My young teen’s social life is killing me. I need mental coping strategies
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Anonymous
Really? |
Anonymous
| I will also add - start hosting more at your house. Eventually they would have to come get their kid. Flake out last minute on a mall pick up and force someone else’s parents hand. |
Anonymous
| You didn’t mention any activities for your daughter. Does she dance or involved in one of the arts or a sport? |
Anonymous
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I have never heard of teens going to away football games and JV games (unless she's dating a JV player?). This would actually strike me as weird and worrisome. I have three teens.
I often make mine take the public bus to the mall. There's really good public bus service to the mall and to the shopping center that they all love! Mine has now taught all the other kids how to use the bus. They are basically free for teens. (MoCo RideOn is now free for everyone.) One of my kids will also ride his bike to friends, but I know that doesn't work for everyone. I also have told mine that if she expects a ride, she needs to book that in advance. She was getting really bad about calling me and saying someone else's mom dropped them off, but she needed me to pick them up at X time. I need more warning than that, and I need to be asked, not told after there's no other option. If your kid is doing more than 2 social events a week, I don't know when she has time to do homework! Anyway, I don't think anyone can tell you a way to reframe this in your head. Either you're willing to do it (and we're all wondering why), or you're not. You can make it moderately more tolerable by watching TV or doing wordle or duolingo or listening to an audio book or whatever while you are waiting in the car, but it still is what it is. Do you at least get to talk with the kids in the car? That's something at least. I tell my kids all the time that this Uber does not accept "silent ride" requests. Bad enough I have to drive them, they can at least be polite enough to chit chat. The parents I know that love to drive are doing it for the chit chat time. I do like to talk to their friends too -- many of them are really nice about chatting in the car. That's the best I can do for reframing. |
Anonymous
| I am a PP who told you to say no and just read your post closer. JV and away games? I have two in high school and this isn’t typical. No one else is doing this. We are taking them to the Friday games at their own school for varsity and that is it. They are too much with their own things to go to all of the other games anyway. |
Anonymous
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I was in your shoes. Two working parents with stressful jobs and really active teens who didn’t drive until senior year. I was the default driver and the hang out house.
What I did was embrace it. I volunteered to work the concession stand. I drove kids home who didn’t have rides if I had an empty seat in my car. I got to know everyone - coaches, ADs, teachers - so I had people to talk to. I stocked my freezer with frozen pizza and my pantry with brownie mix. I figured I could either be miserable and resentful or I could be part of things and enjoy the ride. I was tired sometimes but my involvement and willingness to engage made for great relationships with my kids (and their friends) and lots of really fun memories. Youngest is now a college freshman and I’m still getting texts to see if I’m available when they are short on parent volunteers. |
Anonymous
Dp here. How many times a week for social visits do you think is appropriate? Between homework for school and their own activities, my kids wouldn’t have time for this, especially not during the week. |
Anonymous
That was my question too. |
Anonymous
Same poster and I guess there might be some scenario in which I drive her a little more, but it would be a one off, special case. That said, if I was going to pick her up from school on Tuesday and she says “we want to grab boba after school, could you pick me up an hour later,” I probably don’t “count” that. Frankly, picking her up later usually helps my work schedule. But generally, she is busy during the week with school and activities. So most social stuff is on the weekend. And I definitely would not be driving her to away sports events all the time. I will say that we host A LOT so that helps. She could have kids at our house most weekends. And lots of her friends carpool withr each other to our house. But, her other friend’s parents are happy to carpool generally. |
Anonymous
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Can you make car time a treat for yourself? I listen to audiobooks and play candy crush. It’s better than doing the dinner dishes or other house chores.
You could also consider setting her up with teen uber and a monthly allowance, telling her what you are willing to drive to, and letting her decide what it’s worth spending money on beyond that - especially if she’s going with friends. My teens sometimes take uber to sports practice together when DH and I can’t make it home in time and I told my older one (16) that I was only willing to drive to/from his GF’s house once a week. If he wanted to see her more than that she had to figure out rides or he had to spend his own money on uber. Seemed fair. Once I wasn’t his on-call driver he became a bit more thoughtful about when he really wanted to go out. |
Anonymous
| Who goes to away games |
Anonymous
+1. There is no reason your daughter needs to take part in every trip to the mall, every wander around town event. Does she ever study? |
Anonymous
| I get it, we had to pick up DC after private school sports practice 4-5 days a week, then get them to evening club practice 2 nights a week (plus weekend games), then if they had social activities it was 1-2 nights additional. Once they got their permit, they would drive me around, then eventually they got their license and were able to go alone. |
Anonymous
| This is crazy scary spooky and hilarious |
Anonymous
| uber is your friend |