How much $$ are the Grooms parents expected to contribute to wedding costs?

[Anonymous]

why? because some people enjoy their wealth and don't mind sharing it with poors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the South Asian poster. We started saving for our own retirement and college for two kids - from our first jobs, before we even got married. It was forced frugality and in some ways, I resented seeing my money go in what seemed like the black hole of savings and investment.

The whole paying for weddings, paying for 1st new sedan, paying for set up of first apartment and first professional wardrobe, helping with downpayment to first real estate purchase etc...this started happening when our savings and investments - compounded. All of these are frosting on the cake. The main investment was only for retirement and state college.

Sedan? How oddly specific.

[Anonymous]

We have sons and daughters. We have paid for college/grad school and so far wedding for one DD. The groom’s family did not offer to help pay for anything for the wedding, but did host a welcome party. Cost-wise, those two events were not at all comparable, the wedding was more than 10x the cost of the welcome party. We are fine contributing to all kids’ weddings, but we are lucky and can afford it. Our experience cemented for us that we will not treat our sons differently - I did not like that it was assumed we would pay (my DD did not feel entitled to this and was extremely appreciative throughout the process).

I do think in UMC families in the DMV the bride’s family still usually pays for the entire wedding, and all three families I know who hosted in the last year or are currently planning mention $250k as the “number.” Of course, some of these weddings are for 250 or more guests. It’s an absurd amount of money and I find myself hoping these are lasting marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the South Asian poster. We started saving for our own retirement and college for two kids - from our first jobs, before we even got married. It was forced frugality and in some ways, I resented seeing my money go in what seemed like the black hole of savings and investment.

The whole paying for weddings, paying for 1st new sedan, paying for set up of first apartment and first professional wardrobe, helping with downpayment to first real estate purchase etc...this started happening when our savings and investments - compounded. All of these are frosting on the cake. The main investment was only for retirement and state college.

Sedan? How oddly specific.

I am beginning to think this South Asian poster is a troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have sons and daughters. We have paid for college/grad school and so far wedding for one DD. The groom’s family did not offer to help pay for anything for the wedding, but did host a welcome party. Cost-wise, those two events were not at all comparable, the wedding was more than 10x the cost of the welcome party. We are fine contributing to all kids’ weddings, but we are lucky and can afford it. Our experience cemented for us that we will not treat our sons differently - I did not like that it was assumed we would pay (my DD did not feel entitled to this and was extremely appreciative throughout the process).

I do think in UMC families in the DMV the bride’s family still usually pays for the entire wedding, and all three families I know who hosted in the last year or are currently planning mention $250k as the “number.” Of course, some of these weddings are for 250 or more guests. It’s an absurd amount of money and I find myself hoping these are lasting marriages.

Very few weddings are $250k, even in UMC DMV circles. I don’t believe you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a more interesting question. I have been to two full blown Catholic weddings where Father of Bride paid where Bride foolishly got married young out of college in a very short marriage dad paid for that was Annulled by Church with proper grounds. So Bride was officially never married.

The Bride then later when a bit older met her dream guy for life. The Dad paid for both receptions. They bride was not married before as annulled. Groom was never married before. Both still young. The Groom never had a reception and they are eligible for a full Catholic Mass wedding and Bride to wear white as it is fully a first wedding for both.

So in that case Dad paid for two wedding receptions. I think that is fair.

Where's the question in this story?

The question is whether the bride should be allowed to wear white, due to her hymen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the South Asian poster. We started saving for our own retirement and college for two kids - from our first jobs, before we even got married. It was forced frugality and in some ways, I resented seeing my money go in what seemed like the black hole of savings and investment.

The whole paying for weddings, paying for 1st new sedan, paying for set up of first apartment and first professional wardrobe, helping with downpayment to first real estate purchase etc...this started happening when our savings and investments - compounded. All of these are frosting on the cake. The main investment was only for retirement and state college.

We are South Asians too with a 8-fig net worth, and have much younger kids (boys - 22 and 20). We are paying the usual - private college, setup first apartment, downpayments for car and house. No way am I spending $350K for a wedding though.. Maybe $100K each when the time comes? Not sure..

These people are either trolls or just really rich. I am also South Asian, we're not going to buy all this stuff for our kids, LOL! We'll pay for public college and help with grad school, if needed. We'll help when needed, but an adult should pay for their own apartment, car, etc., just like I did. I think my parents spent $25K on my wedding (not a three day affair because I married a white man), and we'll help pay for a similar wedding when our daughters get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have sons and daughters. We have paid for college/grad school and so far wedding for one DD. The groom’s family did not offer to help pay for anything for the wedding, but did host a welcome party. Cost-wise, those two events were not at all comparable, the wedding was more than 10x the cost of the welcome party. We are fine contributing to all kids’ weddings, but we are lucky and can afford it. Our experience cemented for us that we will not treat our sons differently - I did not like that it was assumed we would pay (my DD did not feel entitled to this and was extremely appreciative throughout the process).

I do think in UMC families in the DMV the bride’s family still usually pays for the entire wedding, and all three families I know who hosted in the last year or are currently planning mention $250k as the “number.” Of course, some of these weddings are for 250 or more guests. It’s an absurd amount of money and I find myself hoping these are lasting marriages.

Doesn’t sound like you are fine with it even though what you described is wedding tradition for like the last 80 years.

Admittedly, much of what counts as the “American way of life” didn’t exist prior to WWII.

