The ebb and flow of admissions hostility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

Otoh, maybe rage posting on DCUM is a better strategy for blowing off steam during this blasted January–March waiting period than smashing up all your friendship groups, which is what I’m watching happen around me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

I think there is a difference between generations. My genZ doesn't give a XXXX when they open the decision letter, they have the ability of viewing and accepting results calmly. The parents often experience accelerated heart beat, sweating, and some emotional shxt after the viewing. Good to have a genZ kid.

I think that’s your kid, and good for them, but it’s definitely not the whole generation.

My kid too. He even waits to open. He generally is so cool and calm and level-headed. Zero anxiety. I’m GenX- I get nervous even when I don’t care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

Lol! I did not think this would be me, but yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

I think there is a difference between generations. My genZ doesn't give a XXXX when they open the decision letter, they have the ability of viewing and accepting results calmly. The parents often experience accelerated heart beat, sweating, and some emotional shxt after the viewing. Good to have a genZ kid.

I think that’s your kid, and good for them, but it’s definitely not the whole generation.

My kid too. He even waits to open. He generally is so cool and calm and level-headed. Zero anxiety. I’m GenX- I get nervous even when I don’t care

The Gen X trauma gives us a different fight or flight response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

Thank you for posting this. I have two kids who are seniors - one was rejected early and the other was deferred early, so we are going nowhere during winter break so they can write a bunch of supplemental essays while our friends whose kids got into their ED schools are laying out at a beach in Mexico or Hawaii (and posting Facebook pics). Happy for them, feeling a pity-party for us. I doubt the ED kids (most of whom got into schools where they are double legacy - no bitterness, but that's just the truth) will be regretting anything in the spring but this is my first rodeo.

You doubt based on what? You know nothing. Listen to the experienced parent here. They are spot on.

You think someone who got into Dartmouth ED or Northwestern ED or Duke ED is going to have buyer's remorse in the spring?

Yes. The posts appear every spring. The kid is going to Duke but maybe he could have gotten into Yale. The kid is going to Penn but maybe he could have gotten into Princeton. Etc. People know they can’t say this stuff aloud so they whisper it into the anonymous pillow of DCUM.

This is something dcum parents tell each other to feel better. It’s extremely uncommon (not my first rodeo).

Agree 100%. While I love OP’s post, buyer’s remorse rarely happens in ED1. This is just a delusion circulated on dcum because they are bitter over their own ED results, or too narrow-minded to accept that not every student wants to attend an ivy. We are awash in Purple at our house celebrating DC’s ED acceptance to Northwestern. Perfect fit by a mile over any other school. No regret whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

Thank you for posting this. I have two kids who are seniors - one was rejected early and the other was deferred early, so we are going nowhere during winter break so they can write a bunch of supplemental essays while our friends whose kids got into their ED schools are laying out at a beach in Mexico or Hawaii (and posting Facebook pics). Happy for them, feeling a pity-party for us. I doubt the ED kids (most of whom got into schools where they are double legacy - no bitterness, but that's just the truth) will be regretting anything in the spring but this is my first rodeo.

You doubt based on what? You know nothing. Listen to the experienced parent here. They are spot on.

You think someone who got into Dartmouth ED or Northwestern ED or Duke ED is going to have buyer's remorse in the spring?

Yes. The posts appear every spring. The kid is going to Duke but maybe he could have gotten into Yale. The kid is going to Penn but maybe he could have gotten into Princeton. Etc. People know they can’t say this stuff aloud so they whisper it into the anonymous pillow of DCUM.

This is something dcum parents tell each other to feel better. It’s extremely uncommon (not my first rodeo).

Agree 100%. While I love OP’s post, buyer’s remorse rarely happens in ED1. This is just a delusion circulated on dcum because they are bitter over their own ED results, or too narrow-minded to accept that not every student wants to attend an ivy. We are awash in Purple at our house celebrating DC’s ED acceptance to Northwestern. Perfect fit by a mile over any other school. No regret whatsoever.

Congrats on Northwestern! I love that you are all wearing purple. I'm also keeping an eye out on school colors when shopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

Otoh, maybe rage posting on DCUM is a better strategy for blowing off steam during this blasted January–March waiting period than smashing up all your friendship groups, which is what I’m watching happen around me.

Really? It's that bad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

Otoh, maybe rage posting on DCUM is a better strategy for blowing off steam during this blasted January–March waiting period than smashing up all your friendship groups, which is what I’m watching happen around me.

Really? It's that bad?

I was going to ask the same thing — what are they doing??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know what’s missing this year, though? The annual December (post-ED) thread about whether Sidwell is losing its touch and the kids would have had better admissions from Jackson-Reed.

I would guess that’s one part the end of affirmative action, one part the revival of test-mandatory, and one part younger parents who are more comfortable with the line that you don’t choose private school for the college results.

You may have missed. Unfortunately there were multiple siddy threads. Mostly in relation to U Chicago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

Otoh, maybe rage posting on DCUM is a better strategy for blowing off steam during this blasted January–March waiting period than smashing up all your friendship groups, which is what I’m watching happen around me.

Really? It's that bad?

I was going to ask the same thing — what are they doing??

