Is it OK for a widowed parent to travel without the kids?

[Anonymous]

I would bring them. They probably want to get a break from your house, town, and all the things they associate with their father, just as much as you do.

[Anonymous]

My mom was widowed when I was a teenager, I wish she had done something like this. Home was very intense and after a year it’s okay to give yourself space to reflect and relax. Plus my mom had a lot of emotions bottled up, having a place to really let it out without the kids hearing is a positive.

Maybe also extend a similar offer to do so,etching special just for them after your tough year. I’m sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

It is ok for you to go. Please go if you think it would be fun for you.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine.

But I also think if they are tweens - that means they are not yet in high school - I also don’t think it matters if they missed a week of school either.

[Anonymous]

Op, I’m so sorry for your loss. In my family, only one of us travels out of the country at once. We just feel more comfortable that way, especially more recently. Given that, if there were not a second parent in my family, the other would not travel overseas. I’m sure others will think that’s paranoid but just wanted to share my thoughts.

I absolutely think you should get away on your own for a few days. Only you can decide if London is the only way to do that. Price could be similar for NYC, since travel will be cheaper, for example.

[Anonymous]

I think you should consider taking them, as missing a few days of elementary/middle school isn't a big deal and London is a great place for kids.

However, that being said I also think it's okay to set an example for.your kids that it's okay to keep living and experiencing things after losing a parent. I've been through loss of an immediate family member as a kid and there's an extent to which, when you do finally have a day when you aren't sad, you feel guilty about forgetting for a bit. It's hard to get out of that pattern of sadness, particularly around family who you think will be upset at you for moving on. That isn't to say you won't always be a little sad,.but you can't live in that encompassing grief forever.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes dcum goes off the rails. This thread is one of them. Your kids will be with their grandma, they’ll be fine. It’s a few days. Please go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I’m so sorry for your loss. In my family, only one of us travels out of the country at once. We just feel more comfortable that way, especially more recently. Given that, if there were not a second parent in my family, the other would not travel overseas. I’m sure others will think that’s paranoid but just wanted to share my thoughts.

I absolutely think you should get away on your own for a few days. Only you can decide if London is the only way to do that. Price could be similar for NYC, since travel will be cheaper, for example.

In your family there are two parents. I don’t think you can presume to know what your family rules/norms would be if you or your husband died. Sounds like right now you are ok taking trips overseas without your kids. You might adjust to continuing to do that if you were a widow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow, I didn’t expect such polarized responses.

To answer some questions: my husband died suddenly a little less than a year ago. My girls were 9 and 11 at the time; they’re now 10 and 12. I’m absolutely not “prowling” or trying to date anyone.

For the past 11 months, I’ve been the sole parent all day every day, while also holding down a demanding full-time corporate job and grieving a life changing and devastating loss. I’m completely burned out, and the idea of taking a few days to myself in London sounded like a much-needed break.

My girls aren’t interested in long flights and said they wouldn’t mind me going for a few days. I’m not trying to abandon them, which is exactly why I came here to ask the question. I knew this could be judged, and based on some of these responses, I see that it is.

You’ve all given me a lot to think about. Thank you.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you are going through. You do the best you can and what is right for you. My friend is a widow and leaves her kids with family when she goes away. It’s good for all of them.

It’s different but my kids cherish the time they have alone with their grandparents. My parents love having the kids when I’m not there too.

[Anonymous]

I say go, and the people who judged so harshly are absolutely clueless as to what a loss like THIS is to bear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I’m so sorry for your loss. In my family, only one of us travels out of the country at once. We just feel more comfortable that way, especially more recently. Given that, if there were not a second parent in my family, the other would not travel overseas. I’m sure others will think that’s paranoid but just wanted to share my thoughts.

I absolutely think you should get away on your own for a few days. Only you can decide if London is the only way to do that. Price could be similar for NYC, since travel will be cheaper, for example.

In your family there are two parents. I don’t think you can presume to know what your family rules/norms would be if you or your husband died. Sounds like right now you are ok taking trips overseas without your kids. You might adjust to continuing to do that if you were a widow.

I guess one can never say, but I for one know that I would not leave the country without my kids, if they weren’t with a parent. I can’t say what my husband would do. I would go anywhere in the continental US where I could drive back if absolutely needed. Not passing judgment but that is not an additional stressor I want to add to the mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are lot of people posting here who have no idea what it’s like, OP, and are not qualified to respond. Who are judging.

I don’t know either. Please ignore everyone and just discuss with your family and do whatever is best for your family. It is not anyone else’s concern.

Sorry for your loss.

Putting the burden of the decision on a 10 and 11 year old is selfish.

Op, only you know if you can go. I’d take the girls with me if I were you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

I’m not sure why you think being widowed changes your ability to travel “from a moral perspective “. What’s the “moral” issue here?

+1. Live your life Op. nobody cares but you and your kids. If your kids are fine, then go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it happened in the last year, I think it's too early. Your kids need the stability of a parent for a while.

+1

This is my instinctive answer, too. But you know your kids, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a widow with teenagers. If the kids will be staying with a trusted relative or friend and they aren’t having anxiety about your trip, I would go. I went to Canada on a work trip 7 months after my husband died. His parents stayed with my kids who were 12 and 15 at the time. It was fine.

People who haven’t been through it have no clue what it’s like to be a widow parent. Some things have to change but you also have to live your life.