The ebb and flow of admissions hostility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

Thank you for posting this. I have two kids who are seniors - one was rejected early and the other was deferred early, so we are going nowhere during winter break so they can write a bunch of supplemental essays while our friends whose kids got into their ED schools are laying out at a beach in Mexico or Hawaii (and posting Facebook pics). Happy for them, feeling a pity-party for us. I doubt the ED kids (most of whom got into schools where they are double legacy - no bitterness, but that's just the truth) will be regretting anything in the spring but this is my first rodeo.

You doubt based on what? You know nothing. Listen to the experienced parent here. They are spot on.

You think someone who got into Dartmouth ED or Northwestern ED or Duke ED is going to have buyer's remorse in the spring?

Yes. The posts appear every spring. The kid is going to Duke but maybe he could have gotten into Yale. The kid is going to Penn but maybe he could have gotten into Princeton. Etc. People know they can’t say this stuff aloud so they whisper it into the anonymous pillow of DCUM.

This is something dcum parents tell each other to feel better. It’s extremely uncommon (not my first rodeo).

Agree 100%. While I love OP’s post, buyer’s remorse rarely happens in ED1. This is just a delusion circulated on dcum because they are bitter over their own ED results, or too narrow-minded to accept that not every student wants to attend an ivy. We are awash in Purple at our house celebrating DC’s ED acceptance to Northwestern. Perfect fit by a mile over any other school. No regret whatsoever.

Yay! I have a freshman DC there. Loving every single minute (sometimes maybe even a little too much)!

[Anonymous]

My kid got into UVA ED, but wonders if she could have gotten into a higher ranked school. She’s met some fellow students at UVA that got into some Ivys, with similar stats as hers. She is happy at UVA, and our wallets are as well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

Thank you for posting this. I have two kids who are seniors - one was rejected early and the other was deferred early, so we are going nowhere during winter break so they can write a bunch of supplemental essays while our friends whose kids got into their ED schools are laying out at a beach in Mexico or Hawaii (and posting Facebook pics). Happy for them, feeling a pity-party for us. I doubt the ED kids (most of whom got into schools where they are double legacy - no bitterness, but that's just the truth) will be regretting anything in the spring but this is my first rodeo.

You doubt based on what? You know nothing. Listen to the experienced parent here. They are spot on.

You think someone who got into Dartmouth ED or Northwestern ED or Duke ED is going to have buyer's remorse in the spring?

Yes. The posts appear every spring. The kid is going to Duke but maybe he could have gotten into Yale. The kid is going to Penn but maybe he could have gotten into Princeton. Etc. People know they can’t say this stuff aloud so they whisper it into the anonymous pillow of DCUM.

This is something dcum parents tell each other to feel better. It’s extremely uncommon (not my first rodeo).

Agree 100%. While I love OP’s post, buyer’s remorse rarely happens in ED1. This is just a delusion circulated on dcum because they are bitter over their own ED results, or too narrow-minded to accept that not every student wants to attend an ivy. We are awash in Purple at our house celebrating DC’s ED acceptance to Northwestern. Perfect fit by a mile over any other school. No regret whatsoever.

The regret usually happens after peers get RD result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

Otoh, maybe rage posting on DCUM is a better strategy for blowing off steam during this blasted January–March waiting period than smashing up all your friendship groups, which is what I’m watching happen around me.

Really? It's that bad?

I was going to ask the same thing — what are they doing??

Mean-girling her out of their friend group for the crime of getting in to her early school while they (apparently, they don’t talk about it) did not get into theirs. I don’t think it’s consciously connected to college admissions but the words PP used to describe DCUM during this period — anxiety, open hostility, and bile — are on regular display.

Yikes that’s sad. I’ve been taken aback by hostility & bile here but this is anonymous … hard to imagine this in real life!

Lots of friend drama senior year in both of my daughter’s friend groups. I always say 7th grade and 12th grade are the worst for girl drama.

DD says there is so much bragging at her Nova public by the few girls who got into Ivys already through ED. It makes the kids waiting or rejected/deferred dislike them intensely. Also it's kind of shocking to me since I know the moms of the girls she complains about, and they would be horrified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

Otoh, maybe rage posting on DCUM is a better strategy for blowing off steam during this blasted January–March waiting period than smashing up all your friendship groups, which is what I’m watching happen around me.

