EA acceptances so far, it’s been a pretty chill January - that is almost over without tapping our watches. I think we just submitted to the process, knowing that time flies and it’ll be here sooner than we think.

My only hope is that all decisions come in prior to DCs spring break so we can attend admittedly students days over the break. Some of these “by April 1st” schools are what’s making me nervous. I don’t want to do any cross country visits in 48hrs when DC just had two weeks off for spring break… (and spots being open on those admitted students days, being that they could’ve been booked by previously admitted students in earlier rounds…).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

I think there is a difference between generations. My genZ doesn't give a XXXX when they open the decision letter, they have the ability of viewing and accepting results calmly. The parents often experience accelerated heart beat, sweating, and some emotional shxt after the viewing. Good to have a genZ kid.

I think that’s your kid, and good for them, but it’s definitely not the whole generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

Otoh, maybe rage posting on DCUM is a better strategy for blowing off steam during this blasted January–March waiting period than smashing up all your friendship groups, which is what I’m watching happen around me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

I think there is a difference between generations. My genZ doesn't give a XXXX when they open the decision letter, they have the ability of viewing and accepting results calmly. The parents often experience accelerated heart beat, sweating, and some emotional shxt after the viewing. Good to have a genZ kid.

I think that’s your kid, and good for them, but it’s definitely not the whole generation.

My kid too. He even waits to open. He generally is so cool and calm and level-headed. Zero anxiety. I’m GenX- I get nervous even when I don’t care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

Lol! I did not think this would be me, but yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

I think there is a difference between generations. My genZ doesn't give a XXXX when they open the decision letter, they have the ability of viewing and accepting results calmly. The parents often experience accelerated heart beat, sweating, and some emotional shxt after the viewing. Good to have a genZ kid.

I think that’s your kid, and good for them, but it’s definitely not the whole generation.

My kid too. He even waits to open. He generally is so cool and calm and level-headed. Zero anxiety. I’m GenX- I get nervous even when I don’t care

The Gen X trauma gives us a different fight or flight response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

Thank you for posting this. I have two kids who are seniors - one was rejected early and the other was deferred early, so we are going nowhere during winter break so they can write a bunch of supplemental essays while our friends whose kids got into their ED schools are laying out at a beach in Mexico or Hawaii (and posting Facebook pics). Happy for them, feeling a pity-party for us. I doubt the ED kids (most of whom got into schools where they are double legacy - no bitterness, but that's just the truth) will be regretting anything in the spring but this is my first rodeo.

You doubt based on what? You know nothing. Listen to the experienced parent here. They are spot on.

You think someone who got into Dartmouth ED or Northwestern ED or Duke ED is going to have buyer's remorse in the spring?

Yes. The posts appear every spring. The kid is going to Duke but maybe he could have gotten into Yale. The kid is going to Penn but maybe he could have gotten into Princeton. Etc. People know they can’t say this stuff aloud so they whisper it into the anonymous pillow of DCUM.

This is something dcum parents tell each other to feel better. It’s extremely uncommon (not my first rodeo).

Agree 100%. While I love OP’s post, buyer’s remorse rarely happens in ED1. This is just a delusion circulated on dcum because they are bitter over their own ED results, or too narrow-minded to accept that not every student wants to attend an ivy. We are awash in Purple at our house celebrating DC’s ED acceptance to Northwestern. Perfect fit by a mile over any other school. No regret whatsoever.