How much $$ are the Grooms parents expected to contribute to wedding costs?

[Anonymous]

I don’t really care what the traditions or expectations are.

I will happily chip in $10 or $15k for each of my kids, boy and girl. They can spend it on what they like. If the in-laws are super conservative they can say I have paid for the rehearsal dinner or whatever. I don’t really care. It is their wedding, not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have sons and daughters. We have paid for college/grad school and so far wedding for one DD. The groom’s family did not offer to help pay for anything for the wedding, but did host a welcome party. Cost-wise, those two events were not at all comparable, the wedding was more than 10x the cost of the welcome party. We are fine contributing to all kids’ weddings, but we are lucky and can afford it. Our experience cemented for us that we will not treat our sons differently - I did not like that it was assumed we would pay (my DD did not feel entitled to this and was extremely appreciative throughout the process).

I do think in UMC families in the DMV the bride’s family still usually pays for the entire wedding, and all three families I know who hosted in the last year or are currently planning mention $250k as the “number.” Of course, some of these weddings are for 250 or more guests. It’s an absurd amount of money and I find myself hoping these are lasting marriages.

This is why the answer is that its not expected that the groom's family will pay, but it is classy to offer (what they can afford)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really care what the traditions or expectations are.

I will happily chip in $10 or $15k for each of my kids, boy and girl. They can spend it on what they like. If the in-laws are super conservative they can say I have paid for the rehearsal dinner or whatever. I don’t really care. It is their wedding, not mine.

That’s not much. Why so little?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have sons and daughters. We have paid for college/grad school and so far wedding for one DD. The groom’s family did not offer to help pay for anything for the wedding, but did host a welcome party. Cost-wise, those two events were not at all comparable, the wedding was more than 10x the cost of the welcome party. We are fine contributing to all kids’ weddings, but we are lucky and can afford it. Our experience cemented for us that we will not treat our sons differently - I did not like that it was assumed we would pay (my DD did not feel entitled to this and was extremely appreciative throughout the process).

I do think in UMC families in the DMV the bride’s family still usually pays for the entire wedding, and all three families I know who hosted in the last year or are currently planning mention $250k as the “number.” Of course, some of these weddings are for 250 or more guests. It’s an absurd amount of money and I find myself hoping these are lasting marriages.

Doesn’t sound like you are fine with it even though what you described is wedding tradition for like the last 80 years.

Admittedly, much of what counts as the “American way of life” didn’t exist prior to WWII.

Even before the depression, only the Rockefellers of the world had lavish weddings. Children of doctors and lawyers just had small weddings with a modest reception in the basement of the church/temple. Adult children rarely lived on their own until married and in fact it was the the norm to have multigenerational households.

My Mother a Waitress had a full blown Catholic Mass Wedding in Manhattan in 1956 with a white dress, limo, flowers and honeymoon and she married a blue collar worker.

So…I think WWII ended in 1945 and if my math and chronology are correct, 1956 qualifies as post-WWII.

It’s now 2025 and if I subtract 80, that gets me to 1945.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These day most couples pay for their own wedding festivities.

Not in my WASPY family. Parents are still paying for everything. It is a way to "transfer" wealth. It is like helping out with the downpayment for house.

Only idiot WASPs think a blowout wedding is a wealth transfer. Most everyone in my circle is sinking it into real estate or brokerages for their kids.

+1. A house (appreciating asset) is very different than a wedding party (expense)

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for my two sisters’ weddings. Those were pretty expensive about 150 guests each. I did not receive anything for my wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really care what the traditions or expectations are.

I will happily chip in $10 or $15k for each of my kids, boy and girl. They can spend it on what they like. If the in-laws are super conservative they can say I have paid for the rehearsal dinner or whatever. I don’t really care. It is their wedding, not mine.

That’s not much. Why so little?

because pp is cheap is my guess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really care what the traditions or expectations are.

I will happily chip in $10 or $15k for each of my kids, boy and girl. They can spend it on what they like. If the in-laws are super conservative they can say I have paid for the rehearsal dinner or whatever. I don’t really care. It is their wedding, not mine.