Really? It's that bad?

I was going to ask the same thing — what are they doing??

Mean-girling her out of their friend group for the crime of getting in to her early school while they (apparently, they don’t talk about it) did not get into theirs. I don’t think it’s consciously connected to college admissions but the words PP used to describe DCUM during this period — anxiety, open hostility, and bile — are on regular display.

Yikes that’s sad. I’ve been taken aback by hostility & bile here but this is anonymous … hard to imagine this in real life!

Lots of friend drama senior year in both of my daughter’s friend groups. I always say 7th grade and 12th grade are the worst for girl drama.

DD says there is so much bragging at her Nova public by the few girls who got into Ivys already through ED. It makes the kids waiting or rejected/deferred dislike them intensely. Also it's kind of shocking to me since I know the moms of the girls she complains about, and they would be horrified.

High schoolers are immature ding dongs. When I was in high school in the 90s, a girl in my class got in early to Penn, she brought her admissions letter to school the following day in a picture frame, and literally plopped it down on her desk at every class to show it off to everyone. I didn't realize that it was a big deal at the time (I did not apply to Penn and knew very little about it) but I bet the kids who didn't get into their early schools thought it was so obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since decisions seem to be coming out earlier for several colleges this year (by a few weeks), I feel like DC is finally having fun in early March!

Because of the insanely unpredictable state of holistic college admins, her school-based counselor suggested she over-apply to 15-ish schools. Now she's going from feeling desperate and worried to feeling like she's getting spoiled for choice as so many (majority) are coming back admitted. Also, we're dual Canadian-US citizens, so all of Canada is like one big in-state option for us and they decide on a rolling basis so she got admissions answers by Jan/Feb to all the top schools in Canada already too. I really would suggest applying to Canada's best schools and putting them in the mix too. Their cut-off guidelines give you a good window into predicting whether you will get in, and it's not the "black box" of mystery as US state schools are which are all holistic.

Agree!

And it's nice during RD when all the decisions come in for kids to finally feel "wanted" and sought after rather than the other way around during initial visits and applications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

Thank you for posting this. I have two kids who are seniors - one was rejected early and the other was deferred early, so we are going nowhere during winter break so they can write a bunch of supplemental essays while our friends whose kids got into their ED schools are laying out at a beach in Mexico or Hawaii (and posting Facebook pics). Happy for them, feeling a pity-party for us. I doubt the ED kids (most of whom got into schools where they are double legacy - no bitterness, but that's just the truth) will be regretting anything in the spring but this is my first rodeo.

You doubt based on what? You know nothing. Listen to the experienced parent here. They are spot on.

You think someone who got into Dartmouth ED or Northwestern ED or Duke ED is going to have buyer's remorse in the spring?

Yes. The posts appear every spring. The kid is going to Duke but maybe he could have gotten into Yale. The kid is going to Penn but maybe he could have gotten into Princeton. Etc. People know they can’t say this stuff aloud so they whisper it into the anonymous pillow of DCUM.

This is something dcum parents tell each other to feel better. It’s extremely uncommon (not my first rodeo).

Agree 100%. While I love OP’s post, buyer’s remorse rarely happens in ED1. This is just a delusion circulated on dcum because they are bitter over their own ED results, or too narrow-minded to accept that not every student wants to attend an ivy. We are awash in Purple at our house celebrating DC’s ED acceptance to Northwestern. Perfect fit by a mile over any other school. No regret whatsoever.

Agree with this: if DC had gotten into their ED (which they didnt) they would have zero buyers remorse no matter where anyone else got in. I think buyers remorse is a myth (unless your kid was conservative in what school they were shooting their shot at… I guess I can understand in those cases).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

Thank you for posting this. I have two kids who are seniors - one was rejected early and the other was deferred early, so we are going nowhere during winter break so they can write a bunch of supplemental essays while our friends whose kids got into their ED schools are laying out at a beach in Mexico or Hawaii (and posting Facebook pics). Happy for them, feeling a pity-party for us. I doubt the ED kids (most of whom got into schools where they are double legacy - no bitterness, but that's just the truth) will be regretting anything in the spring but this is my first rodeo.

