Coaches, do you stonewall parents on level discussions?

[Anonymous]

You as the parent do not get to decide what level team your DC plays on. Period. You continuing to argue to the contrary will not get you anywhere positive and could potentially have negative consequences on your kid. Stop. If they don’t think your kid should be on the team you think they should be on, move on. We all face disappointments and getting cut or not being on the same team with friends is part of life. Focus on helping your kid learn this lesson.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Just wow. No, I have no experience suing a sports team because they don’t think my kid is as special as I think my kid is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Follow up on this. I've taken notes from practices and some video of both my kid and the others. I'm still not getting anywhere with the team. Daughter does not want to switch clubs. Has anyone successfully litigated this type of situation?

Litigated? What would the cause of action be? What are the damages? Do you know how long litigation takes? And even if you sued and won (which isn't happening) and a court issued some kind of order that forced the club to put your DD on the team, how do you think that would be received by the coach and the other players/families?

I really hope this is someone trolling...

The kid is upset to tears that she is not on the team she deserves. It is making her anxious. Should I not try everything to get this corrected? This is traumatic and damaging to her well-being.

It will also be damaging to her well being if you keep on this. I know it’s very hard to see. We’ve had disappointments like this. But that’s life! I agree she either moves clubs or tries hard to improve.

We are paying. Shouldn't we get to choose the team. If she is this upset, they should be understanding of her mental health and move her. If they decide not to, isn't it worth it to try yo force their hand for my kids best interest.

This isn’t how it works. You tryout. They make you an offer. You accept offer and pay. If you don’t like the team placement, you go elsewhere. Go where your child is appreciated, even if it means leaving mid-year. But it’s not fair to the other families who also paid to move your child up when she hasn’t earned her spot. DS has played on a wide range of teams - A and B. Honestly, he had some great experiences when young on a B team. He has worked really hard to earn his spot on his current A team. He has never expected to be moved or to have friends moved so they can stay together. If you want to play with friends, you form a rec team or consider an MSI classic team. Beyond those levels, nobody cares about placing you with friends.

[Anonymous]

Wow, if this is not a troll, then OP needs some serious parenting lessons. Your DD needs to learn resilience. What are you going to do if your child in HS runs for student government and loses? Sue the school? What if she doesn't make first chair in orchestra? Sue the orchestra? What if in college she doesn't get into the sorority she wants, are you going to sue the sorority? You are a prime example of what is wrong in today's society. You should be dealing with her anxiety, not by fixing this situation, but by teaching her how to deal with life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Follow up on this. I've taken notes from practices and some video of both my kid and the others. I'm still not getting anywhere with the team. Daughter does not want to switch clubs. Has anyone successfully litigated this type of situation?

Litigated? What would the cause of action be? What are the damages? Do you know how long litigation takes? And even if you sued and won (which isn't happening) and a court issued some kind of order that forced the club to put your DD on the team, how do you think that would be received by the coach and the other players/families?

I really hope this is someone trolling...

The kid is upset to tears that she is not on the team she deserves. It is making her anxious. Should I not try everything to get this corrected? This is traumatic and damaging to her well-being.

It will also be damaging to her well being if you keep on this. I know it’s very hard to see. We’ve had disappointments like this. But that’s life! I agree she either moves clubs or tries hard to improve.

We are paying. Shouldn't we get to choose the team. If she is this upset, they should be understanding of her mental health and move her. If they decide not to, isn't it worth it to try yo force their hand for my kids best interest.

I really, really hope you are a troll.

Team sports are one of the last few places in life where effort and skill matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread started out as B level trolling. This is D level. I hope this isn't the original OP

Not a troll, very seriously exploring my options. Looking for advice from been there done that parents and back end insight from coaches.

You have gotten advice from been there done that parents. If it's truly unfair, you move your kid. In the process of moving your kid you might find out it's not truly unfair.

You're just looking for the advice you want, which no one is willing to give.

Remember DCUM never comes to a consensus. But they have this time. That tells you something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Follow up on this. I've taken notes from practices and some video of both my kid and the others. I'm still not getting anywhere with the team. Daughter does not want to switch clubs. Has anyone successfully litigated this type of situation?

Travel baseball coach again.

I am now like 90% sure you are trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Follow up on this. I've taken notes from practices and some video of both my kid and the others. I'm still not getting anywhere with the team. Daughter does not want to switch clubs. Has anyone successfully litigated this type of situation?

Litigated? What would the cause of action be? What are the damages? Do you know how long litigation takes? And even if you sued and won (which isn't happening) and a court issued some kind of order that forced the club to put your DD on the team, how do you think that would be received by the coach and the other players/families?

I really hope this is someone trolling...

The kid is upset to tears that she is not on the team she deserves. It is making her anxious. Should I not try everything to get this corrected? This is traumatic and damaging to her well-being.

Make that 95%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Follow up on this. I've taken notes from practices and some video of both my kid and the others. I'm still not getting anywhere with the team. Daughter does not want to switch clubs. Has anyone successfully litigated this type of situation?

Litigated? What would the cause of action be? What are the damages? Do you know how long litigation takes? And even if you sued and won (which isn't happening) and a court issued some kind of order that forced the club to put your DD on the team, how do you think that would be received by the coach and the other players/families?

I really hope this is someone trolling...

The kid is upset to tears that she is not on the team she deserves. It is making her anxious. Should I not try everything to get this corrected? This is traumatic and damaging to her well-being.