Even before the depression, only the Rockefellers of the world had lavish weddings. Children of doctors and lawyers just had small weddings with a modest reception in the basement of the church/temple. Adult children rarely lived on their own until married and in fact it was the the norm to have multigenerational households.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a more interesting question. I have been to two full blown Catholic weddings where Father of Bride paid where Bride foolishly got married young out of college in a very short marriage dad paid for that was Annulled by Church with proper grounds. So Bride was officially never married.

The Bride then later when a bit older met her dream guy for life. The Dad paid for both receptions. They bride was not married before as annulled. Groom was never married before. Both still young. The Groom never had a reception and they are eligible for a full Catholic Mass wedding and Bride to wear white as it is fully a first wedding for both.

So in that case Dad paid for two wedding receptions. I think that is fair.

Where's the question in this story?

Well the question is really a statement, there are good odds you may pay for more than one wedding. Or at least part of it. Lets skip annulment. You daughter marries a wonderful man at 23 and he dies tragically shortly afterwards and your daughter moves back home and meets man of her dreams at 27. Are you not going to chip in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have sons and daughters. We have paid for college/grad school and so far wedding for one DD. The groom’s family did not offer to help pay for anything for the wedding, but did host a welcome party. Cost-wise, those two events were not at all comparable, the wedding was more than 10x the cost of the welcome party. We are fine contributing to all kids’ weddings, but we are lucky and can afford it. Our experience cemented for us that we will not treat our sons differently - I did not like that it was assumed we would pay (my DD did not feel entitled to this and was extremely appreciative throughout the process).

I do think in UMC families in the DMV the bride’s family still usually pays for the entire wedding, and all three families I know who hosted in the last year or are currently planning mention $250k as the “number.” Of course, some of these weddings are for 250 or more guests. It’s an absurd amount of money and I find myself hoping these are lasting marriages.

Doesn’t sound like you are fine with it even though what you described is wedding tradition for like the last 80 years.

Admittedly, much of what counts as the “American way of life” didn’t exist prior to WWII.

Even before the depression, only the Rockefellers of the world had lavish weddings. Children of doctors and lawyers just had small weddings with a modest reception in the basement of the church/temple. Adult children rarely lived on their own until married and in fact it was the the norm to have multigenerational households.

My Mother a Waitress had a full blown Catholic Mass Wedding in Manhattan in 1956 with a white dress, limo, flowers and honeymoon and she married a blue collar worker.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really care what the traditions or expectations are.

I will happily chip in $10 or $15k for each of my kids, boy and girl. They can spend it on what they like. If the in-laws are super conservative they can say I have paid for the rehearsal dinner or whatever. I don’t really care. It is their wedding, not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have sons and daughters. We have paid for college/grad school and so far wedding for one DD. The groom’s family did not offer to help pay for anything for the wedding, but did host a welcome party. Cost-wise, those two events were not at all comparable, the wedding was more than 10x the cost of the welcome party. We are fine contributing to all kids’ weddings, but we are lucky and can afford it. Our experience cemented for us that we will not treat our sons differently - I did not like that it was assumed we would pay (my DD did not feel entitled to this and was extremely appreciative throughout the process).

I do think in UMC families in the DMV the bride’s family still usually pays for the entire wedding, and all three families I know who hosted in the last year or are currently planning mention $250k as the “number.” Of course, some of these weddings are for 250 or more guests. It’s an absurd amount of money and I find myself hoping these are lasting marriages.

This is why the answer is that its not expected that the groom's family will pay, but it is classy to offer (what they can afford)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really care what the traditions or expectations are.

I will happily chip in $10 or $15k for each of my kids, boy and girl. They can spend it on what they like. If the in-laws are super conservative they can say I have paid for the rehearsal dinner or whatever. I don’t really care. It is their wedding, not mine.

That’s not much. Why so little?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have sons and daughters. We have paid for college/grad school and so far wedding for one DD. The groom’s family did not offer to help pay for anything for the wedding, but did host a welcome party. Cost-wise, those two events were not at all comparable, the wedding was more than 10x the cost of the welcome party. We are fine contributing to all kids’ weddings, but we are lucky and can afford it. Our experience cemented for us that we will not treat our sons differently - I did not like that it was assumed we would pay (my DD did not feel entitled to this and was extremely appreciative throughout the process).

I do think in UMC families in the DMV the bride’s family still usually pays for the entire wedding, and all three families I know who hosted in the last year or are currently planning mention $250k as the “number.” Of course, some of these weddings are for 250 or more guests. It’s an absurd amount of money and I find myself hoping these are lasting marriages.

Doesn’t sound like you are fine with it even though what you described is wedding tradition for like the last 80 years.

Admittedly, much of what counts as the “American way of life” didn’t exist prior to WWII.

Even before the depression, only the Rockefellers of the world had lavish weddings. Children of doctors and lawyers just had small weddings with a modest reception in the basement of the church/temple. Adult children rarely lived on their own until married and in fact it was the the norm to have multigenerational households.

My Mother a Waitress had a full blown Catholic Mass Wedding in Manhattan in 1956 with a white dress, limo, flowers and honeymoon and she married a blue collar worker.

So…I think WWII ended in 1945 and if my math and chronology are correct, 1956 qualifies as post-WWII.

It’s now 2025 and if I subtract 80, that gets me to 1945.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These day most couples pay for their own wedding festivities.

Not in my WASPY family. Parents are still paying for everything. It is a way to "transfer" wealth. It is like helping out with the downpayment for house.

Only idiot WASPs think a blowout wedding is a wealth transfer. Most everyone in my circle is sinking it into real estate or brokerages for their kids.

+1. A house (appreciating asset) is very different than a wedding party (expense)