You doubt based on what? You know nothing. Listen to the experienced parent here. They are spot on.

You think someone who got into Dartmouth ED or Northwestern ED or Duke ED is going to have buyer's remorse in the spring?

Yes. The posts appear every spring. The kid is going to Duke but maybe he could have gotten into Yale. The kid is going to Penn but maybe he could have gotten into Princeton. Etc. People know they can’t say this stuff aloud so they whisper it into the anonymous pillow of DCUM.

This is something dcum parents tell each other to feel better. It’s extremely uncommon (not my first rodeo).

Agree 100%. While I love OP’s post, buyer’s remorse rarely happens in ED1. This is just a delusion circulated on dcum because they are bitter over their own ED results, or too narrow-minded to accept that not every student wants to attend an ivy. We are awash in Purple at our house celebrating DC’s ED acceptance to Northwestern. Perfect fit by a mile over any other school. No regret whatsoever.

The regret usually happens after peers get RD result.

Regret only occurs if: 1) the financial aid offered is inadequate, or 2) a student applied ED to a school primarily to gain a strategic advantage in admissions.

ED admission to a dream school is different. And for my DC, that school was Northwestern. Hope you DC finds the same success in RD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent of a college sophomore and a high school senior, so I've been on this site a lot over the past few years.

I've recognized a sort of cadence to the threads:
August-November - optimism. Families asking for school suggestions for their "high stats" student. Everyone underestimates the importance of safety schools. Everyone is high on life and possibilities.

November 15 - December 15
venom or bragging
Depending on how your ED decision lands, you are either estatic and bragging about being a "good parent" or you are lashing out about "hooks." (See the recent thread about legacy preference for reference)

The world is "unfair" for the first time in your precious snowflake's life...

December - everyone is refreshing the IG decision page every 10 minutes, you are looking up schools you've never heard of before and rabbit holing into some random kid from California. Your "high stats" kids scramble to look for safety schools that don't hurt their pride too much.

Panic at the disco

January- April
The honeymoon phase for ED admits. They are happily goofing off in class and gloating.

Dork rumspringa

April -
The honeymoon ends for ED admits as all of their peers receive news from colleges. Most feel some buyers remorse "X got into XYZ?! Why did I ED?! I could have gotten in too!"
Everyone is so exhausted and desensitized by this point that the yeses and nos just collect in a bucket to be analyzed and thought about at the last possible moment. You probably don't even check the IG "decisions" pages anymore. It's just exhausting.

May
No one cares anymore. because it all, mostly, worked out for most kids. Sure, there is a striver or two who got screwed because they didn't have any real safeties, but they usually get off a waitlist at Michigan or somewhere equivalent by August.

Travel safely my fellow parents. You will survive this.

Thank you for posting this. I have two kids who are seniors - one was rejected early and the other was deferred early, so we are going nowhere during winter break so they can write a bunch of supplemental essays while our friends whose kids got into their ED schools are laying out at a beach in Mexico or Hawaii (and posting Facebook pics). Happy for them, feeling a pity-party for us. I doubt the ED kids (most of whom got into schools where they are double legacy - no bitterness, but that's just the truth) will be regretting anything in the spring but this is my first rodeo.

You doubt based on what? You know nothing. Listen to the experienced parent here. They are spot on.

You think someone who got into Dartmouth ED or Northwestern ED or Duke ED is going to have buyer's remorse in the spring?

Yes. The posts appear every spring. The kid is going to Duke but maybe he could have gotten into Yale. The kid is going to Penn but maybe he could have gotten into Princeton. Etc. People know they can’t say this stuff aloud so they whisper it into the anonymous pillow of DCUM.

This is something dcum parents tell each other to feel better. It’s extremely uncommon (not my first rodeo).

Agree 100%. While I love OP’s post, buyer’s remorse rarely happens in ED1. This is just a delusion circulated on dcum because they are bitter over their own ED results, or too narrow-minded to accept that not every student wants to attend an ivy. We are awash in Purple at our house celebrating DC’s ED acceptance to Northwestern. Perfect fit by a mile over any other school. No regret whatsoever.