It will also be damaging to her well being if you keep on this. I know it’s very hard to see. We’ve had disappointments like this. But that’s life! I agree she either moves clubs or tries hard to improve.

We are paying. Shouldn't we get to choose the team. If she is this upset, they should be understanding of her mental health and move her. If they decide not to, isn't it worth it to try yo force their hand for my kids best interest.

98%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread started out as B level trolling. This is D level. I hope this isn't the original OP

Not a troll, very seriously exploring my options. Looking for advice from been there done that parents and back end insight from coaches.

99%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread started out as B level trolling. This is D level. I hope this isn't the original OP

Not a troll, very seriously exploring my options. Looking for advice from been there done that parents and back end insight from coaches.

Last word from me on this.
I am now 99% sure this is trolling but...

You have gotten pretty consistent advice from parents and coaches: gather your things and move on because your kid has no future at the current organization. The best you can do at this point is learn some life lessons. If you the both of you do learn a life lesson, then this will be the best thing that happens to your daughter this year, maybe her life.
Your kid simply isn't good enough to overcome the effect you have had on the coaches.
Go find another organization that hasn't heard of you and try to be a better parent.
You may have to move to a different country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread started out as B level trolling. This is D level. I hope this isn't the original OP

Not a troll, very seriously exploring my options. Looking for advice from been there done that parents and back end insight from coaches.

The been there done that parents are responding. You should be looking at a new team - like now. If your level of action on this board is any indication what you are doing in real life. Well, I can imagine what you are doing at practices and games (filming practices and games and other plays and evaluating them under your biases).

If you don't think coaches are determining what they are going to do with your kid at next year's tryouts based on your actions, I think you and your DD are going to be in for a rude awakening. They already know you are a headache to deal with so don't be surprised when your kid doesn't make any team at all next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Follow up on this. I've taken notes from practices and some video of both my kid and the others. I'm still not getting anywhere with the team. Daughter does not want to switch clubs. Has anyone successfully litigated this type of situation?

This thread was crazy at the start, but this comment...Litigated? Have you lost your mind? Sorry that your kid is upset and that you are so out of touch with reality that you think you can argue her way onto another team--a team that the people who are experts in the sport feel that she is not a good fit for, but you need to get a grip and start focusing on what's actually best for your kid: moving on and learning to accept disappointment. If they want to come back and try out for the team that their friends are on, they need to do some training on their own and EARN that. But, in all honesty, if I was the coach, I don't think I'd consider your kid for another tryout unless I found out you'd been committed to a mental ward or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here—agree that you could ask “what does Larla need to do to improve” but now that you’ve already gone the “not taking no for an answer route” the coach understands you are not someone who will hear them. Also, I have had many of those growth needed convos with players and convos with players + parents and more often than not when the parent is involved in the conversation it means they are driving the improvement plan, not the player. The result is rarely as solid as when a player asks me directly and then seeks out additional training or puts in the work on their own accord. The kids that motivate themselves to get better are the kids who are more likely to find success at the higher levels of play because THEY care about growth, not their parents.

+100

I have 3 kids and ALL three know perfectly well in these scenarios the reason why they they aren’t getting much playing time or why they are on “B” team and not “A” or JV vs varsity etc. And they can explain that to me themselves.

Also coaches often are looking out for their player’s best interests/development even if the parent doesn’t see things the same way.

One of my sons plays on the “B” baseball team rather than “A”- he was disappointed but knew exactly the reasons why. His club coaches actually call and explain to parents after tryouts (which is awesome) their reasoning. They told us word for word what our own DS had told us himself (hits well enough to be on the A team but his pitching and defensive skills at his primary position are not good enough to beat out players on the A team). Better to be on the B team and get tons of playing time vs sitting on the bench on A. Also consider what you are asking of coaches, here. I suppose if a parent complains enough maybe some coaches will appease them- but at what cost? It will just end up with your kid sitting on the bench and making yourself the “problem” parent. How is that better for your kid?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here—agree that you could ask “what does Larla need to do to improve” but now that you’ve already gone the “not taking no for an answer route” the coach understands you are not someone who will hear them. Also, I have had many of those growth needed convos with players and convos with players + parents and more often than not when the parent is involved in the conversation it means they are driving the improvement plan, not the player. The result is rarely as solid as when a player asks me directly and then seeks out additional training or puts in the work on their own accord. The kids that motivate themselves to get better are the kids who are more likely to find success at the higher levels of play because THEY care about growth, not their parents.

+100

I have 3 kids and ALL three know perfectly well in these scenarios the reason why they they aren’t getting much playing time or why they are on “B” team and not “A” or JV vs varsity etc. And they can explain that to me themselves.

Also coaches often are looking out for their player’s best interests/development even if the parent doesn’t see things the same way.

One of my sons plays on the “B” baseball team rather than “A”- he was disappointed but knew exactly the reasons why. His club coaches actually call and explain to parents after tryouts (which is awesome) their reasoning. They told us word for word what our own DS had told us himself (hits well enough to be on the A team but his pitching and defensive skills at his primary position are not good enough to beat out players on the A team). Better to be on the B team and get tons of playing time vs sitting on the bench on A. Also consider what you are asking of coaches, here. I suppose if a parent complains enough maybe some coaches will appease them- but at what cost? It will just end up with your kid sitting on the bench and making yourself the “problem” parent. How is that better for your kid?!

Well shoot, once they're on the team I can badger them into giving my kid more play time.
If it worked once, why wouldn't it work again.