That’s not much. Why so little?

I’m not the PP but I agree with the 10k-15k amount. They’re adults and need to move through the world like one. I’m already paying for college. An expensive wedding is often not a mature financial decision. I say not often because I can see some legitimate reasons to spend a lot of money.

[Anonymous]

Very few weddings are $250k, even in UMC DMV circles. I don’t believe you.

I assure you that you are wrong. Since last September I attended (or know bride or groom’s family for) four. My DD is in two in the next year. Many, many weddings in the DMV are $250k or more. Ask any local wedding planner, or stop by any of the local country clubs or luxury hotels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When our son got married we payed for the rehearsal dinner and offered to help pay for the wedding. They graciously turned us down so we gave the bride and groom a very large wedding check. Every case is different based on finances. Many couple now pay for their own weddings if they are high earners.

Makes me laugh. Nice to see a large check, but I would hope for a large amount.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Very few weddings are $250k, even in UMC DMV circles. I don’t believe you.

I assure you that you are wrong. Since last September I attended (or know bride or groom’s family for) four. My DD is in two in the next year. Many, many weddings in the DMV are $250k or more. Ask any local wedding planner, or stop by any of the local country clubs or luxury hotels.

Maybe in your circle. “Many” is a relative term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Very few weddings are $250k, even in UMC DMV circles. I don’t believe you.

I assure you that you are wrong. Since last September I attended (or know bride or groom’s family for) four. My DD is in two in the next year. Many, many weddings in the DMV are $250k or more. Ask any local wedding planner, or stop by any of the local country clubs or luxury hotels.

The average wedding cost in Bethesda is around $50k. Potomac trends higher at $80k for 200 guests…add in flowers, entertainment et al and let’s say you get to $125k.

It’s safe to say that some weddings cost $250k…but many, many is probably hyperbole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the South Asian poster. We started saving for our own retirement and college for two kids - from our first jobs, before we even got married. It was forced frugality and in some ways, I resented seeing my money go in what seemed like the black hole of savings and investment.

The whole paying for weddings, paying for 1st new sedan, paying for set up of first apartment and first professional wardrobe, helping with downpayment to first real estate purchase etc...this started happening when our savings and investments - compounded. All of these are frosting on the cake. The main investment was only for retirement and state college.

We are South Asians too with a 8-fig net worth, and have much younger kids (boys - 22 and 20). We are paying the usual - private college, setup first apartment, downpayments for car and house. No way am I spending $350K for a wedding though.. Maybe $100K each when the time comes? Not sure..

These people are either trolls or just really rich. I am also South Asian, we're not going to buy all this stuff for our kids, LOL! We'll pay for public college and help with grad school, if needed. We'll help when needed, but an adult should pay for their own apartment, car, etc., just like I did. I think my parents spent $25K on my wedding (not a three day affair because I married a white man), and we'll help pay for a similar wedding when our daughters get married.

You got penalized for marrying a White man. And yes, you are not as rich as many South Asian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do groom's parents still pay for rehearsal dinner only or split the wedding costs? What is normal now?

There is no universal normal.
What is normal is what each family wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Indian Desi multi-day weddings are to accommodate the wedding rituals and traditions. (Eg - Ganesh Pooja/Mata Ki Chowki/Havan, Sangeet, Haldi, Mehndi, Wedding, Reception, Vidai). Many people are skipping calling a large number of people for these events and they call only for Wedding and Reception.

Cost for Indian weddings that I have attended in DMV have ranged from $5K - 350K. It is extremely easy to spend money in an Indian wedding. Clothes for all relatives. Gifts to all relatives. Paying for rooms for relatives and friends. Top tier booze. Gold jewellery for the married couple. Tour bus for close relatives for DC. Shuttle service for getting people from the airport. Photographer for the 4 days, DJ for the 4 days, Event planner for multiple days, multiple Henna artists, multiple MUA, bartenders and servers for multiple days, attendents for elderly relatives, babysitters for the little ones of the family, and the huge guest list. Having a small wedding means - from 100 - 350 guests.