The regret usually happens after peers get RD result.

Regret only occurs if: 1) the financial aid offered is inadequate, or 2) a student applied ED to a school primarily to gain a strategic advantage in admissions.

ED admission to a dream school is different. And for my DC, that school was Northwestern. Hope you DC finds the same success in RD.

Love this for you.
I'm OP, please reread my post.
Check back in on May 15 : )

[Anonymous]

Curious if one of the Northwestern ED parents could share what's so great about it. I visited and it's a pretty campus and the kids seem smart and interesting and there's nothing to dislike about it per se, but it did not seem like it was far and away the best at anything in particular except for Medill journalism school or maybe the arts. There doesn't seem to be any central quad or real traditions (unless you call painting the rock a tradition). Not trying to insult the school, but wondering how/why your kid views it as a dream school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious if one of the Northwestern ED parents could share what's so great about it. I visited and it's a pretty campus and the kids seem smart and interesting and there's nothing to dislike about it per se, but it did not seem like it was far and away the best at anything in particular except for Medill journalism school or maybe the arts. There doesn't seem to be any central quad or real traditions (unless you call painting the rock a tradition). Not trying to insult the school, but wondering how/why your kid views it as a dream school.

B10 Sports, Greek life, quite (surprisingly) social/well adjusted, near to a big city, collaborative, Midwest vibe.

Visit and talk to kids you actually know there. Not randoms. Oh and NU’s tour guides suck.

[Anonymous]

We just got back from visiting Michigan. I was really impressed. Campus tours are fun but also stressful. Feb Mar Apr admitted student tours are another element of bittersweet— looking more seriously at the options & trying to decide—- and waiting on possible scholarships. That’s a stress I wasn’t expecting. Having options (yay!) but wondering how my kid is going to decide before May 1. Also…the early housing deposits. Arrghh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since decisions seem to be coming out earlier for several colleges this year (by a few weeks), I feel like DC is finally having fun in early March!

Because of the insanely unpredictable state of holistic college admins, her school-based counselor suggested she over-apply to 15-ish schools. Now she's going from feeling desperate and worried to feeling like she's getting spoiled for choice as so many (majority) are coming back admitted. Also, we're dual Canadian-US citizens, so all of Canada is like one big in-state option for us and they decide on a rolling basis so she got admissions answers by Jan/Feb to all the top schools in Canada already too. I really would suggest applying to Canada's best schools and putting them in the mix too. Their cut-off guidelines give you a good window into predicting whether you will get in, and it's not the "black box" of mystery as US state schools are which are all holistic.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I have something to add.

Jan-March - all the parents who are anxiously waiting for decisions, maybe the kids too, loosen their grip on reality, just a smidge.

You see it in the open hostility, and aggressiveness, in their responses in the college forum. Even a pretty innocuous thread instantly gets filled with bile.

The waiting game is insanely hard. There is a lot of loose anxiety looking for a place to land and drives everyone a little crazy. But maybe get a better hobby than rage posting on DCUM.

Otoh, maybe rage posting on DCUM is a better strategy for blowing off steam during this blasted January–March waiting period than smashing up all your friendship groups, which is what I’m watching happen around me.

Really? It's that bad?

I was going to ask the same thing — what are they doing??

Mean-girling her out of their friend group for the crime of getting in to her early school while they (apparently, they don’t talk about it) did not get into theirs. I don’t think it’s consciously connected to college admissions but the words PP used to describe DCUM during this period — anxiety, open hostility, and bile — are on regular display.

This happened to me in high school too. Not shunned by my whole friend group, but I was ghosted by one of my closest friends. Which made the rest of the group fall apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just got back from visiting Michigan. I was really impressed. Campus tours are fun but also stressful. Feb Mar Apr admitted student tours are another element of bittersweet— looking more seriously at the options & trying to decide—- and waiting on possible scholarships. That’s a stress I wasn’t expecting. Having options (yay!) but wondering how my kid is going to decide before May 1. Also…the early housing deposits. Arrghh!

Aren’t the early housing deposits just for southern schools? Or does Michigan do this too?