Mean-girling her out of their friend group for the crime of getting in to her early school while they (apparently, they don’t talk about it) did not get into theirs. I don’t think it’s consciously connected to college admissions but the words PP used to describe DCUM during this period — anxiety, open hostility, and bile — are on regular display.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

Otoh, maybe rage posting on DCUM is a better strategy for blowing off steam during this blasted January–March waiting period than smashing up all your friendship groups, which is what I’m watching happen around me.

Really? It's that bad?

I was going to ask the same thing — what are they doing??

Mean-girling her out of their friend group for the crime of getting in to her early school while they (apparently, they don’t talk about it) did not get into theirs. I don’t think it’s consciously connected to college admissions but the words PP used to describe DCUM during this period — anxiety, open hostility, and bile — are on regular display.

Yikes that’s sad. I’ve been taken aback by hostility & bile here but this is anonymous … hard to imagine this in real life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

Otoh, maybe rage posting on DCUM is a better strategy for blowing off steam during this blasted January–March waiting period than smashing up all your friendship groups, which is what I’m watching happen around me.

Really? It's that bad?

I was going to ask the same thing — what are they doing??

Mean-girling her out of their friend group for the crime of getting in to her early school while they (apparently, they don’t talk about it) did not get into theirs. I don’t think it’s consciously connected to college admissions but the words PP used to describe DCUM during this period — anxiety, open hostility, and bile — are on regular display.

Yikes that’s sad. I’ve been taken aback by hostility & bile here but this is anonymous … hard to imagine this in real life!

Lots of friend drama senior year in both of my daughter’s friend groups. I always say 7th grade and 12th grade are the worst for girl drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

Thank you for posting this. I have two kids who are seniors - one was rejected early and the other was deferred early, so we are going nowhere during winter break so they can write a bunch of supplemental essays while our friends whose kids got into their ED schools are laying out at a beach in Mexico or Hawaii (and posting Facebook pics). Happy for them, feeling a pity-party for us. I doubt the ED kids (most of whom got into schools where they are double legacy - no bitterness, but that's just the truth) will be regretting anything in the spring but this is my first rodeo.

You doubt based on what? You know nothing. Listen to the experienced parent here. They are spot on.

You think someone who got into Dartmouth ED or Northwestern ED or Duke ED is going to have buyer's remorse in the spring?

Yes. The posts appear every spring. The kid is going to Duke but maybe he could have gotten into Yale. The kid is going to Penn but maybe he could have gotten into Princeton. Etc. People know they can’t say this stuff aloud so they whisper it into the anonymous pillow of DCUM.

This is something dcum parents tell each other to feel better. It’s extremely uncommon (not my first rodeo).

Agree 100%. While I love OP’s post, buyer’s remorse rarely happens in ED1. This is just a delusion circulated on dcum because they are bitter over their own ED results, or too narrow-minded to accept that not every student wants to attend an ivy. We are awash in Purple at our house celebrating DC’s ED acceptance to Northwestern. Perfect fit by a mile over any other school. No regret whatsoever.

First kid? Just wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

Thank you for posting this. I have two kids who are seniors - one was rejected early and the other was deferred early, so we are going nowhere during winter break so they can write a bunch of supplemental essays while our friends whose kids got into their ED schools are laying out at a beach in Mexico or Hawaii (and posting Facebook pics). Happy for them, feeling a pity-party for us. I doubt the ED kids (most of whom got into schools where they are double legacy - no bitterness, but that's just the truth) will be regretting anything in the spring but this is my first rodeo.

You doubt based on what? You know nothing. Listen to the experienced parent here. They are spot on.

You think someone who got into Dartmouth ED or Northwestern ED or Duke ED is going to have buyer's remorse in the spring?

Yes. The posts appear every spring. The kid is going to Duke but maybe he could have gotten into Yale. The kid is going to Penn but maybe he could have gotten into Princeton. Etc. People know they can’t say this stuff aloud so they whisper it into the anonymous pillow of DCUM.

This is something dcum parents tell each other to feel better. It’s extremely uncommon (not my first rodeo).

Agree 100%. While I love OP’s post, buyer’s remorse rarely happens in ED1. This is just a delusion circulated on dcum because they are bitter over their own ED results, or too narrow-minded to accept that not every student wants to attend an ivy. We are awash in Purple at our house celebrating DC’s ED acceptance to Northwestern. Perfect fit by a mile over any other school. No regret whatsoever.

Congrats on Northwestern! I love that you are all wearing purple. I'm also keeping an eye out on school colors when shopping.

Thanks! Best of luck to your DC!

[Anonymous]

Since decisions seem to be coming out earlier for several colleges this year (by a few weeks), I feel like DC is finally having fun in early March!

Because of the insanely unpredictable state of holistic college admins, her school-based counselor suggested she over-apply to 15-ish schools. Now she's going from feeling desperate and worried to feeling like she's getting spoiled for choice as so many (majority) are coming back admitted. Also, we're dual Canadian-US citizens, so all of Canada is like one big in-state option for us and they decide on a rolling basis so she got admissions answers by Jan/Feb to all the top schools in Canada already too. I really would suggest applying to Canada's best schools and putting them in the mix too. Their cut-off guidelines give you a good window into predicting whether you will get in, and it's not the "black box" of mystery as US state schools are which are all holistic.